Deadliest Hero
by WildmanWalker
Summary: Based off Spike TV's "Deadliest Warrior". Two characters from Marvel or DC Comics are pitted against one another in a fight to the death! When two villains fight, this will be called "Deadliest Villain". New chapter: HYDRA vs. H.I.V.E.!
1. Chapter 1: Gambit vs Green Arrow

*******NOTE**: I do not own _Deadliest Warrior_, DC Comics, or Marvel Comics—I'm just a big fan of all three of them. This story is truly fictional, and aside from the three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts, does not depict real people (but I kind of hoped you already knew that). If you have any suggestions for future matches, complaints, or anything else like that, please let me know.

Anything said by the Narrator in this episode is in _ITALICS._

**Deadliest Hero: Gambit vs. Green Arrow**

As the show begins, we see a man with brown hair and fiery red eyes. He wears a long brown trench coat and is holding a hand of playing cards, lit up with what appear to be purple flames.

_Gambit—energy-wielding rebel of the Marvel Universe._

The camera shows Gambit firing a barrage of energy-charged playing cards at a group of thugs on the streets of New Orleans.

Another slightly larger man comes into view, with blonde hair and a full beard. He's wearing a black mask and an all-green costume reminiscent of Robin Hood.

_Green Arrow—lightning-fast trick archer of the DC Universe._

The camera shows Green Arrow shooting multiple arrows at a gang of thieves outside a bank in Star City.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of various comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21__st__-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST HERO!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves in the familiar fight club from _Deadliest Warrior._

_Welcome to the fight club. Here, we've assembled E.R. doctors, scientists, computer experts, and some of the most famous comic book characters of all time, and then turned them loose with some of the most lethal weapons known to the comic book universe. All to create a true-to-life deathmatch between two legendary superheroes: Gambit, New Orleans's most famous and feared native son from the Marvel Universe, versus Green Arrow, lethal bow-master of the DC Universe._

**Gambit Stats**  
Real Name: Remy LeBeau  
Ht: 6'1"  
Wt: 179 lbs  
Gear: 12 lbs  
Armor: Bulletproof undersuit  
Superpowers: Kinetic energy manipulation

**Green Arrow Stats**  
Real Name: Oliver "Ollie" Queen  
Ht: 6'2"  
Wt: 195 lbs  
Gear: 19 lbs  
Armor: Shield  
Superpowers: Enhanced agility and speed

We see a man in his late 20's hooking up a set of equipment to a computer.

_Biomedical scientist and karate black belt Geoff Desmoulin will assess the lethality of each hero's weapons._

"What's cool about this matchup for me is that I'm gonna get to use my medical knowledge that I usually use on _Deadliest Warrior_, and apply it to two of the most famous comic book superheroes of all time," says Geoff. "I'm really psyched about this."

We now see a man in a lab coat examining a blood-covered gel torso.

_E.R. physician Armand Dorian will assess the damage of each weapon._

"I'm gonna tell you how lethal these weapons truly are," explains Dr. Dorian, "and whether or not somebody will live or die from getting hit by them."

We see a young man with curly brown hair typing on a laptop.

_23-year-old computer whiz Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine the winner._

"I've had to tweak the simulation a little bit to accommodate these two heroes' powers," says Max, "and I can tell you that we'll definitely see some hardcore action with this one."

The camera shows a young man with fire-engine red hair wearing a blue-and-white uniform. He's wielding a large staff, twirling it in the air as though he's blocking attacks.

_Representing Gambit: his cousin and former partner-in-crime Emil Lapin. Emil and Gambit were each part of a notorious faction known as the Thieves' Guild, so Emil knows Gambit's fighting style firsthand._

"I know firsthand that that bastard Remy is crazy—crazy like a fox," says Lapin. "He's a tried-n'-true killah, an' that fancy little Robin Hood wannabe is gonna go down hard an' fast."

We also see a beautiful young woman wearing a green uniform. Her long brown hair is accentuated with white bangs. She's holding a hand of playing cards in each hand, wielding them like ninja shurikens.

_Also representing Gambit: X-Men comrade and longtime love interest Rogue._

"Gambit ain't just a pretty face—he's a bona fide killah," says Rogue. "Ah just know he'll be able to take down that Arrow fella…"

_Born in New Orleans, Louisiana, Gambit was orphaned at an early age, and took to thievery to support himself. In his teenage years, he developed his mutant power—the ability to manipulate potential energy in everyday objects and turn it into deadly, explosive kinetic energy. After joining the X-Men, he fought side-by-side with some of the greatest heroes of the Marvel Universe, and held his own in some of the deadliest battles of all time._

"Gambit ain't just some fancy-pansy thug offa the streets," Emil assures us. "He's a pro at what he does. He's gonna take down Green Arrow, no question 'bout it."

_That's news to our Green Arrow experts, who believe with all their hearts that Gambit is in over his head._

We see a teenage boy wearing a yellow-and-black costume and mask, pulling back on a longbow.

_Representing Green Arrow—protégé and fellow archer Speedy. Speedy has served as Green Arrow's sidekick for many years, and knows firsthand Arrow's fighting style._

"I trained under Master Arrow for many years," admits Speedy. "To the untrained eye, he's just a guy in a Robin Hood costume. The fact of the matter is that he's a true fighter, and Gambit's going down just like everyone that has ever faced Green Arrow."

We now see a beautiful blonde woman dressed in a black uniform, a black cape, fishnet stockings, and black boots. She is wielding a broadsword with the same poise of a skilled knight.

_Also representing Green Arrow—longtime crime-fighting partner and wife Black Canary._

Ollie is without question, among the greatest heroes of all time," boasts Canary. "I know my Ollie, and he won't let that southern-fried freak get anywhere near him."

_Billionaire Oliver Queen developed a Robin Hood-based persona to protect his hometown of Star City, of which he was a former mayor. After losing his fortune, Green Arrow became an outspoken advocate of the underprivileged working-class, and tirelessly developed numerous lethal weapons modified to his own liking._

"Green Arrow isn't just a rogue vigilante who picked up a longbow and started fighting crime," Speedy assures the viewers. "He's custom-made all of his weapons specifically to take down his enemies. Every weapon in Green Arrow's arsenal is engineered to maim, incapacitate, and kill."

_But who would win in a battle between these two heroes? Our experts are divided._

"I'm giving it all to Gambit in this one," predicts Geoff. "He's nastier, he's got more modern weaponry, and unlike Green Arrow, he actually has superpowers. I'm sticking with Gambit all the way."

"My money's on Green Arrow," says Max. "He's got far better accuracy with those arrows of his than Gambit has with those cute little playing cards, and he can hit from a much longer range. I think Green Arrow's gonna take this one."

_Gambit and Green Arrow have one thing in common: both heroes wield deadly long-range weapons. But for Gambit, his weapon is much more advanced._

We see Gambit firing an all-too-familiar weapon at an adversary, killing him instantly with one shot.

_The__** .44 Magnum Pistol**__—enormously destructive power from a six-inch steel barrel._

Emil grabs the pistol off a table containing several weapons, and brings it over to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian as he tells them all about it. "All right, gentlemen—what we got here is a standard .44 Magnum. This here is one of th' mos' powerful handguns evah fashioned."

"How would Gambit typically use this?" asks Geoff.

"Remy us'lly keeps a gun like this hidden inside his coat," Lapin explains, demonstrating by placing the pistol under his own uniform. "An' when it's time ta' rumble—he whips it out, jus' like this." He whips the pistol out and points it toward a target.

"Well, I'd love to see what that thing can do to human flesh." says Max.

"Let's do it, _mon ami_…" says Lapin, smiling.

_The target—a ballistics gel torso with the same density as human flesh and bone._

Dr. Dorian steps up to the ballistics gel torso and begins explaining the situation to Emil. "Okay, Emil, this gel simulates human tissue," he says. "We've got the skin, the organs, the muscle, the bone—anything you do to this guy with that pistol, you can do the same to a real person."

A few seconds later, Emil is positioned in front of the torso, locked and loaded with the pistol.

"Emil, are you ready?" asks Geoff.

"_Oui, monsieur!_" Emil affirms.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!" Geoff shouts.

"Fahr in the hole!" Lapin shouts, and begins firing the pistol at the gel torso. The first bullet fired almost tears the torso's head in half, and the remaining five shots riddle the chest and stomach. When Emil finishes unloading all his bullets, the experts assess the damage.

"Holy shit!" Geoff shouts as he and Dr. Dorian step in to take a closer look at the damage done to the torso.

Okay, you don't need to be a medical expert like me to figure out that this guy's dead," says Dr. Dorian as he examines the torso. "You've blown the head almost completely off, you have multiple bullet wounds here in the chest and the stomach—these would all be kill shots. This guy is dead and on the ground in about a second."

"And that ain't even Remy's primary weapon…" Lapin says, beaming.

_Gambit's team kicks off the battle with a bang, but the Green Arrow experts aren't worried._

Ollie's been shot at before, and he knows exactly how to dodge gunfire," says Black Canary. "I doubt that Gambit has seen anything like what _we've_ got in store."

_Gambit may have modern firepower on his side, but Green Arrow has his own long-range weapon, which has become his trademark._

We see Green Arrow firing multiple arrows from his bow before a description of the weapon appears on the screen.

_The__** Longbow**__—a tried-and-true weapon dating back to medieval England, modified by the Emerald Archer for easy transport._

Speedy picks up a longbow off a table of Green Arrow's weaponry and brings it over to our hosts as he explains how it works. "Gentlemen, this is a bow very similar to the one Master Arrow uses. It's made of maple hardwood with a rosewood handle—these limbs here are made of fiberglass."

_But of course, what is a bow without: __**Arrows**__—lightning-fast, and almost silent to the untrained ear._

We see Green Arrow shooting numerous types of arrows—steel-tipped ones, glue-tipped ones, flaming ones, arrows with nets that fly out—and of course, boxing-glove arrows.

_Green Arrow doesn't use only normal steel-tipped arrows—some have deadly surprises in store._

We now see Speedy standing next to a table of arrows. Our three _Deadliest Warrior _hosts join them, and Speedy begins explaining how each arrow works. "Each of these arrows has a special function," he says. "You've got normal steel-tipped arrows, which will pierce flesh and cause death. You have flaming arrows, which will cause incredible pain as well as burns if they're not dealt with immediately. We even have poison-tipped arrows, which enter the body via the wound they create and cause a very fast but agonizing death with this cyanide-based poison."

"Which arrow do you prefer?" asks Geoff.

"Whichever one goes through Gambit's skull…" Speedy replies coldly.

Another ballistics gel torso is set up, and Speedy steps up to the plate with the longbow. He loads a steel-tipped arrow into the bow and pulls back on the bowstring.

"Arrow to the gut," he says before firing the arrow, and sure enough, Speedy hits the gut area of the gel torso. He loads another arrow up.

"Right shoulder," he calls, and fires the arrow. Speedy indeed hits the right shoulder, right above the clavicle. He continues to load arrows up and shoot them into the torso, calling all his shots every time—he even shoots an arrow into the torso's right eye. About thirty seconds later, arrows riddle the torso, and Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.

"Okay, you've basically made this guy into a pincushion," says the doctor. "Most of these would be kill shots, and they _all_ would be extremely painful. This arrow, for instance, pierced the aorta, and that causes death within about 30 seconds."

_But Green Arrow also carries other types of arrows, including flaming ones, poison-tipped ones, and his own personal invention—the boxing glove arrow._

Speedy now loads a boxing glove arrow into the bow, pulls it back, and lets it fly. The arrow strikes a freshly set-up target right in the face, breaking the nose and causing some slight bleeding.

"Nice…" says Max, admiring the damage.

_While the boxing glove arrow looks painful, Dr. Dorian must assess the damage from it to determine if it was powerful enough to kill._

"Okay, this would definitely be very painful, but it's not a kill shot," explains Dr. Dorian as he looks back at Speedy. "In order for you to kill with this boxing glove arrow, you'd have to hit at a little bit closer range, but even then, it would be a shot in the dark."

_Even though our Green Arrow team is still optimistic about the arrows, Team Gambit is unimpressed._

Emil and Rogue walk up to the gel torso to assess the damage. Emil is carrying the .44 Magnum pistol.

"Y'all are actually comparin' arrows with somethin' like _this_?" Rogue asks. "Gambit's took harder hits from Iceman…"

"Here, lemme finish the job for y'all," says Emil. He fires a single bullet from the pistol from about four feet away, demolishing the torso's head and spattering blood and brain matter everywhere.

_Both of our heroes' long-distance weapons are undoubtedly lethal, but which one is the better weapon?_

"So…Pistol vs. Bow & Arrows, which one gets the edge?" Geiger asks his two colleagues.

"Pistol, all the way," says Dr. Dorian. "It's much deadlier, more modern, and the bullets travel a lot faster than Green Arrow's arrows."

"I have to disagree completely," retorts Geoff. "Green Arrow is much more accurate with those arrows of his—plus, he doesn't just have normal arrows. He's got flaming arrows, he's got net arrows, he's got the boxing glove arrow—Gambit only has one type of bullet."

"To be honest, I have to agree with both of you," admits Max. "Green Arrow has a lot more versatility with his Arrows—plus, he usually carries around thirty or forty arrows. On the other hand, Gambit's pistol has massive destructive power. I'm torn between the two weapons, so to be fair, let's call it a draw."

_In long-range weapons, neither warrior gets the edge with their equally devastating armament. But this match is just getting started—it's time to test our heroes' medium-range weapons. For Gambit, this weapon is also his signature item._

We see Gambit, his eyes glowing an ominous red, holding up a two of hearts playing card. The card suddenly bursts into purple flames, and Gambit chucks it at the camera.

_Gambit's __**Kinetic Playing Cards**__—charged with potent kinetic energy that delivers a deadly explosion on impact._

Rogue picks up a deck of playing cards off the table, and approaches our _Deadliest Warrior _team. "What ah got here is a standard bunch-a playin' cards," she says. "52 to a deck, 54 if'n y'all count the jokers. As y'all can see, these are lightweight, easy ta' carry 'round, and most important, they're real accurate when ya throw 'em."

"But Gambit's got that mutant power that he uses to charge them with energy, right?" Geoff asks.

"Right," Rogue replies. "Ah don't know all the science b'hind it, but sweet-cheeks always charges 'em all up with his kinetic whoop-dee-doo 'fore he throws 'em.

_The kinetic energy Gambit imbues each card with takes at least a second to take, and explodes on impact._

"We ain't jus' talkin' 'bout a simple gunshot impact here," Rogue assures. "We're talkin' explosive damage done bah each card Remy throws.

_To test the power of the kinetic playing cards, the team heads outside to the target range, where numerous targets have been set up. To simulate Gambit's kinetic powers, we've attached miniature explosives to each playing card that will explode upon impact. Each explosive packs the same power as if Gambit has charged each card for one second._

"Are you ready, Rogue?" shouts Geoff from afar.

"Fer sho, sugah!" Rogue shouts back.

"Three, two, one—THROW 'EM!" Geoff instructs. Rogue flings one of the cards at one of the five mannequins, and almost immediately after it touches the target, the card explodes in a blast of purplish-pink fire. But Rogue doesn't stop at just one—she continues throwing cards at the mannequins, creating a barrage of powerful explosions that rock the area. When Rogue has thrown sixteen cards, she finally lets up, and when the dust finally clears, most of the mannequins lie on the ground in piles of charred remains. One mannequin is still standing, but it is covered in burns and pieces of playing card.

"Holy shit!" Max cries.

"Geezus!" Geoff adds.

_When the damage is assessed, the cards prove themselves to be lethal projectiles._

"There's no need for scientific analysis here—these guys are all dead," says Dr. Dorian as he steps up to the carnage that used to be three gel torsos. "There's no way somebody could've survived an explosion like what we saw with those playing cards at such close quarters."

_The damage caused by Gambit's playing cards is devastating, but Team Green Arrow believe they have a weapon that can stop them._

"There's no doubt that those playing cards cause death," Black Canary admits. "But Gambit can't throw them if he's incapacitated by Ollie's bola.

The camera shows Green Arrow throwing a net-like object at a thug on a rooftop. When the object reaches the thug, the net wraps around the thug, trapping him.

_The __**Bola**__: four iron balls attached to a square net, designed to stop the enemy dead in his tracks._

Black Canary grabs a bola from the table of Green Arrow's weaponry, and approaches our _Deadliest Warrior _experts. "Gentlemen, I have here for you Ollie's bola," she says. "When Ollie wants to ensnare his enemies rather than kill them, he throws this little number.

"How does it work?" asks Geoff.

"Basically, this weapon lets momentum carry it into the enemy," Canary explains as she gestures to the weapon. "The iron balls around the net allow the bola to spin through the air, and when it reaches its target, the net wraps around the body, entangling the foe and preventing escape.

The camera cuts to a shot of a large glass chamber. Around the edges of the chamber are three large metal doors, shut tight.

_To test the bola's accuracy, Geoff sets up a special test for Black Canary using live targets._

"Okay, what's gonna happen is this: behind each one of these doors is a trained ninja," Geoff explains. "When I give the signal to release them, they'll come barreling out at you.

Geoff, Max, Dr. Dorian and Speedy now stand outside the chamber, with Black Canary inside with three bolas at the ready.

"Are you ready?" asks Geoff.

"Roger!" shouts Canary.

"Three, two, one—RELEASE THE NINJAS!" Geoff orders. The three doors are all opened at once, and the three ninjas come leaping out at the same time. Canary throws one bola at one of the ninjas, and the weapon wraps around the ninja's body, trapping him as he falls to the ground. Canary dodges a punch from the second ninja and throws a bola at his legs, ensnaring him. The third ninja tries to roundhouse kick Canary, but she skillfully dodges it and throws her last bola around the ninja's torso, making him a human cocoon. Within seconds, all three ninjas lie on the ground, squirming to break free of the bolas.

"Nice…" says Geoff.

_The bola's accuracy is impressive, but it's not a killing strike._

Dr. Dorian steps into the glass chamber to analyze the damage. "Okay, you've tied this guy up pretty good, and he's not going anywhere," says the doctor as the ninja squirms and wriggles to try to break free from the net. "However, this is not a killing strike on its own—your enemy can still fight back if he's not completely incapacitated.

"Yes," says Canary, "but you've got to think that this weapon, when paired with another weapon like the broadsword, would incapacitate someone enough to actually facilitate a kill."

_Canary isn't giving up, but the numbers don't lie. In medium-range weapons, Gambit's playing cards take the edge. But this match is only starting to get ugly—it's time to test each warrior's wicked close-range weapon._

Black Canary picks up a large sword from the table and holds it up to the light. "Yeah…this'll teach 'em."

_Green Arrow's close-range weapon of choice is powerful, destructive, and dates back more than 500 years._

We see Green Arrow using his sword to knock down a criminal. He then presses the sword against the criminal's throat as a look of fear crosses the downed man's face.

_The __**Broadsword**__—three feet of solid steel, perfect for hacking off limbs and breaking bones._

"Medieval knights used broadswords for their power and killing potential, and Ollie's broadsword is no different," explains Canary. "This thing can cause havoc, and then some."

_To test the broadsword's killing potential, our team sets up a pig carcass, which has the same density and resistance as human flesh._

"Are you ready, Black Canary?" asks Geoff.

"Oh yeah!" Canary replies, standing at the ready with the sword.

"Three, two, one—CARVE 'EM UP!" Geoff screams. On Geoff's signal, Canary swings the broadsword at the hanging pig, almost cutting clean through it. She doesn't stop there, though—she keeps on slashing and hacking at the carcass, causing multiple lacerations and deep cuts. When she finishes, most of the pig is on the floor.

"Yeah!" cheers Max.

"You said you wanted carnage?" asks Canary. "You've got it…"

"No question about it, this is a killing weapon," says Geoff as he steps up to assess the damage up-close. "Look at this—you cut almost completely through that pig with your first swing!"

_There's no question that the broadsword is lethal, but our Gambit experts have something they think is even better._

"Yeah, y'all sure made some good-ass bacon with yer little meat cleaver," says Lapin. "But Remy's weapon could block that thang in a heartbeat…

_Gambit's weapon of choice is a specially constructed master of blunt trauma._

We see Gambit grappling with a crowbar-wielding criminal with his signature staff. He disarms the thief of the crowbar and bashes him in the head, spattering blood on the camera.

_Gambit's __**Telescopic Staff**__: an extendable metal rod designed specifically for close combat._

Emil is now seen holding Gambit's staff with both hands as he begins to explain to the people at home how it is used.

"Remy's staff ain't just somethin' he picked up outta some hahdware store…it's a killin' weapon," explains Emil. "Ya kin extend this part here, deliver some carnage at a distance; or ya can jus' keep it the length it is now, and use it like a baseball bat to crack some heads open. Plus, ya kin block blows with this thing…broadsword can't do that."

_To test the staff's reach, we've set up three blood-filled splatter balls at a distance of three feet, and three more at a distance of five feet._

Emil stands ready with the staff, wielding it like a club.

"Three, two, one—SMASH IT!" Geoff orders.

With one side swing, Emil smashes through the three targets at the three-foot range, destroying them all and spilling blood everywhere. He steps out a little further, and swings the staff in the opposite direction, annihilating the three balls set up at five feet.

_Both warriors' close-range weapons are devastating, but which one has the edge?_

"When it comes to Broadsword vs. Staff, I've gotta give the edge to the Broadsword," Geoff admits to his two buddies.

"I agree 100%," says Max. "The staff is a good bludgeoning weapon, but that's basically all it is. With the broadsword, it's one hit, one kill."

_In close-range weapons, the edge goes to Green Arrow for the broadsword. But it's not over yet—Gambit and Green Arrow still have a few tricks up their sleeve that our experts each believe will give their hero the killing edge._

Th' beauty 'bout Remy's powers is that he can use anythin' to smash somebody's head in, as long as he can charge it up with energy," says Rogue. "An' Remy can charge up anythin' he can carry. Case in point…" Rogue reaches into her pocket and pulls out a handful of change. "…his own stackin' money.

_**Kinetic Pocket Change**__: money in the bank for delivering pain at a distance._

"Remy used this little trick ta' rescue our partner Storm once in a recon mission," explains Rogue.* "There ain't no reason why he can't use it again."

_To test the power of the charged coins, our team heads outside and sets up another gel torso for our Gambit experts to take aim at. Just like the cards, each coin is rigged with a tiny explosive device that packs the same power as if Gambit charged the coins for one second. The explosive will go off when it makes contact with the target._

"Are you ready, Rogue?" asks Geoff.

Rogue, who is standing in front of the gel torso, nods as a response.

"Three, two, one—LET 'ER RIP!" Geoff yells.

Rogue throws the loose change at the dummy's body, causing a small explosion that rocks the area. When the dust settles, portions of the dummy's gel "skin" have been ripped open, and the area where the coins hit are visible due to the burn marks that surround them.

"Nice…" says Max.

_But is the kinetic pocket change forceful enough to cause a kill?_

Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage. "Okay, this guy's suffered some severe burns, some major trauma, maybe even some bleeding around the impact area," he admits. "But this is not a killing strike on its own. If you wanted to kill with that change, you'd have to hit the eyes, the mouth, the neck—something vulnerable that would be close to a major artery. And with these coins tending to spread several places, that's not easy to do."

_Despite the carnage, Team Green Arrow seems unfazed._

"Well, well, well," says Speedy as he and Black Canary step up to look over the torso. "Looks like we have a little burn damage here. Green Arrow can take burns—he's fought fire-wielding villains before, you know…"

"To boot, Ollie's gonna have a shield," Canary explains. "Getting through that with your cute little coins is not going to be easy."

"Plus, who in their right mind throws away money?" Speedy wonders aloud.

_While Gambit's special weapon is something extra he carries around, for Green Arrow, it's one of his main weapons used in an entirely different manner._

The camera shows Green Arrow smashing the Clock King in the head with his Longbow.

_The __**Bow Staff**__: proof that you don't need arrows to kill with a bow._

"A longbow isn't just for shooting arrows," Speedy says to the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. "This thing is made of rosewood, which is very durable, and if you want to smack somebody in the head with it, that's a definite possibility."

_To test the bow staff's power, our team heads back inside, where they set up a fresh gel torso for Speedy to take a whack at._

"Are you ready, Speedy?" asks Desmoulin.

"Yes, sir!" he replies, standing at the ready with the bow in front of the fresh torso.

"Three, two, one…SMASH IT!" Geoff shouts.

On Geoff's signal, Speedy begins smashing the gel dummy with the Longbow. As the guys cheer him on, the first strike he makes dislocates the jaw, the second one bloodies the nose, and another strike smashes the ribs.

_The results are staggering._

"I think we're all in agreement that a bow isn't just for launching arrows," Max laughs.

"Absolutely," says Dr. Dorian as he begins to examine the bloody torso. "That second strike you did broke this guy's nose, and the next one actually cracked multiple ribs. This guy is on the ground after a few seconds-still conscious, but unable to breathe. He's gonna die in a few minutes."

_Despite the bow staff's surprising power, our Gambit experts don't buy it._

"Why the hell wouldja use a bow like that anyhow?" says Emil as he assesses the bow staff. "It's a bow! Use it like a damn bow!"

_But for our experts, it's a no-brainer._

"In Kinetic Pocket Change vs. Bow Staff, I've gotta go with the bow staff," Geoff tells Max and Dr. Dorian.

"Absolutely," agrees Max. "It's more lethal, and it can be used over and over again. Edge goes to the bow staff."

_In Special Weapons, Green Arrow takes the edge with his bow staff._

We see a montage of some of the weapons tests that have taken place in the episode.

_With the testing now complete, Max Geiger now loads the data into a state-of-the-art computer program developed by Slitherine Studios, to determine the winner._

**Long-range weapons edge: Both Gambit's Magnum Pistol and Green Arrow's Longbow**  
**Medium-range weapons edge: Gambit's Kinetic Playing Cards**  
**Close-range weapons edge: Green Arrow's Broadsword**  
**Special weapons edge: Green Arrow's Bow Staff**

_To prevent the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, Max will simulate the battle a thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: direct…_

We see Green Arrow fighting off criminals with his broadsword.

_Versus deceptive._

We see Gambit sneaking up on a man and shooting him in the back with his pistol.

_Steel arrows…_

We see Green Arrow firing multiple steel-tipped arrows at the camera.

_Versus explosive kinetic energy._

We see a close-up of Gambit charging up a playing card and throwing it at an attacking Avalanche.

_A hero with a code of honor…_

We see Green Arrow bowing his head over the body of a criminal he has killed, but not meant to do so.

_Versus one who's not afraid to play a little dirty._

We see Gambit lying on the ground, playing possum, as a thief approaches, and then smashing him in the side of the head with his staff when he gets close enough.

Max Geiger is now seated at his trusty laptop. "I think we've got about all the data we need," he says to Geoff and Dr. Dorian, who are leaning on the table next to the computer. "What do you say we fire this sucker up?"

"Let's do it," says Geoff, nodding in anticipation.

"Lock and load…" says Max. He presses a button on the computer, and the screen goes all "_Matrix_-like", filling with a background of green-and-black binary code, which gives way to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The setting is that of a city at twilight. Gambit is seen on a street corner, where he lights up a cigarette and begins to smoke. Unbeknownst to Gambit, Green Arrow is furtively watching him from a nearby alley on the opposite side of the street. He notches an arrow in his longbow and takes aim at Gambit's head. The arrow makes a "click" sound as it leaves the bow, and out of the corner of his blood-red eye, Gambit notices the green streak heading straight for his head. Just before the arrow would have pierced Gambit's skull, the mutant ducks, and the arrow strikes a brick in the building behind him. Glaring at the direction where the arrow came from, Gambit pulls a .44 Magnum pistol from his coat and fires several bullets into the alley. Green Arrow leaps out from the alley to dodge the gunfire, and the two heroes come face-to-face. Gambit points his pistol at his opponent, but Green Arrow sees this and fires an arrow at the pistol, lodging the arrow in the barrel of the gun and rendering it useless. Frustrated, Gambit drops his pistol, grabs a playing card from his coat, charges it, and throws it at Green Arrow. Green Arrow dives out of the way of the card just in time, shooting another arrow while leaping behind a parked car. Gambit dodges the arrow and launches another playing card—at the car's gas tank. The car explodes, launching Green Arrow to the side of the street where Gambit is. Gambit feels for another playing card, but Green Arrow quickly grabs his bolo and throws it at Gambit's legs, causing Gambit to lose his balance and fall to the ground. Green Arrow gets up, draws his broadsword and prepares to hack Gambit up, but Gambit throws some kinetically charged pocket change in Green Arrow's face, dazing the Emerald Archer for a few seconds. This is all Gambit needs to pull the bolo off and grab another playing card. Before Gambit can charge the card, though Green Arrow grabs his longbow and smashes Gambit in the head. Gambit shakes it off and grabs his staff. Green Arrow responds by retrieving his broadsword. The two exchange blows for a few moments. A slash from Green Arrow's sword catches Gambit in the leg, and Gambit winces in pain. Gambit smashes Green Arrow in the stomach with his staff before Green Arrow knocks Gambit back with a kick to the gut. He attempts to load an arrow, but Gambit charges up another card and throws it at him, knocking him backwards and into a parked jeep. As Green Arrow painfully tries to get to his feet, Gambit rushes forward and smashes Green Arrow in the head with his staff. Green Arrow bleeds from his nose as he slumps back onto the jeep. Gambit pulls an ace of spades card from his coat, charges it for a good five seconds, places it in Green Arrow's mouth, and then runs away. Unable to move, Green Arrow closes his eyes as he awaits the inevitable. The card explodes, and the jeep with it. In the smoldering wreckage, Gambit slowly approaches the jeep, where he finds Green Arrow's lifeless, badly burnt body. He takes a final moment to take in the gruesome scene before disappearing into the darkness of the night.

**Winner: Gambit**

"When I ran the simulation, Gambit emerged victorious in about 53% of the battles," explains Max. "It was definitely a close match, but Gambit was extremely lethal with his weapons at _all_ ranges, while Green Arrow was lethal at only long and short-range."

_But it was close. Out of a thousand battles, Gambit won 531 of them. His deadliest weapons were his pistol and playing cards, which both claimed almost as many kills as all of Green Arrow's weapons combined._

**Gambit Kills: 531**  
.44 Magnum Pistol: 230  
Kinetic Playing Cards: 216  
Staff: 83  
Kinetic Pocket Change: 2

_Green Arrow wasn't far behind with 469 kills. His best weapon was his trademarked longbow, which netted him over half of his total kills. However, it wasn't enough._

**Green Arrow Kills: 469**  
Longbow & Arrows: 274  
Bola: 0  
Broadsword: 173  
Bow Staff: 22

"Before the testing started, I thought Green Arrow was going to win," admits Dr. Dorian. "But I guess Gambit just proved too scrappy to beat."

"Gambit is one of the dirtiest players in the game," says Geoff. "He's not afraid to use unconventional tactics that most superheroes won't resort to using, and that's why he kicked Green Arrow's ass."

"There was nevah any doubt in mah mind," Rogue says, smiling. "Mah sweet-cheeks can beat _anybody_ that gets in his way."

"Remy won 'cause that crazy jackass's tactics work," explains Lapin. "Mistah Gay Robin Hood didn't stand a chance…"

"Am I disappointed? Absolutely," says Black Canary. "But Ollie's still the better man. I know the man I married, and he could beat that glorified thief Gambit any day of the week."

"I've got to admit, Gambit's pretty tough," confesses Speedy. "But I still think Green Arrow could beat him in real life—_nobody_ makes Arrow look like a fool like Gambit just did.

We see Gambit, his red eyes glowing fiercely as he grabs a handful of playing cards, charges them with energy, and flings them at the camera as the show comes to a close.

_*This occurred in _X-Men Annual #3.

Well, there you have it. My first episode of _Deadliest Hero/Villain_. Please send me reviews—I'd love to know what you think. If you have any ideas for future match-ups between comic book heroes or villains, let me know. I need all the inspiration I can get. Next match: Jonah Hex vs. Ghost Rider. See you soon!


	2. Chapter 2: Jonah Hex vs Ghost Rider

***NOTE**: I do not own _Deadliest Warrior_, or DC, or Marvel Comics—if I owned any of them, I'd be filthy stinking rich. This story is completely fictional, and aside from the three _Deadliest Warrior_ guys, (obviously) does not depict real people. Got any suggestions for future matches? Let me know—I take all suggestions into consideration.

All statements by the All-Seeing Narrator in this episode are in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Hero: Jonah Hex vs. Ghost Rider**

As the show begins, we see a man dressed like a cowboy, cocking a long rifle. His face is horribly disfigured on the right side.

_Jonah Hex—battle-scarred bounty hunter of the Old West._

The camera shows Jonah Hex grappling with a man before kicking him into a barrel of water outside a saloon.

Another man comes into view. His body is completely on fire, and his face is just a skull. He's wielding a large chain, which like him, is on fire.

_Ghost Rider—flame-cloaked motorcyclist who sold his soul to the devil, and later regretted his actions._

The camera shows Ghost Rider riding his flaming motorcycle through the streets of a city at night, swinging his flaming chain in the air.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_THE DEADLIEST HERO!_

The title sequence ends, and we find ourselves in the fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle zone that transcends the boundaries between the Marvel and DC comic book universes. Here, we've gathered together scientists, physicians, heroes, and a weapons arsenal that would make a comic book nerd salivate. It's all to create a battle between two legendary heroes—Jonah Hex, lethal Wild West sharpshooter of the DC Universe, versus Ghost Rider, flame-charged demonic cyclist of the Marvel Universe._

**Jonah Hex Stats  
**Real Name: Jonah Woodson Hex  
Ht: 5'11"  
Wt: 189 lbs  
Gear: 16 lbs  
Armor: None  
Superpowers: Expert marksmanship

**Ghost Rider Stats  
**Real Name: Johnny Blaze  
Ht: 6'2"  
Wt: 220 lbs  
Gear: 25 lbs  
Armor: Hellfire  
Superpowers: Superhuman strength, control of hellfire

_Karate black belt and biomedical expert Geoff Desmoulin will set up the mechanisms to track the lethality of each hero's arsenal of weapons._

"Today, we're dealing with two lethal anti-heroes from opposite comic book universes," explains the biomedical scientist. "On one hand, we have Jonah Hex, one of the most deadly sharpshooters known to the DC universe. On the other hand, there's Ghost Rider, who's almost impenetrable to gunfire. This should be a great match-up."

_E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will survey the damage each weapon inflicts._

"I'm used to seeing burn wounds in my field of work," says the doctor, "but the kind of fire used by Ghost Rider is different. This kind of fire not only scorches skin, muscle and tissue, but it also destroys the soul. That kind of trauma can't be measured."

_Computer programmer Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine once and for all who is the Deadliest Hero._

"I've had to tweak the program a little bit for this one," admits Max. "In the Marvel universe, Ghost Rider is immortal, but for this one-on-one fight, we're taking away that immortality to prevent this from being a completely one-sided fight."

The camera shows a sinister-looking man with brown hair and a neatly trimmed brown beard and mustache. He's holding a long rifle.

_Representing Jonah Hex: international terrorist and assassin Ra's al Ghul. Ra's is an expert Jonah Hex historian, and knows many aspects of Jonah's life and legacy._

"Like myself, Hex sought to rid the world of impurities", Ra's hisses. "I believe he could have done a slightly better job of it, though—biological warfare _did_ exist in Hex's day…"

We also see a young woman with shoulder-length nappy blonde hair, wearing a hodgepodge blue-and-pink outfit. She's pointing two revolvers at the camera.

_Also representing Jonah: member of the Road Reapers Stiletta. Stiletta met Jonah during his trip to the future, and developed a close relationship with the rogue gunfighter._

"Every hero in the world idolizes Jonah for pioneering the superhero ways," says Stiletta. "This Ghost Rider guy has no chance whatsoever."

_Jonah Woodson Hex was born in 1838 to an alcoholic father and a prostituting mother. Sold into slavery by his own father, he lived among an Apache tribe for several years. After returning to his tribe, he accidentally killed the chief's son in a duel, and was branded on the right side of his face with a hot tomahawk, leaving his trademark scar._

"Jonah Hex was, without question, the greatest gunfighter and close combat specialist in history," brags Ra's. "No one else comes close."

_But our Ghost Rider experts believe that Hex is in over his head._

We see a young man with brown hair and green eyes. His right hand catches fire as he stares at the camera.

_Representing Ghost Rider: brother and former comrade Danny Ketch. Endowed with the hero's same powers, Ketch_was _Ghost Rider for a time, so he knows the powers of the troubled man firsthand._

"I know Johnny personally," says Ketch, "and there's no way he's gonna be taken down with a simple gunshot. Hellfire blocks all bullet wounds, end of story."

We also see a young woman wearing a red hood and a tattered green gown, with a bandolier, gun belt, and twin katanas at her side. She wields a modern-looking rifle.

_Also representing Ghost Rider: Sister Sara, a powerful heroine known to many comic book fans as the second Caretaker._

"Blaze is surely among the most powerful heroes in the world, if not _the_ most powerful," says Sara. "He's armored with the ungodly fire of hell from head to toe, and though I despise it, it would definitely protect him from gunfire."

_When stunt cyclist Johnny Blaze's father contracted a terminal illness, he sold his soul to the devil to save his father's life. When his father died anyway, the demon Mephisto was recruited to hunt down Blaze and collect his soul. From that day forth, Blaze became a man on the run, battling evil and making sure he did not get captured by the forces of darkness._

"I have made certain that Blaze does not go to hell for the rash decision he made so many years ago," says Sara. "But he chose the lifestyle he lives now because he does not want people to make the same rash decision he did. Among the pantheon of heroes, this is surely the most admirable quality."

_But how would the Marvel Universe's best-known and most-feared vigilante fare against a man many DC heroes consider to be the predecessor of many modern hero tactics?_

"Up front, I actually have to go with Jonah," Geoff admits. "He may have slightly outdated weapons, but they're hard-hitting, and he's lethal up close with his short-range weapons."

"I definitely have to go with Ghost Rider," predicts Geiger. "I think the hellfire that surrounds his body will be more than enough to protect him from most of Jonah Hex's firearms, plus there's the fact that the fire can be used as a deadly projectile."

_Ghost Rider's primary weapon comes straight from the depths of hell._

The camera shows Ghost Rider launching balls and bursts of fire at groups of people.

**_Hellfire_**_: guaranteed to char-broil the opponent straight into the Seventh Circle of Satan's domain._

Danny Ketch and our _Deadliest Warrior_ guys are now standing in the middle of the fight club as Ketch begins to explain all about hellfire. "Gentlemen, I give you…" Ketch's hand suddenly spontaneously combusts. "…hellfire."

"Whoa…" says Max, in awe at the display.

"Johnny's entire body is completely engulfed in this," explains Ketch, "and it serves as both armor and a great projectile weapon as well."

"Now, we've seen flamethrowers tested on this show before," says Geoff, "and we know the extent of fire damage. Tell us what's different about this fire."

"This isn't just fire…this is _hell_fire," Ketch emphasizes. "It doesn't just burn skin, bone, and everything else in its path—it cuts straight through to the soul."

"I can only imagine the pain that causes," says Max.

"Indeed," replies Ketch.

_To test the hellfire's lethality, our team heads outside and sets up a target for Danny to take aim at—a ballistics gel torso with the same mass and density as human flesh and bone._

Outside on the sandy, barren firing range, Ketch stands about twenty feet away from the set-up torso, while the others wait behind a protective barrier and look on in anticipation.

"All right, on my word," instructs Geoff from behind the barrier. "Danny, are you ready?"

"Yes, I am!" Ketch says.

"Three, two, one—FIRE IN THE HOLE!" exclaims Geoff.

Ketch holds both his hands in front of him and produces a massive amount of hellfire, shooting it straight at the gel torso. After about five seconds, he stops, and the damage is assessed. The only thing left of the almost-completely melted gel torso is a scorched portion of the chest still barely hanging on to the steel pole used to support it.

"HELL YEAH!" whoops Geoff.

_The damage is devastating._

"That hellfire is by far one of the deadliest weapons we've seen on this show!" exclaims Geoff. "Look at this guy—you've practically _melted_ him!"

"If Jonah can't get out of the way of this, he might as well just pack it in now," admits Max.

"Yeah, where are those Jonah Hex guys?" says Ketch, looking around for Ra's and Stiletta before they appear onscreen. "You see this?"

"Pshaw," says Ra's, shaking his head. "Hex would dodge that in a heartbeat."

"You can see that fire coming," observes Stiletta. "The weapon Jonah has, you won't even be able to see it."

"Are you kidding me?" says Ketch, rolling his eyes.

_The Ghost Rider experts kick off the battle with a killing strike, but our Jonah Hex team is ready to return fire with a deadly weapon that Jonah used to kill many a man._

We see Jonah gunning a man down with two ivory-handled pistols.

_Jonah's _**_Dual Colt Revolvers_**_: death of a higher caliber. A .45 caliber, that is._

Stiletta grabs two identical ivory-handled revolvers from a table and brings them to the _Deadliest Warrior _team, handing one to Geoff Desmoulin. "Feast your eyes on Jonah's twin Colts, boys," she says.

"Look at that ivory handle," says Geoff as he admires the pistol's craftsmanship. "This is a beautiful gun."

"Beautiful…and deadly," Stiletta adds.

_To test the lethality of the Colt revolvers, our team heads outside, where numerous mannequins have been set up for Stiletta to take aim at._

"Stiletta, are you ready?" Geoff asks from behind the protective Plexiglas barrier.

"Oh yeah!" Stiletta says, pointing the guns at the targets before her.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!" Geoff orders.

On Geoff's signal, Stiletta fires the dual Colts at the three mannequins. Every bullet strikes a target, and when all twelve rounds have been fired, blood and bullet holes litter the mannequins.

_Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the massive damage._

"Let's take a look here," says Dorian as he heads over to the first foam mannequin. "This shot to the head, instant kill. You've shot this guy under the armpit and in the liver—he's gonna die in a few minutes. This third one, you've shot at exactly the spot where the superior vena cava is—that's one of the main blood vessels leaving the heart, and he'll bleed out and die in about ten seconds."

"You can see now why Jonah loved these things," says Stiletta. Geoff and Max nod in agreement as Danny and Sara come over to the mannequins and survey the damage.

_But despite the damage, our Ghost Rider experts aren't impressed._

"Well, this is all fine and dandy with an unarmored, _normal_ person," says Ketch. "But there's one little problem…what was it? Oh, yeah…Johnny's cloaked in _flames_! There's no _way_ those bullets will penetrate that hellfire!"

"Care to back that up, Mr. Tough Talk?" asks Stiletta.

"Bring it on…" says Ketch.

_To make the tests a bit more realistic, our team sets up another mannequin, wearing a flame-retardant suit and lit up with hellfire._

Ketch lights the mannequin up, then runs out of range of the gunfire. Once Geoff gives Stiletta the signal, she fires several bullets at the target, and when she finishes, it looks like very minimal damage has been done.

_When tested against hellfire, the Colts lose a lot of their firepower._

The hellfire on the mannequin has now been put out, and Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.

"Okay, that hellfire really did its job," says the doctor. "I don't see many bullet marks on this guy at all. The only one is right here, on the neck—that in and of itself is an instant kill. However, you'd have to hit it in just the right spot, and with that hellfire cloaking the shoulders and possibly even obscuring your vision with the brightness, that isn't easy."

"See?" mocks Ketch. "You guys talk all about the legendary Colt pistols, and look what happened."

"Hey, I shot the guy in the neck!" retorts Stiletta. "Even though he was armored by that hellfire, it's still not completely foolproof. I think we've just found a kink in your little suit of armor!"

_But which medium-range weapon is a more efficient killer?_

"So, which weapon gets the edge between the hellfire and the Colts?" Geoff Desmoulin asks his two buddies.

"Hellfire, all the way," Max replies. "Those Colts barely made a dent in that dummy cloaked with hellfire. But the hellfire absolutely melted that gel torso, plus there's the fact that it can cause severe trauma on someone's soul."

"No question about it," says Dr. Dorian, "hellfire, one hundred percent."

_In medium-range weapons, the edge goes to Ghost Rider for the hellfire. But the testing is far from over—our experts now unload with each warrior's most powerful firearm. And Ghost Rider wields a powerful firearm that has proven time and time again to be a difference-maker._

We see Ghost Rider mowing down a group of people with a very well-known assault rifle.

_The _**_M16 Rifle_**_—an assault firearm that outperforms the AK-47 in terms of accuracy._

Sara picks up the jet-black rifle from a table, and approaches our three hosts as she elucidates its properties. "All right—this is the M16 rifle. This rifle is accurate, powerful, and regularly used by the United States military. Blaze wouldn't be caught without a firearm like this one."

"We've seen numerous assault rifles tested on this show, including the AK-47," says Geiger. "How does this compare against the AK?"

"For one thing, it's a lot more accurate," Sara explains. "Also, it can fire a lot more bullets in a shorter period of time. Johnny could well get his hands on an AK-47, but he prefers an accurate weapon—something like this."

_To test the M16, the team heads back outside and sets up several fresh targets for Sister Sara to demonstrate upon._

"Are you ready, Sara?" Geoff asks.

Sara, who is positioned in front of the field of foam mannequins, nods in response.

"Three, two, one—CHOP 'EM UP!" Geoff exclaims.

On Geoff's word, Sara opens fire with the M16. Bullets spray out of the rifle like a fountain, riddling the four mannequins before her. Finally, after about twenty seconds, the bullets stop, and the mannequins are barely recognizable.

"Put down the rifle, doctor coming through," says Dr. Dorian as he steps in to assess the gory damage. "Okay, looks like you've almost cut this guy in half. Three shots to the gut, right in a row, this is a kill. Mannequin #2…shot to the head, this is a kill. These other two right here—this guy is in a lot of pain, but because you only shot him in the arms and shoulder. It's painful, but it's not a kill. And the last guy? You shot him in the armpit and the side of the waist. He'll die in about an hour, but he can still fight back."

"All I can say is that those two must have the Lord on their side," Sara says, "because normally, this rifle would've destroyed _everything_."

_Ghost Rider has a deadly long-range weapon, but our Jonah Hex experts believe that Hex has something better._

We see Jonah firing a long rifle at another man, killing him instantly.

_The _**_Winchester Rifle_**_: revolutionary when it was introduced, and deadly when it's fired._

The team is still outside, and Ra's al-Ghul has a Winchester rifle in his hands. He begins to explain the weapon to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian:

"Gentlemen, this is the Winchester rifle. This firearm was a groundbreaking concept when it was first introduced in the mid-1800s in the United States."

"How was it groundbreaking, exactly?" Geoff inquires.

"For the first time, a person could get sufficient multiple shots from a rifle," says Ra's. "One could load the barrel with ammunition, and get up to sixteen shots from a single firearm."

"But how does this stack up against the M16?" asks Max.

"This rifle is more accurate than the M16, and also has a longer range," Ra's brags.

_Our experts have set up several targets for Ra's to prove his points, set out at a longer distance than the M16's targets._

"Ra's, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Indubitably," says Ra's, already pointing the Winchester at one of the targets before him.

"Three, two, one—GUN 'EM DOWN!" Geoff yells.

On Geoff's signal, Ra's fires the Winchester at the targets, hitting every one of them dead-center. He's very quick with his shots, and every one of the bullets he fires hits a target. When he finishes, Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.

"This is amazing," the doctor observes. "_All_ of these shots are instant kills. You've hit several of them in the heart, several in the lungs, a few in the neck—they would _all_kill. That Winchester is one of the best-performing rifles I've ever seen."

_Despite the Winchester's spot-on accuracy, our Ghost Rider experts don't seem all that impressed._

"Sure, you were accurate," Sara admits, "but the M16 has about 200 years experience on its side. Plus, we've got many more bullets to use."

"Yes, but you wasted nearly half of them trying to annihilate your damn targets," Ra's hisses.

"Well, we can afford to waste bullets with the rate we fire them," Ketch retorts. "That proves that our M16 is better.

"Hey—he hit _every one_ of his targets dead-center," argues Stiletta. "You can't get much better than that!"

_But to determine which rifle is deadlier, it's up to our experts._

"In the case of M16 vs. Winchester, we have two out of four kills vs. four out of four," says Geoff. "Plus, with more blast behind it, the Winchester actually could do damage to a hellfire-cloaked opponent. So I'm gonna grow a pair and give my edge to the Winchester."

"I actually agree with you," Max admits. "The Winchester's just a tad more accurate, it's longer-range, and it has the potential to do more damage in the long run. The M16 may be able to fire more rapidly, but Jonah Hex is a great marksman, and could take this one with his Winchester."

_For long-range weapons, Jonah Hex takes the edge with the Winchester rifle. With the score now one apiece, our experts now turn their attention to the heroes' melee combat styles. In Ghost Rider's case, this involves his signature weapon._

We see Ghost Rider swinging his chain around, hitting multiple people standing around him.

_Ghost Rider's _**_Enchanted Chain_**_: seven feet of flaming metal swung for maximum impact._

Ketch, who is holding Ghost Rider's chain, and our _Deadliest Warrior_ team are now standing in front of a group of mannequins. Ketch begins to explain about the chain:

"What I have here is the signature weapon that Johnny used to dispatch many foes time and time again. This chain is special because it bends to Johnny's will, so it'll go wherever he wants it to."

"So it's like a psychic chain, almost?" asks Max.

"In a manner of speaking, yeah," Ketch says, nodding.

We now see Danny standing inside a ring of hanging clay pots with the chain in his hand.

_To test the chain's power, we've set up numerous hanging targets at various distances around Ketch._

"GO!" Geoff orders.

On Geoff's signal, Danny swings the heavy chain at the clay pots. Within six seconds, he has broken twelve pots, leaving only one still barely hanging.

"Nice…" says Geoff.

"Well, I think we're in agreement that that's a strong weapon, but from what I saw, it's pretty slow," Geiger admits. "Is there any other way that chain can be used?"

"If you set up another gel head for me, I'll show you a little surprise," says Danny, smiling.

The team obliges, and another gel torso is set up for Danny. He stands about six feet in front of it with the enchanted chain.

"Ready, Ketch?" Geoff asks.

"You know I am!" Danny replies.

"Three, two, one—GO!" Geoff signals.

On "go", Danny charges the chain up with hellfire. Then, flaming links from the chain launch at the gel torso, causing lacerations with burn marks around them on the torso. As if by magic, the pieces of chain then return to Danny and the chain reforms in his hand.

"Ho-ho-holy shit!" Max shouts.

"I was not expecting _that_!" admits Geoff.

_The detachable pieces of the chain are deceptively deadly._

"Look at this," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the destroyed torso with his gloved hands. "You've got one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight places where those chain links hit, and they all caused a lot of damage. There's a shot to the belly, numerous shots to the neck, and a couple even hit where the heart is right here. This, coupled with the fact that the chain is on fire, would be a kill shot."

_The enchanted chain is a deadly weapon, but our Jonah Hex experts believe they have something that is much better._

We now see Jonah fighting with a man in a Union Civil War uniform, and stabbing him through the neck with a long, sharp sword.

_The _**_Cavalry Saber_**_: a curved sword designed to block, slice, and stab in quick, unhindered fashion._

Ra's is wielding a large cavalry saber as he begins to explain to our three experts about the sword:

"Gentlemen, I have for you a standard Civil War cavalry saber. This was equipped to soldiers from both Union and Confederacy to use in close quarters, or when their ammunition ran out for their firearms."

"Now, we've seen many swords tested on this show," says Geiger, "and this looks a lot like a pirate's cutlass."

"Yes, it is very similar to a cutlass," says Ra's. "It's designed to slash in close quarters and do massive damage when it's swung."

_To test the saber, our team sets up the closest thing to human flesh—a pig carcass._

"Ra's, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"Indeed," says Ra's calmly as he stands before the hanging pig.

"Three, two, one—SLICE IT UP!" Geoff orders.

Ra's swings the saber at the pig carcass, leaving a huge gash in the side of the body. He continues slashing and stabbing the pig for a few seconds, and blood pours out of the wounds he makes. To finish, he swipes at the pig's leg, severing it completely and leaving the pig hanging by only one front leg.

"Yeah!" Geoff shouts.

"Okay, sword down, doctor behind you," says Dr. Dorian as he steps up to examine the pig. "This is absolutely a kill shot. You've gone deep into the chest with your first strike, and caused massive trauma with your other shots. But what I'm impressed with is the fact that you've severed this leg—if you had a little more momentum behind your strike, you could probably cut straight through a person's arm just like this."

_Despite the cavalry saber's killing potential, Team Ghost Rider is unfazed._

Ketch picks a piece of the pig up off the floor. "Pork chops, anyone?"

_But which weapon has the killing edge? Our experts are divided._

"In the case of Chain vs. Cavalry Saber, I've gotta go with the saber," says Geoff. "It's lighter, faster, and can be used in a lot closer quarters than the chain can."

"No way," argues Dr. Dorian. "I have yet to see any blunt trauma weapons perform as well as that enchanted chain did. It's massive, it obeys Ghost Rider's will, and the links can be detached to become deadly projectile weapons."

"I can see both of your points," says Max, "so I'll let the computer decide."

_Max inputs the results into the computer. It's a close call, but the edge goes to Ghost Rider and his chain. But our Jonah Hex experts aren't giving up—Jonah had one more weapon designed to deliver massive carnage to his enemies._

The camera shows Jonah grappling with a man, kicking him back. When the man comes back, Jonah stabs him in the stomach with a huge knife.

_The _**_Bowie knife_**_: a mountaineer's tool perfect for slicing meat—or human flesh._

Stiletta picks up the large knife from a table, and approaches the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts.

"Fellas, this is a Bowie knife," she says. "This could well be one of the finest close-quarter weapons ever devised."

"We've seen the Bowie knife tested before, and to me, it seems like overkill…" Max admits, thinking back to "Jesse James vs. Al Capone".

"'Overkill'?" Stiletta angrily remarks. "This thing can decapitate a man in one swipe!"

_To test the Bowie knife, our team sets up a gel torso for Stiletta to take aim at._

"Are you ready?" asks Geoff.

"Ready!" Stiletta yells, standing knife at the ready in front of the torso.

"Three, two, one—STAB IT!" Geoff instructs.

When the signal is given, Stiletta takes the Bowie knife and plunges it into the torso's chest, causing blood and innards to spill out when she removes it. She then slashes it across the gut several times, and finishes up by almost decapitating the torso.

"Yeah!" Geoff shouts. "_That's_ how it's done!"

_At such close proximity, the Bowie knife can cause massive damage._

Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage as Stiletta steps back a few more feet from the torso. "Okay, you don't have to be an expert to figure out that this is a killing blow," he says. "The first strike you did, you hit the chest. That would hit the heart, and that's an instant kill. The next shot hit the stomach, and you spilled the intestines with it. That would cause major bleeding, and the guy would die in a few hours. The next shot to the neck is without a doubt a kill—you cut the jugular, the subclavian artery…that knife is a deadly close-range weapon."

"Plus, it's a hell of a great throwing weapon, too…" Stiletta says as Dr. Dorian steps back from the torso. She throws the knife at the torso, lodging it in the side of the chest she didn't slice open.

_But our Ghost Rider team isn't packing it in yet._

"Well, that's all fine and dandy," says Danny, "but it's no good if you can't get close enough."

"And do you honestly think you'll be able to do that with that God-forsaken hellfire?" Sara adds.

_And Ghost Rider has a secret weapon up his sleeve that just might be able to bring Jonah Hex to his knees._

We see Ghost Rider locking eyes with one of his enemies. After a second or two, the man begins clutching his head and screaming in pain.

_The _**_Penance Stare_**_: a deadly fixing gaze that inflicts pain equal to all the suffering the victim has caused in his lifetime._

Ketch now stands in an open part of the fight club, empty-handed, along with our three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts.

"Uh…where's your weapon?" Geoff asks, confused.

"Right here…" Danny says, pointing at his eyes. "Johnny uses a tool called the Penance Stare to take down his enemies. He locks eyes with them, and they feel every ounce of pain they have caused to anyone else in their entire lives."

Geiger: That has to be one of the most f***ed-up ways to die…

"You're not kidding," Desmoulin agrees. "And with as many men as Jonah Hex killed during his lifetime, that's gonna cause massive pain, if not instant death."

A man dressed in an all-black ninja costume is led into the building, and he stands about three feet in front of Ketch.

_To test the Penance Stare, our team brings in a living target—a trained ninja who has hurt many people over his career of stunt work._

"Let me know when..." Ketch tells the hosts.

"Three, two, one—STARE HIM DOWN!" Geoff shouts.

Ketch locks eyes with the ninja and glares at him. Within two seconds, the ninja grabs his head and begins screaming in pain. He eventually falls on the floor, convulsing uncontrollably.

"Holy crap, man…" says Geoff as he, Max and Dr. Dorian stare at the writhing ninja.

_The Penance Stare completely incapacitates the ninja._

"If this is used by a person who has wronged or even killed many people, it's possible that the Penance Stare can even kill that person," explains Ketch.

"Like I said," begins Geoff, "with as many men as Jonah Hex has killed, it's gonna cause massive damage, and could even cause death."

_Both special weapons are deadly, but which one will get the edge?_

"I hate to do it," says Geiger, "but I think I have to give it to Jonah's Bowie knife. The Penance stare is only good if Jonah looks Ghost Rider straight in the eye."

"Agreed," says Geoff. "With the Bowie knife, you don't have to make eye contact to use it. Edge, Bowie knife."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Jonah Hex for the Bowie knife._

We now see a montage of some of the weapons that have been tested in this episode.

_With the testing complete, Max Geiger now loads the results into a battle simulation program that will determine, without a shadow of a doubt, who is the Deadliest Hero._

**Long-range weapons edge: Jonah Hex's Winchester Rifle  
Medium-range weapons edge: Ghost Rider's Hellfire  
Close-range weapons edge: Ghost Rider's Enchanted Chain  
Special weapons edge: Jonah Hex's Bowie Knife**

_To prevent the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: 21st-century…_

We see Ghost Rider blowing away a group of demon-possessed assailants with his M16 rifle.

_Versus 19th-century._

We see Jonah Hex blowing an assailant's head off with his Winchester.

_Hellfire…_

We see Ghost Rider throwing a blast of hellfire at the camera.

_Against flesh._

We see Jonah Hex dueling with another man with his cavalry saber, slashing him across the chest with it.

"It's time to decide once and for all who the Deadliest Hero is between these two," says Max, now seated in front of the computer. He turns to Geoff and Dr. Dorian, who are leaning up against the computer table in anticipation. "You guys ready?"

"Fire it up, my friend…" suggests Geoff.

Max presses a button on the computer. The screen goes all "_Matrix_-like", filling with a background of green-and-black binary code, which gives way to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The setting is a small town in the Old West. The sun is going down, and tumbleweeds blow across the dusty streets as Jonah Hex emerges from a saloon. He looks around, expecting trouble to appear at this time of day. Sure enough, he spots a bright, flaming object on the horizon heading toward town. After a few minutes, Ghost Rider pulls up in front of the saloon on his flaming motorcycle. He dismounts the bike, and looks up to see Jonah Hex standing outside the saloon's swinging doors, eyeing the flame-cloaked cyclist with suspicion in his eyes. As Ghost Rider slowly reaches for his M16 rifle, Jonah pulls one of his Colt revolvers from his side and shoots Ghost Rider in the chest. Ghost Rider's hellfire blocks the shot, but the demonic cyclist does flinch from the impact of the bullet. Ghost Rider grabs his M16 and fires several warning shots at Jonah's feet. Townspeople scream and run for cover as Jonah leaps out of the way just in time, rolling off the porch of the saloon and into an alley nearby. Jonah runs for the back of the saloon as Ghost Rider dismounts his motorcycle and chases after Jonah, wielding his M16 and enchanted chain. As Jonah reaches the back door of the saloon, he grabs his Winchester rifle and cavalry saber, which he left behind the saloon beforehand. Ghost Rider appears behind the saloon and throws several flaming links from his chain at Jonah, hitting the cowboy in the leg and chest. Jonah doubles over in pain, clutching his chest. Ghost Rider approaches Jonah, but when the flaming hero gets within three feet of the Western maverick, Jonah gets up, and slashes the scorching man across the gut with his saber. Johnny Blaze reels back in pain as Jonah Hex tries to hit him with two more shots from his Colts. One bullet hits Johnny's stomach and is negated by the hellfire, but the other strikes him in the left leg, causing him to favor it. Jonah rushes at Blaze and tries to tackle him, but the flame-cloaked hero grabs Jonah and throws him over his shoulder, sending him crashing into a nearby wooden barrel. Jonah recovers quickly and fires a shot from his Winchester, blowing Ghost Rider back several feet and dazing him. Ghost Rider is now injured, but still very much alive. Jonah enters the back door of the saloon, but Ghost Rider is right behind him. As the two make their way through the hallway, Jonah turns around and fires a single bullet from his Colt, but Ghost Rider is unaffected. Ghost Rider pushes Jonah Hex through the door leading to the bar room of the saloon, destroying the door and sending Jonah flying into and destroying a table in the bar room. Everyone who hasn't already scrambles out of the saloon as Jonah gets up and barrels toward Ghost Rider, but Ghost Rider throws him behind the bar with a blast of hellfire. Clutching his abdomen in pain, Jonah Hex stands up from behind the bar, pulls out his Bowie knife and throws it, hitting Ghost Rider in the left shoulder. Hissing in pain, Ghost Rider pulls out the knife as Jonah grabs his Winchester and points the rifle at the fiery stranger's head, intent on killing him. Suddenly, Ghost Rider lifts his head and locks eyes with Jonah Hex. Jonah suddenly drops his rifle, clutches his head, and starts screaming in agony—the Penance Stare has been used on him. As Jonah falls to the floor behind the bar and screams in pain, Ghost Rider regains his composure, approaches the bar, and looks over it. Jonah looks up from the floor, and the last thing he sees is Ghost Rider holding his arm out and smiling. Ghost Rider fires a huge blast of hellfire behind the bar, completely engulfing Jonah in demonic flames. In the flaming wreckage of the bar, we see Jonah's lifeless, smoldering body with a look of horror permanently affixed on the dead hero's face. Ghost Rider walks behind the bar, kicks Jonah's body to make sure he's dead, grabs a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey, and takes a celebratory swig. He then exits the saloon, climbs back on his motorcycle, and rides away.

**Winner: Ghost Rider**

"Ghost Rider emerged victorious in about one-third of the battles in our simulation," Max explains. "What really made the difference is the fact that Ghost Rider's hellfire armed him against most of Jonah's gunfire. Jonah wasn't armed at all, and that cost him dearly in this battle."

_Ghost Rider was the clear winner in the simulation, racking up 664 kills, most of it coming from his deadly hellfire._

**Ghost Rider kills: 664  
**M16 Rifle: 160  
Hellfire: 285  
Enchanted Chain: 144  
Penance Stare: 75

_Jonah Hex only claimed 336 kills. His best weapon was the Winchester rifle, but it wasn't enough to destroy Ghost Rider._

**Jonah Hex kills: 336  
**Winchester Rifle: 185  
Dual Colt Revolvers: 115  
Cavalry Saber: 24  
Bowie Knife: 12

"Given the fact that Ghost Rider's got more modern weapons, plus the hellfire that covers his body, I'm not at all surprised that he won this match," says Geoff.

"I'm actually surprised that Ghost Rider won such a high percentage," Dr. Dorian admits. "I guess it boils down to the hellfire—it not only made a nasty weapon, but a great set of armor, too.

"No surprise," Ketch brags. "_Nothing_ can get through hellfire. Jonah Hex didn't stand a chance."

"Perhaps we relied a bit too heavily on firepower instead of close combat…" Ra's admits.

"Jonah Hex is a great hero," Ketch adds. "He's just not in Ghost Rider's league. Sorry…better luck next time, guys…"

We see Ghost Rider revving up his fiery motorcycle before screeching away into the sunset as the show comes to a close.

Chapter 2 is officially finished, and Marvel is now 2-0 against DC. In our next match, we'll venture into the villains' realm, as Juggernaut takes on Gorilla Grodd. See you then!


	3. Chapter 3: Gorilla Grodd vs Juggernaut

***NOTE:**I don't own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel, or DC. If only I did… This story is a work of complete fiction, and none of the characters are real, except the three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for future matches, give me a shout. I take every suggestion I receive into consideration.

All words spoken by the almighty Narrator (AKA David Wenham) are in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Villain: Gorilla Grodd vs. Juggernaut**

As the show begins, we see a massive African lowland gorilla, wearing a strange device on his head. He's beating his chest, screeching and hooting.

_Gorilla Grodd: the super-intelligent simian whose massive intellect has served him well in battles with many a hero._

We see Gorilla Grodd fighting in hand-to-hand combat with the Flash.

We now see an enormous man wearing a red costume. On his head, he wears a red sphere-shaped headgear that covers everything but his eyes and mouth.

_Juggernaut: the unstoppable force of mass that almost brought the X-Men to their knees._

We see Juggernaut plowing through a building in a city as the X-Men try to stop him.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of various weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the villains' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two villains went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Supervillain vs. Supervillain. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST VILLAIN!**_

The title sequence ends, and we find ourselves in the fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle zone located in a realm that warps time and space itself. Here, we've assembled scientists, trauma doctors, and computer and combat experts, and equipped them with some of the deadliest weapons ever used in comic book history. It's all to create a simulated true-to-life battle between two legendary supervillains—Gorilla Grodd,__über-intelligent ape whose telekinetic powers brought many superheroes to their knees, versus Juggernaut, the immovable object of the Marvel universe capable of mowing down anything in his path._

**Gorilla Grodd Stats  
**Real Name: Grodd  
Ht: 6'6"  
Wt: 600 lbs  
Gear: 144 lbs  
Armor: None  
Superpowers: Genius-level I.Q., psionic abilities

**Juggernaut Stats  
**Real Name: Cain Marko  
Ht: 6'10"  
Wt: 900 lbs  
Gear: 45 lbs  
Armor: Indestructible armor, force fields  
Superpowers: Superhuman strength & durability, virtually unstoppable momentum

_Lead scientist Geoff Desmoulin will rig the dummies and equipment used to track the weapons being tested._

"Today, for the first time, _Deadliest Hero_ turns into _Deadliest Villain_," explains Geoff. "We've got these two despicable individuals coming together for the first time, utilizing their strength, intellect, and whatever else they can in order to take the other down. I have a feeling that this one isn't gonna be pretty."

_Los Angeles E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will analyze the damage done by each deadly weapon._

"I'm gonna tell you if these weapons will cause death based on the injuries that I see caused to these targets," says Dr. Dorian.

_Computer whiz Max Geiger will input the data into the simulation program that will determine the winner between the two villains._

"These two massive villains have never met before due to their being from opposite comic book universes," says the computer programmer, "but today, we're going to condense time and space itself inside this computer to determine who would kill the other in a one-on-one fight.

The camera shows an all-too-familiar man wearing an all-red body suit, accentuated with yellow lightning bolts on his temples and a yellow lightning bolt-in-circle pattern on his chest. He's wielding a long sniper rifle.

_Wielding weapons for Gorilla Grodd: longtime archrival, the Flash._

"Grodd is one of the most persistent guys I've ever fought," says Flash. "He's a tough mama-jama, no doubt about it, and I know he's more than tough enough to take out that oversized can of beans, Juggernaut."

We now see a gorilla, about the same size as Grodd. He focuses his mind before launching a blast of mental energy from a psychokinetic device at a target.

_Also wielding Grodd's weapons: fellow super-intelligent gorilla and head of Gorilla City Security, Solovar._

"Grodd is a bloodthirsty, hardened criminal," growls Solovar. "I know that he will not be defeated by the likes of a human—mutant or otherwise."

_Originally, Grodd was nothing more than a normal gorilla, living peacefully with his troop in the Congo. But when an alien spacecraft crashed in their territory, a benevolent extraterrestrial granted the gorillas the power of speech and telekinesis. When humans threatened to discover the ape's jungle city, Grodd overthrew the alien and became leader, and proceeded to kill many humans. Afterwards, Grodd was exiled from Gorilla City, and sought revenge on all primates—gorilla _and _human._

"Grodd is what you humans would call a 'sociopath'," Solovar explains. "His strength lies in his superiority complex, and that is why he is among the most despicable individuals in the DC Universe."

_But our Juggernaut experts believe that Gorilla Grodd is biting off more than he can chew._

We see a muscular man wearing a t-shirt and jeans, and holding what appears to be a sniper rifle.

_Representing Juggernaut: fellow member of the Brotherhood, Avalanche._

"Juggernaut is the epitome of unstoppable," Avalanche brags. "He isn't gonna let some stupid monkey take him down."

We now see a bald man in a motorized wheelchair. He's wielding a sniper rifle as he points it at the camera.

_Also representing Juggernaut: his stepbrother and leader of rival faction the X-Men, "Professor X" Charles Xavier._

"Indeed, Cain was one of the most tenacious enemies my students have ever had to defeat," Charles states. "He is an almost unstoppable individual."

_Cain Marko's early life was fraught with misfortune. But when he and Charles enrolled in the army and were stationed in Korea, Cain found a hidden temple dedicated to an ancient entity known as Cyttorak. After touching a mystic ruby, Marko was endowed with the powers of the Crimson Bands of Cyttorak, making him a "human juggernaut", hence his name. After the temple collapsed with him inside, he was presumed dead. He survived, however, and sought revenge on his stepbrother and anyone associated with him._

"Juggernaut was the most powerful villain Xavier's students ever faced," Avalanche boasts. "Nobody can get past his armor and unstoppable mass."

_But how would this unstoppable tank of a man fare against a super-intelligent adversary bent on eliminating humanity itself?_

"Up front, I'm giving it all to Juggernaut," Desmoulin predicts. "He's impervious to close-combat attacks, and for long distances, he's got superior firepower to take down Grodd."

"I have to give my initial edge to Gorilla Grodd," says Geiger. "Juggernaut is impervious to all physical attacks, but when it comes to mental assault, Grodd has the advantage in that category. I think if he has the right tools, Grodd just might take this battle."

_Both villains have lethal melee fighting skills, but when it comes to long-range, Grodd favors a deadly accurate sniper rifle._

We see Grodd shooting an enemy ape from afar with a long-barreled sniper rifle.

_The __**NTW-20**__: death from a 39-inch barrel._

Everyone is now seen outside, on the barren, sandy firing range. The Flash is holding the NTW-20 as he begins to explain its workings to the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts:

"Guys, I have here the NTW-20 sniper rifle. This is a South African weapon, and it has been used by Grodd in the past to do away with some of his enemies in Gorilla City."

"How does a rifle like this work?" Max asks.

"These are the bullets it uses," says Flash as he pulls out a few good-sized bullets. "standard 20mm caliber shells, and it's good for about 4,000 feet."

"That's not too shabby…" Geoff says, nodding.

A plywood wall with a window is now seen on the firing range, and behind it, a gel torso is being set up by a group of men.

_To test the NTW-20, our team heads outside, where they have set up a test of accuracy for the rifle._

"Okay, Flash—we're gonna see how accurate that rifle really is," Geoff starts to explain. "We're gonna be standing 4,000 feet down from this target, and we want you to hit the guy as accurately as you can. Your target will be dead-center, right between the eyes. Think you can handle it?"

"Piece of cake," Flash says, smirking.

A few minutes later, Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian are standing behind a Plexiglas barrier as a seated Flash takes aim with the NTW-20.

"Ready, Flash?" Desmoulin asks.

"Oh yeah!" Flash says.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Flash fires a bullet from the rifle. A split-second later, a bloody hole appears between the gel torso's eyes, and pieces of gel, blood and brain fly everywhere.

"Whoo!" Geoff whoops.

_Dr. Dorian and the team head to the target to assess the gruesome damage done._

"No need for medical knowledge here," says Dorian as he examines the bullet wound. "This is an instant kill. You can see bits of this guy's brain spilling out where you shot him. This is a quick, efficient sniper weapon."

_Grodd's sniper rifle is undeniably powerful, but Juggernaut's team believes that he has something that combines longer range and accuracy to form a killing combination._

"Yeah, the NTW-20 was good, but it's only good by about three-fourths of a mile," Avalanche grumbles. "We've got something that can literally hit shit from a mile away."

We see Juggernaut bulls-eyeing a target from a building window from a very long distance.

_The __**Barrett M82**__: a recoil-operated rifle guaranteed to bulls-eye a target from over a mile away._

Avalanche and the team are now on the firing range, and Avalanche starts explaining the benefits of the M82:

"Alrighty, fellas—this is the M82 sniper rifle. It's American-made, and has a much longer barrel than the NTW-20. It's got a rotating barrel, and it's recoil-operated."

"So what's the range on _this_ rifle?" Max asks.

"About a mile, mile and a half," Avalanche replies.

"Can you back that up with a shot from that distance?" Geoff asks.

"No problem," Avalanche admits.

The exact same window-and-gel-torso test used for the NTW-20 is set up for Avalanche, except the team is now at a distance of 5,280 feet from the target to test the sniper rifle.

_Can Avalanche accurately take out the target from a mile away?_

"Are you ready?" asks Desmoulin from behind the glass barrier.

"Ready!" Avalanche shouts back.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

Avalanche fires a shot from the rifle, and about a second later, we see a long-range camera shot of a piece of bloody gel, bone and brain matter dislodge from the gel torso's head.

"Holy shit!" Desmoulin exclaims.

_The M82 hits its target dead-center, but is it enough to kill?_

The team is now back at the site of impact as Dr. Dorian assesses the damage.

"No question about it, this guy's dead," the doctor tells us. "When you see brain matter, you're done."

"I'm more impressed with the accuracy of that weapon from so far away," Max says. "A mile away is a hell of a distance to accurately hit something."

_Despite the M82's impressive range, our Grodd experts aren't buying it._

"Please—you shot at half a man who wasn't moving," Flash says, shaking his head. "In real life, Grodd would never let you even make this shot—he'd take you down before you even got to him."

"Not if Juggernaut sees his hairy ass first, buddy," Avalanche retorts.

_But despite the opposing team's disagreement on which rifle is better, for our experts, it's no contest._

"NTW-20 vs. M82?" Desmoulin asks his two comrades. "I have to go with the longer-range weapon. The NTW-20 was good for about 4,000 feet, but the M82 can accurately blow a guy's head off from a mile away. So edge, M82."

"I agree," says Max. "Edge, M82."

_For long-range sniper weapons, the edge goes to Juggernaut's Barrett M82 sniper rifle. With the sniper rifles tested, our teams turn their attention to closer-range firearms. And for Grodd, this weapon is as timeless as it is effective._

We see Grodd mowing down a group of soldiers with a shower of bullets from a very familiar assault rifle.

_The __**AK-47 Assault Rifle**__: a Russian weapon guaranteed to cut the enemy to ribbons._

The Flash, Solovar and the _Deadliest Warrior _guys are now outside again. Flash is holding an AK in his hands and begins to explain how it works:

"This is the quintessential "bad guy's weapon"—the tried-and-true AK-47. This is one of Grodd's most-used firearms—it's pretty quick to reload, it doesn't misfire too often, and it can fire off about 600 rounds per minute."

"We've tested the AK before, and there's no question that it's lethal and long-reaching," says Desmoulin. "But what I want to see is this thing get past Juggernaut's armor. Think you can handle it?"

"Bring it on, dude," says the Flash.

The team is seen outside again, setting up a foam torso wearing a red helmet and armor similar to Juggernaut's. Flash stands about twenty feet away from the torso with the AK.

_Will the AK-47 be able to penetrate Juggernaut's armor?_

"Flash, are you ready?" Geoff asks from a distance.

"Ready!" Flash shouts back.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's signal, Flash fires a spray of bullets from the AK. The vast majority of them are deflected by the armor, but a few well-placed shots make their way into the eyeholes and mouth slot of the foam torso's helmet. After Flash unloads all the bullets in the gun, a stream of blood is seen dripping through the holes onto the armor itself. Geoff and Max whoop as the bullets hit the poor, unfortunate foam target.

_The AK found its way through the cracks in Juggernaut's helmet, proving its effectiveness. But is it enough to kill?_

"Well, this is an effective weapon, no question," Geoff admits.

"No question," Dr. Dorian agrees. "If you can get those bullets in these holes like this, or if Grodd can get Juggernaut's helmet off, he's dead meat."

_Despite the AK's power, Team Juggernaut isn't worried._

"Puh…Juggernaut's been shot at before," says Avalanche. "It didn't stop him then, and it's not gonna stop him _now_."

"Hey, the proof is in the pudding," says Flash, gesturing toward the torso. "Dead Juggernaut, right there."

"Hey, even if this weapon hits Juggernaut in the eyes or the mouth, he's gonna keep on comin' at'cha," Avalanche retorts. "Two words, dude—'unstoppable momentum'."

_And Juggernaut has his own powerful weapon that his team believes can outshoot the AK._

We now see Juggernaut firing a volley of bullets from a pump-action shotgun.

_The __**Benelli M4 shotgun**__: an Italian-made weapon guaranteed to butcher an opponent from up to 40 yards away._

Xavier, Max and Geoff are outside on the firing range as Avalanche starts to explain the benefits of the Benelli over the AK:

"Gentlemen, this is the Benelli M4. It is a gas-powered semi-automatic gun, accurate to a range of about 100 feet. The U.S. Army uses these, and since many of the Brotherhood have confiscated weapons from the U.S. government, this weapon could indeed be accessible to Juggernaut."

"Well, to see how this thing stacks up against the AK-47, we need to put it to the test," says Desmoulin. "Are you up to the challenge?"

"I'll see what I can do," says the wheelchair-bound hero, nodding.

The team is now seen setting up a group of four gel torsos set against white backdrops, at increasing intervals of distance.

_Charles' target is a series of gel torsos, with the same mass and consistency as human flesh and bone._

"Alright, Professor, you've got six bullets to take out four targets!" Geoff shouts. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I am!" the Professor replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Charles pumps the shotgun and fires at the gel torso closest to him, completely annihilating the torso's head. He pumps the gun again, and fires at the next closest torso, producing similar results. He fires the gun at the third target, not hitting the face, but causing a massive wound in the chest. He fires at the last target, but it's too far out for him to hit. Undeterred, Charles fires his last two bullets at the first target he hit, hitting the chest with the first and blowing the head completely off with his last bullet. Geoff and Max whoop and cheer at the damage done.

_The carnage caused by the Benelli is staggering._

Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage. "Okay, for this first guy, there's no need for analysis—you've blown the head clean off. This is an instant kill. The second guy you shot in the head as well—this is also a kill. The third guy, you shot him in the chest, right in the side of the heart. He's down and out in about five seconds. It doesn't look like you could shoot far enough to hit that last guy, but three out of four kills isn't bad at all."

"Well, this gun isn't built for hitting far," Xavier admits. "It's built for consistent, accurate shots with deadly results."

_AK-47 or Benelli M4—which weapon will take the edge?_

"In the case of AK vs. Benelli, I have to go with the weapon that can put more bullets in its targets in a faster amount of time," Max explains. "So I'm giving my edge to the AK."

"The more bullets Grodd can fire, the better chance he has of hitting Juggernaut in one of the few vulnerable places he has," says Geoff. "So edge, AK."

_For long-range weapons, Gorilla Grodd gets the edge for the AK-47. But the testing is far from over—our experts still need to review the villains' signature superpowers. And for Grodd, this was the very power imbued to him by the visiting alien those many years ago._

We see a montage of Grodd blasting enemies away with psionic blasts, controlling enemies' minds with hypnotic powers, and slamming enemies around with telekinesis.

_Grodd's __**Telekinetic powers**__: capable of controlling minds, moving objects, or producing deadly blasts._

Solovar and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are watching a film that shows Grodd using his mental powers.

"Grodd was endowed with the most power in his telepathic abilities than any gorilla affected by the Great Landing," Solovar explains.

"Now, why _was_ that?" Desmoulin curiously asks.

"No one knows for sure," admits Solovar, "but he has used these powers to his advantage many times in the past, and has even thwarted the police force in Gorilla City numerous times."

Solovar is now standing in front of a ballistics gel torso as the _Deadliest Warrior_ team looks on a few feet away. Solovar is wearing a futuristic-looking device on his head.

_To produce effects similar to Grodd's own powers, Solovar wears a psychokinetic device that will amplify his brainwaves._

"Solovar, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

Solovar hoots and screeches as a response.

"Three, two, one—ZAP IT!"

Solovar focuses his mind, and a few seconds later, a blast of reddish-purple energy flies out of a small opening in the front of the device. It hits the gel torso in the head, producing a massive hole where the face used to be.

"YEAH!" Geoff shouts.

"Holy moly…" Max adds.

_The results of the test speak for themselves._

"I think it goes without saying that Grodd doesn't have to match strength with Juggernaut to kill him," Geiger admits.

"Plus, Juggernaut's only protected from physical assault," Desmoulin adds. "He can't defend against mental attacks."

"If Grodd can get past or remove Juggernaut's helmet, that's game over," Max says.

_Despite the power of the telekinesis, our Juggernaut experts aren't worried._

Cain also sometimes wears a metal cap under his helmet to protect him from mental assault," Xavier admits. "He's often been one step ahead of us whenever we fought him."

_When it comes to matching wits, Juggernaut prefers brute force over brainpower any day._

We see a montage of Juggernaut grappling with several heroes, punching several more heroes, and picking some up and throwing them like toys.

_Juggernaut's __**Super strength**__: unmatchable power from an unstoppable force of mass._

Xavier, Avalanche and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are now standing in front of a monitor, which is playing various clips of Juggernaut utilizing his incredible strength.

"Upon discovering the temple of Cyttorak, Cain was endowed with not only irresistible mass, but incredible strength," Xavier tells the _DW_ hosts.

"Juggernaut weighs about 900 pounds, and he can lift almost ten thousand times his own weight," Avalanche says. "There have been instances of him picking buildings up out of the ground and throwing them as projectiles."

"I…don't think we have anything strong enough to lift a _building_, but we'll see what we can do," Geoff confesses.

The team is now outside, and a large black weight marked "5,000 lbs" is seen half-buried in the dirt. Avalanche is seen in front of it, and Geoff fits him with a pair of metallic gauntlets hooked up to a computer.

_The target will be a 5,000-pound weight that Avalanche will try to destroy. Avalanche isn't nearly as strong as Juggernaut, so he wears a pair of robotic gloves that will enhance his strength._

"Avalanche, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"I'm ready!" replies Avalanche.

"Three, two, one—THROW IT!"

On "go", Avalanche struggles to lift the weight with the robotic gloves. He picks it up, and throws it a distance of about twenty-five feet.

"Impressive…" Desmoulin admits.

"Sure is," adds Geiger. "Just imagine that weight was a 40-ton building, coming straight at Grodd. If he can't use his telepathy to move it, he is a dead gorilla."

_Despite the show of strength, Team Grodd isn't that impressed._

"Yeah, you lifted something and used it as a throwing tool," says the Flash. "Oldest trick in the book, man—I'm disappointed."

"Perhaps you need another demonstration," says Xavier before turning back to his fellow Juggernaut expert. "Avalanche?"

Avalanche punches the weight with his still-robotically-cloaked fist, leaving a big spider web-pattern of cracks in the iron weight.

_Telekinesis or super strength: which power will give our villains a killing edge?_

"In the case of Psionic Powers vs. Super Strength, it's Super Strength, all the way," Geoff tells Max and Dr. Dorian. "A projectile the size of a building coming straight at you—the odds of surviving something like that are pretty low."

"Sorry, dude—Grodd's telekinetic powers have my edge," Max replies. "He can hit from a longer range with them, and they have the added bonus of being able to infiltrate Juggernaut's helmet and armor and cause massive damage."

"I agree with Max," Dr. Dorian adds. "Anything that can get inside armor gets my vote. Sorry, Geoff—edge goes to Grodd in this one."

_In the category of mid-range weapons, the edge goes to Gorilla Grodd for his telepathic powers. But telepathy isn't Grodd's only weapon of choice—in close, he has a pair of deadly weapons that are _au naturale.

We see Grodd punching a hunter in the face, leaving blood trickling down the man's cheeks.

_Grodd's own __**Fists**__: the ultimate equalizers._

The team is now inside, and Solovar is telling the _Deadliest Warrior _guys about the close-combat weapon of choice for Grodd and most other gorillas:

"Hand-to-hand combat is how most of us gorillas solve simple spats. You humans would call it "fisticuffs", I believe."

"Well, flat-fisted punches aren't that powerful unless they're backed up by something," Geoff says, recalling some previous tests from _Deadliest Warrior_.

"Yes, but humans do not weigh 600 pounds," Solovar points out.

"Good point," admits Desmoulin.

A side of beef is now seen hanging from the ceiling, and Solovar is standing in front of it. Geoff is also strapping a device to each of Solovar's hands.

_To test how powerful a gorilla's punches really are, our team sets up a target for Solovar to take aim at. A sensor attached to Solovar's hands will measure the impact of each hit._

"Are you ready, Solovar?" Desmoulin asks.

Solovar hoots and screeches in response.

"Three, two, one—PUNCH HIM OUT!"

Solovar begins punching the meat with his massive fists. The side of beef takes a massive amount of damage, and after ten seconds of punching, the meat looks vastly different.

"Nice…" Max says, staring at the damage done.

"According to these readings, Solovar, you hit that beef with about 135 pounds of pressure per square inch," explains Geoff.

_Solovar's punches are over twice as powerful as a professional boxer's. But while the gorilla's fists are undeniably lethal, our Juggernaut experts believe the armor-clad villain has something better._

"I'll admit—Grodd can do a number with just his bare hands," Avalanche confesses. "But Juggernaut has some added power behind his punches."

We see Juggernaut punching out a man with a pair of red brass knuckles.

_**Brass knuckles**__: a custom-made piece of hardware that can shatter a man's jaw._

Avalanche and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are now standing in front of a table as Avalanche begins to analyze the massive red weapon:

"These brass knuckles were custom-made for Juggernaut. We call 'em "brass knuckles", but they're not exactly made of brass—they're titanium, painted red to match Juggernaut's suit."

"What I'm seeing here is a good tool to break somebody's jaw with, _not_ to kill," Geiger admits. "Convince me."

"With pleasure," Avalanche growls.

Avalanche, wearing Juggernaut's knuckles on both hands, is now standing in front of a set of cow ribs suspended from both the ceiling, but also attacked to the floor with strong rope to steady the ribs.

_To test the knuckles, our team sets up a target for Avalanche to annihilate—a set of cow ribs, stabilized to absorb impact._

"Are you ready, Avalanche?" Geoff asks.

"Oh yeah!" Avalanche shouts.

"Three, two, one—CRACK SOME RIBS!"

On Geoff's word, Avalanche begins smashing the ribs with the knuckles. The first punch only cracks two ribs, but the second punch puts a distinct spider-web pattern of cracks on one of the ribs. By the time the third punch hits, at least two ribs are broken. Avalanche continues wailing away on the ribs for a few more seconds, and when he stops, several ribs are chipped or cracked, and many are completely broken in half.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Desmoulin shouts approvingly.

_It took several strikes to crack the ribs, but the punching power is more than double that of Grodd's bare-fisted punches._

As the damage is assessed, Avalanche clutches his fists in pain.

"Ooh, mama—that has got to hurt," says Max as he walks up to Avalanche.

"Pain is an illusion," hisses Avalanche as he looks at his knuckles. "An illusion that really, _really_ hurts!"

_But which close-range punching weapon gets the edge?_

"I don't like the fact that it took the brass knuckles several punches to get through that bone," admits Geoff. "However, unlike the gorilla fists, it's an actual weapon, and it has the potential to hit harder than Grodd's fists."

"Plus," Max begins, "there's the fact that Juggernaut's bigger than Grodd, and a punch from him is likely to pack more power than a flat-fisted punch from Grodd. Edge, Juggernaut.

_For close-range weapons, the edge goes to Juggernaut's brass knuckles. But there's still one more category to test—the category of special weapons. And Grodd has a horrifying ace in the hole to use against his enemies._

We see Grodd throwing the switch on a large contraption. The camera cuts to a group of people walking around outside, and a second later, they have all turned into gorillas.

_The __**E-ray**__: capable of regressing a human to gorilla form—or worse._

The Flash, Solovar and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are now outside on the firing range, and the same massive contraption is seen beside them.

"Whoa-ho-ho," says Geoff as he stares in awe at the giant machine. "What is _this_?

"This could well be the most evil thing Grodd has brought upon the face of this earth," explains Solovar. "This, my human friend, is the E-ray. It is capable of de-evolving a human being into a simian of the user's choice."

"This has got to be one of the most frightening weapons we've ever had on this show," confesses Max. "I don't even think we can test something of this magnitude."

Solovar is now seen with a small, stun-gun-like device. Geoff helps him aim it as Max and Dr. Dorian lead a ninja onto an area of the firing range.

_Due to the dangers of testing the massive E-ray, Geoff and Solovar have condensed the E-ray's powers into a portable form—a small, handheld version of it._

"Solovar, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

Again, Solovar grunts and hoots.

"Three, two, one—MAKE A MONKEY OUT OF HIM!"

On Geoff's signal, Solovar fires the portable E-ray at the ninja. As it hits the ninja, he convulses in pain, and within seconds, his costume falls around him as he begins to shrink. Hair grows all over his body, and his bones shift and rearrange themselves. When the transformation is complete, a small chimpanzee sits where the ninja was before. Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian all stare in awe at what has just transpired.

"Wow…" Geoff simply states.

_The E-ray completely incapacitates the trained ninja._

"I think, uh…I think you've proved yourself, man," Max laughs. "This will incapacitate a charging Juggernaut, no question."

"I'm a little scared of this weapon, dude…" Geoff admits.

"You can now see why Grodd is one of the most wanted individuals in both Gorilla City _and_ almost every one of your human cities," Solovar states. He takes the portable E-ray, flips a switch on it, and fires it at the ninja-chimp again. Within a few seconds, the ninja is back to his normal self.

_Despite the E-ray's frightening potential, our Juggernaut experts believe that the unstoppable villain has something that can stop it._

We now see Juggernaut throwing up a wall of light, blocking an oncoming missile blast from a military base.

_Juggernaut's __**Force fields**__: a tool for blocking oncoming assaults._

Xavier and the guys are now outside again, and Xavier shows the team a small remote control.

"One of Cain's major assets is his ability to create impenetrable force fields," Xavier explains. "Said force fields can block up to 400,000 pounds of impact. That's more than enough to halt an approaching tank."

"As if that unstoppable armor isn't enough…" Geiger observes, rolling his eyes.

The team now stands behind a protective barrier outside as Xavier prepares to demonstrate a homemade force field generator. About 100 yards away, an army tank is waiting.

_To simulate Juggernaut's force fields, the Professor wields a device that will produce similar results._

"Professor, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yes, sir!" Charles replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE UP THE TANK!"

On Geoff's signal, the tank begins rolling toward Charles. When the tank gets about thirty yards away, he presses a button on the remote, and a large, transparent force field appears around the vicinity of Charles' wheelchair. The tank keeps coming, but when it makes contact with the force field, it stops dead in its tracks. The tank treads continue rolling and throwing up dirt, but it's no use. The tank is shut off, and the damage is assessed.

_The force field proves its potential to be a game-changer._

"Well, it looks like this force field did its job," Desmoulin admits.

"Grodd's gonna have a pretty hard time inflicting damage if he can't get through this thing," Geiger says.

"Indeed—a force field can even stop Grodd's mental assaults, as well as that despicable E-ray," states Xavier.

_The force fields are impressive, but for our experts, it's a unanimous decision._

"I've gotta go with Grodd's E-ray, Geoff tells Max. "It has longer reach, and Juggernaut may not be able to see it in time to throw up a force field."

"No question about it," agrees Geiger. "E-ray, hands down."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Gorilla Grodd for the E-ray._

A montage of a few of the weapons that have been tested in the show is seen.

_With the testing now complete, Max now loads all the data that has been gathered into a state-of-the-art computer program developed by Slitherine Studios that will determine the winner._

**Long-range sniper weapons edge: Juggernaut's Barrett M82  
****Long-range weapons edge: Gorilla Grodd's AK-47  
****Mid-range weapons edge: Gorilla Grodd's Telepathic Powers  
****Close-range weapons edge: Juggernaut's Brass Knuckles  
****Special weapons edge: Gorilla Grodd's E-Ray**

_To keep the fight from being won by a single lucky shot, Max will simulate it one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: brains…_

We see Gorilla Grodd dodging an assault of punches from an attacker before punching them himself.

_Versus brawn._

We see Juggernaut picking up an average-sized man and throwing him like a rag doll.

_Irresistible force…_

We see Grodd hypnotizing a group of people with his telepathic powers.

_Versus immovable object._

We see Juggernaut pushing back an advancing army tank.

"Well, we've got just about all the information we need," says Max to Geoff and Dr. Dorian, who are leaning on the table beside him. "Let's fire it up and see what happens."

"I'd love to see the results," Desmoulin admits.

"Let's lock and load, then," says Max. He presses a button on the computer, and the screen goes all "Matrix-like" with black-and-green binary code. Several seconds later, the battle begins.

**The Battle**

The fight takes place at midday, amidst an abandoned building in the jungles of the Congo. Gorilla Grodd is seen on the roof, making adjustments to his giant E-ray which he has built on the roof of the small building. He is just about to throw the switch on the machine when he hears a loud crashing sound on the ground nearby. He turns in the direction of the noise, and sees Juggernaut slowly making his way through the jungle toward Grodd's hideout, mowing down trees and shrubs along the way. As Juggernaut reaches the open gate of the chain-link fence surrounding the building, Grodd glares at him, raises his NTW-20 sniper rifle, and fires. The bullet bounces off Juggernaut's body, but he looks up and notices Grodd on the top of the building and sneers. Juggernaut retrieves his Barrett M82 sniper rifle, and aims at Grodd's head. He pulls the trigger, but Grodd moves at the last second, and takes a bullet in his shoulder instead. Flinching in pain, Grodd pulls out his AK-47, and agilely leaps off the roof of the one-story building before he starts charging toward Juggernaut. Juggernaut shoots another bullet from his M82, missing his simian target completely. Grodd sprays a volley of bullets from his AK; most of the bullets don't affect the massive Juggernaut, but one hits him in the hand, causing him to drop his M82. Juggernaut rushes at Grodd, and the two lock up in a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. As the two inch their way toward the building, Juggernaut gains the upper hand, forcing Grodd down to his knees. Juggernaut kicks Grodd, knocking him into the side of the building. Juggernaut crouches down and tries to punch the fallen Grodd, but Grodd rolls out of the way just in time, and Juggernaut ends up punching a massive hole in the side of the building. Grodd fires a blast of telekinetic energy at Juggernaut, knocking him backwards. Juggernaut staggers to his feet as he retrieves his Benelli M4, pumps it, and fires a single bullet, hitting Grodd in the leg. Grodd howls in pain as Juggernaut charges at him. Grodd ducks one of Juggernaut's punches, but another punch catches him in the side of the face, causing him to reel backwards in pain. Juggernaut puts on brass knuckles, and Grodd beats his chest with his fists, ready to do battle in close. Grodd swings at Juggernaut, catching him in the temple, but Juggernaut punches the super-intelligent gorilla in the nose with the knuckles, sending a trickle of blood down it. Grodd pushes Juggernaut back, and in the process, knocks Juggernaut's helmet off. Juggernaut scrambles to get his helmet back, but Grodd picks it up telekinetically and throws it up into a large tree, out of Juggernaut's reach. Grodd knocks down Juggernaut with another blast of energy, and then heads inside the building. The massive Juggernaut, now helmetless and in serious pain, follows Grodd into the building. Grodd picks up his NTW-20 and fires his sniper rifle's last bullet, but Juggernaut throws up a force field at the last second, blocking the bullet. As Juggernaut advances toward Grodd, still armed with the force field, Grodd retreats up the stairs of the building. Juggernaut follows, wielding his brass knuckles and intent on killing his gorilla adversary. Grodd fires bullets from his AK as the two villains continue up the stairs, but Juggernaut's force field blocks them all. Grodd emerges on the roof of the building, where his E-ray is waiting. As Juggernaut races toward Grodd, ready to mangle him, Grodd flips the switch on his E-ray. A wave of colored energy fills the area, and Juggernaut begins to transform before our very eyes. His armor shrinks around him, and within a few seconds, he is not human anymore—where the massive Juggernaut once stood now crouches a small chimpanzee surrounded by oversized armor. Enraged, the incapacitated Juggernaut tries to charge at Grodd, but Grodd easily kicks the smaller chimp to the floor of the roof. Grodd retrieves his AK, makes his way to the incapacitated Jugger-Chimp, and fires a single bullet at point-blank range between Jugger-Chimp's eyes, killing him instantly. As Jugger-Chimp slumps back, Grodd roars in triumph.

**Winner: Gorilla Grodd**

Geiger: Out of the course of a thousand battles, Gorilla Grodd was victorious 54.8% of the time. Grodd won because his psionic powers were able to penetrate Juggernaut's armor, and stop the massive villain. Grodd's E-ray may not have netted him any kills on its own, but it was important due to the fact that it gave him a distinct edge over Juggernaut, enabling him to overpower the incapacitated giant.

_In one of the closest matches yet, Gorilla Grodd won 548 out of 1000 battles, with over half of his kills coming from his telepathic powers._

**Gorilla Grodd kills: 548  
**NTW-20: 92  
AK-47: 101  
Telepathic Powers: 354  
Fists: 1  
E-Ray: 0

_Juggernaut came very close with 452 kills. His best weapon was his incredible strength, but even it wasn't enough._

**Juggernaut kills: 452  
**Barrett M82: 107  
Benelli M4: 34  
Super Strength: 310  
Brass Knuckles: 1  
Force Fields: 0

"I've got to hand it to Grodd—maybe I didn't give him enough credit," Geoff admits. "But those telekinetic powers of his were able to slip past Juggernaut's armor and destroy his adversary."

"I didn't think it was possible, but we might have a villain that can match up to the supposedly-unstoppable Juggernaut," says Dr. Dorian. "Kudos to Grodd—he truly is a force to be reckoned with."

"This is bullshit," says Avalanche angrily. "That computer is bullshit. No way could Juggernaut lose to some stupid ape!"

"Well, I must say that I am surprised," says Xavier matter-of-factly. "Cain should beware of Grodd if the two ever met up face-to-face."

"I gotta admit; I wouldn't want to face off against Juggernaut," says Flash. "But that bastard Grodd has what it takes to get the job done against the guy."

"There was never a doubt," says Solovar. "Grodd is a despicable individual, but he has the technique to stop this...'unstoppable' Juggernaut."

We see Grodd standing on top of the roof of the building, next to his E-ray. He extends his massive arms and roars as the show comes to a close.

As we close the book on Chapter 3, DC finally chalks up a victory. In our next match-up, we dedicate one to the ladies—two femme fatales of opposite universes clash, as Black Cat faces off against Catwoman. Until next time!


	4. Chapter 4: Black Cat vs Catwoman

Sorry about the inactivity-my laptop literally bit the dust, and I was temporarily out of a computer. Luckily, my aunt had an old Gateway she said I could have, and it works impeccably. Good thing I had most of my Word files saved on a flash drive! But enough small talk...ON WITH THE FIGHT!

***NOTE: **I don't own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel, or DC. If only I did… This story is a complete, utter, and absolute work of fiction, and none of the characters are real, except for the three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for future matches, give me a shout. I will take every suggestion I receive into consideration.

All statements by the Narrator (AKA the awesome David Wenham) are in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Hero: Black Cat vs. Catwoman**

As the show begins, we see a lovely young woman with nearly-white platinum-blonde hair wearing a very revealing black body suit trimmed with white fur. She blows a kiss at the camera.

_Black Cat: super-agile cat burglar and ally of Spider-Man._

We see Black Cat scaling a wall on the side of a tall building and climbing into an open window.

We now see another slightly older woman in an all-black latex body suit and a mask complete with cat's ears. She wields a large whip as she glares at the camera.

_Catwoman: stealthily silent anti-heroine of Gotham City._

We see Catwoman hanging from a ceiling tether, hungrily looking over a large museum-displayed jewel.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of various weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST HERO!**_

As the title sequence ends, we see several shots of the fight club, with several people walking to and fro and testing numerous weapons.

_Welcome to the fight club, a futuristically advanced battle zone between dimensions, where comic book worlds collide. Here, we've gathered scientists, doctors, superheroes, and a weapons arsenal like no other. It's all to create a true-to-life battle between two of the most legendary femme fatales in comic history: Black Cat, the seductive siren and former love interest of Spider-Man, versus Catwoman, the viciously remorseless cat burglar of Gotham City who has been both an adversary and a partner-in-crime of the Dark Knight himself._

**Black Cat Stats  
**Real name: Felicia Hardy  
Ht: 5'10"  
Wt: 120 lbs  
Gear: 3 lbs  
Superpowers: Enhanced strength, speed and agility

**Catwoman Stats  
**Real name: Selina Kyle  
Ht: 5'7"  
Wt: 128 lbs  
Gear: 4 lbs  
Superpowers: None

_Lead scientist Geoff Desmoulin will track the results of the weapons testing._

"Today, for the first time, we've got female warriors battling one another," says Desmoulin. "But don't be thinking this'll be a genteel little spat—this one is gonna be an all-out catfight, no pun intended."

_E.R. physician Armand Dorian will examine the damage done by each weapon._

"I'm not looking for little cuts and scrapes," the doctor states. "I'm looking for how deep a weapon goes, will it hit any vital structures, and is it going to cause death."

_Computer wiz Max Geiger will input the data into a simulation program that will determine the winner between the two heroines.*_

"While these two heroines are extremely similar, they've never met in one-on-one combat," Geiger tells the viewers. "But today, we're going to do something about that, as they'll meet for the first time inside this computer."

We see a pretty auburn-haired woman wearing an all-white outfit and a katana at her side. She's wielding a pistol, and points the gun at the camera.

_Testing weapons for Black Cat will be Colleen Wing: a former colleague of Black Cat and one of her best friends._

"Black Cat is ruthless," says Colleen. "She won't take no for an answer. She will fight and claw her way out of any predicament that she's in, and she will come out on top no matter the circumstances."

We now see an African-American woman with a frizzy afro, wearing large gold hoop earrings and a red uniform. She's holding a pair of small grappling hooks in her hands.

_Also testing Black Cat's weapons: Misty Knight. Misty worked with Black Cat in the group known as Heroes for Hire for several years, and knows Black Cat's fighting styles firsthand._

"Felicia is the best in the world at what she does, which is causin' havoc," Misty states. "Ain't nobody can hold a candle to my girl 'Leesh."

_The son of one of the most famous cat burglars ever, Felicia Hardy had a sheltered childhood. When she was a freshman in college, however, she was raped by her boyfriend, prompting her to learn martial arts and weapons handling to protect herself from another such altercation. When her boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver, Felicia began to devote her life to thievery, adopting the name "Black Cat" and aligning herself with master inventor, The Tinkerer. She has since turned her life around, and has been both a partner and a love interest of the web-slinging hero, Spider-Man._

"'Leesh ain't just somebody who put on a cat suit and decided to go steal some valuables," Misty explains. "She's a professional."

_But our Catwoman experts won't give in easily._

We see a young red-haired girl in a bat-themed costume and mask wielding a small pistol.

_Wielding the weapons for Catwoman: Batgirl. This comrade of the Dark Knight has fought beside and opposite Catwoman, and knows the ways of the feline femme fatale firsthand._

"Catwoman is a vicious individual," Batgirl tells us. "We're talking about a woman who will stop at nothing to get what she wants, and nine times out of ten, what she wants is valuables."

We now see a red-haired woman with slightly greenish skin, wearing an outfit reminiscent of plant leaves. She's holding a pair of whips, one of them with multiple ends on it.

_Rounding out Catwoman's team: Poison Ivy. In Catwoman's criminal days, she crossed paths with Ivy on several occasions, so Ivy knows Catwoman's fighting styles._

"Catwoman is one of the most violent individuals in Gotham," Ivy boasts. "No one can wield a whip or a pistol like that bad cat. I only wish she hadn't gone soft…"

_While some of the details of Selina Kyle's early life are quite convoluted, we do know that she had a very troubled relationship with a former boyfriend. After so long, she broke out on her own, and turned to burglary to support herself. After meeting up with Batman, she decided to don a costume reminiscent of his, only this one was inspired by a different animal—the stealthy cat. Since then, she's been an active part of Batman's life, both as a villain and an object of affection._

"Catwoman would wipe the floor with Black Cat," Batgirl predicts. "She's smarter, faster, and a lot more ruthless."

_So how would these two eerily similar ladies, who have never met up in battle before, fare against one another?_

"Up front, I have to give the edge to Catwoman," says Desmoulin. "She's got far superior short-range weapons, and she's a lot nastier than Black Cat."

"If I've learned anything on this show, it's that you can't underestimate people," Dr. Dorian admits. "Black Cat's suit grants her incredible powers, while Catwoman's suit does absolutely nothing but look damn sexy. I think Black Cat might actually win this one."

_Both ladies are equally proficient in close combat, but they both also wield wicked surprises._

We see Black Cat throwing a projectile behind a wall, and ducking down and shutting her eyes as a bright flash of light fills the area.

_Like the __**Flash Grenade**__: a blinding flash of light that can be held in the palm of the hand._

Misty, Colleen and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are outside on the firing range. Misty is holding the flash grenade in her hand as Colleen explains how it works.

"This is a standard FP-220 flash grenade," says Colleen. "How it works is there's a bunch of diodes embedded in the grenade, and when it goes off, all the cells in the eye are activated at once, and anyone around is temporarily blinded."

"How long are they blind?" Geiger asks.

"'Bout five or ten seconds," Misty replies. "Nothin' serious, just enough for someone to get in, whoop up on somethin', and get out."

"Well, we obviously can't test blindness on a dummy, so it's time to bring in the living targets for this one," Geoff says, smiling.

We now see the poor ninja we've come to know and love being directed into a small room. Everyone besides him puts on sunglasses.

_The target will be a trained ninja, who will act as the guinea pig for this test._

"Misty, are you ready?" Geoff shouts.

"Ready!" Misty replies as she lifts the grenade with one hand and adjusts her sunglasses with the other.

"Three, two, one—LOB IT!"

Misty throws the flash grenade inside the four-sided chamber with the ninja. The ninja covers his ears, and a blinding flash of light fills the area. When the light ebbs away, the ninja is seen flailing around, his eyes apparently not working properly.

"Whoa-ho-ho!" Desmoulin says.

"Blinded by the light!" Geiger says, watching the ninja walk around blinded.

_The flash grenade causes disorientation, but not death._

Everyone now takes off their sunglasses and heads inside the collapsible chamber to check on the ninja.

"I certainly buy this as a game-changer, but it doesn't look like it's enough to cause death," says Geiger.

"Nope, looks like our man Yoshi's relatively clean…" says Geoff as he examines the ninja. The ninja then stands up and gives everyone a thumbs-up signal.

_But our Catwoman team is unimpressed._

"Yes, the flash grenade is effective," Batgirl admits. "But it just obscures vision—we have a tool that can not only obscure vision, but can kill."

_Catwoman also carries an explosive that can disorient and confuse._

We see Catwoman throwing a small, round bomb around a corner. A few seconds later, a huge cloud of smoke erupts. Catwoman puts on a gas mask and rounds the corner, ready to go in for the kill.

_The __**Smoke Bomb**__: a tiny smokescreen you can hold in the palm of your hand._

Batgirl, Poison Ivy and the _Deadliest Warrior_ guys are back on the firing range as Batgirl starts explaining the smoke bomb's benefits:

"This is the smoke bomb. There's incendiary powder inside, and when it hits the air, the smoke comes pouring out and blinds the enemy."

"So how does this stack up to the flash grenade?" Geiger asks.

"The flash grenade only blinds an enemy," Ivy explains. "With this, you're also causing damage to a person's lungs, nose and mouth when they inhale the smoke."

"She brings up a very good point, guys," Dr. Dorian interjects. "The carbon monoxide from the smoke would cause a huge amount of damage to a person's body, and can possibly kill."

"Well, we know the extent of the damage the smoke could do, but let's see just how much spreading power this grenade possesses," says Geoff.

Batgirl is now standing outside a small setup of four plywood "walls", one with a glass window in it.

_Batgirl will use the smoke bomb to flush out a team of ninjas hidden inside this small chamber._

"Batgirl, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yes, I'm ready!" says Batgirl as she holds the grenade in her hand.

"Three, two, one—SMOKE 'EM OUT!"

On Geoff's word, Batgirl pulls the pin on the smoke bomb, throws it through the window into the "house", and runs. A few seconds later, a puff of smoke can be seen billowing out of the window. Soon, a ninja somersaults through the window, and two others follow suit.

_The smoke bomb flushes out the ninjas, but our Black Cat team isn't buying it._

"Sure, this can blind somebody, but 'Leesh usually has night vision goggles," Misty argues. "So either way, she can see through the smoke."

"She may be able to see through it, but she's not immune to the lung-wrenching power that this weapon possesses," Ivy retorts. "So it's still an effective weapon."

_Both weapons prove to be effective distraction tools, but which one will give its user more of an edge in battle?_

"In the case of Flash Grenade vs. Smoke Bomb, I have to go with the smoke bomb," says Dr. Dorian to Max and Geoff. "Simple blindness vs. potentially fatal smoke inhalation—that smoke bomb has the power to kill if enough smoke gets in your system."

"I have to disagree," says Geoff. "It takes a while for the smoke bomb to release its contents. With the flash grenade, you've got almost instant gratification."

"I can see both of your points," Max appeases. "I'm gonna let the computer decide."

_Max loads the results of the tests into the computer. It's a close call, but the edge goes to Black Cat for the flash grenade. But now, it's time to test the weapons that can actually kill. And for Black Cat, nothing kills better than true long-distance firepower._

Black Cat is seen firing bullets from a large black pistol, striking several people as she makes her getaway with a cache of jewels.

_The __**Beretta Pistol**__: twelve rounds of pure firepower._

"The Beretta 92 pistol," says Colleen as she shows the weapon to the three hosts. "This is standard use by the U.S. military—you've got twelve shots, and the gun can accurately hit a moving target from several yards away."

"How is this relevant to Black Cat's arsenal?" Geiger asks.

"'Leesh loves hand-to-hand combat as much as the next person," explains Misty, "but sometimes, she's gotta have somethin' that can kill from a distance."

Colleen is now seen in front of a plywood wall, where five foam torsos filled with blood have been placed.

_To test the killing power of the Beretta, our team has set up five targets. Colleen will have five seconds to take them all out._

"Colleen, are you ready?" asks Geoff.

"Yeah!" Colleen replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

When Geoff gives the signal, Colleen begins unleashing hell with the Beretta. She quickly delivers a shot to all five targets, and still has time to shoot three more shots before time runs out.

"TIME!" calls Geoff, and Colleen puts down the pistol. "Let's see how you did…"

_The Beretta is certainly quick, but how much damage did it do?_

Dr. Dorian and the rest of the team step in to assess the damage done by the Beretta, looking over the foam torsos, most of which have a bloody hole in them.

"Okay, let's start with this guy," says Dr. Dorian as he starts to examine the mannequins. "You've shot him in the chest, perfectly placed under the subclavian artery—this is a kill. This next guy, you've shot him in the neck, in the jugular, he's down and dead in about five seconds. Guy number three and four, these are two shots to the chest; these would both hit lungs and possibly nick the heart, causing death. And this guy—shot to the gut, plus one to the face. These two in combination would kill."

"So five out of five instant kills," Desmoulin summarizes. "Very impressive, Colleen."

"Thank you very much," says Colleen.

_But despite the Beretta's quickness and accuracy, Team Catwoman isn't buying it._

"While I'll admit the Beretta's accuracy is quite impressive, it's a large pistol," Ivy observes. "Catwoman is sure to see the Beretta before Black Cat can even shoot it, and will jump out of the way before she takes any damage."

_And Catwoman has her own firearm that her team believes is more powerful than the Beretta._

We see Catwoman firing a small pistol at a police officer before making her escape with a bag of loot.

_The __**Glock 19 Pistol**__: an Austrian-made firearm capable of dealing massive damage._

"This is the Glock 19," Batgirl says as she explains the workings of the pistol to the _DW_ guys. "It holds ten rounds, there's very little recoil on it, and as you can see, it's very small, light, and easy to carry."

"This is a pretty small pistol, though…" Desmoulin says.

"That's the beauty of it," replies Ivy. "It's very concealable."

_But is the Glock as efficient a killer as the Beretta? Our team sets up a series of targets to test it. Just like Colleen, Batgirl will have five seconds to take the targets out._

The same shooting distance test is set up for the Glock, and Batgirl now stands several yards in front of the targets.

"Batgirl, are you ready?" asks Geoff.

"Yeah!" Batgirl replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Batgirl draws the Glock and fires at one target, hitting it in the head. She aims at the second target and shoots it in the neck. She continues shooting targets until Geoff signals for her to stop.

"And…TIME! Nice job!" Geoff calls as Batgirl puts down the pistol.

_Does the Glock pack as much killing power as the Beretta? Dr. Dorian assesses the damage._

"Okay, let's take a look at these," says Dr. Dorian as he investigates the bloody targets. "Not as fast as the Beretta, but you've shot this guy in the head, right between the eyes. This is instant death. Next guy, you shot in the neck—another kill shot. Guy #3 has been shot right through the heart—no explanation needed there. Guy #4—you got him in the gut, which would bleed a lot, and he would die, but it's not instant. And Guy #5, you shot in the jaw—this would shut the guy up, cause massive pain and bleeding, but it's not a kill shot. This guy can still fight back."

"So, in summary," Geoff interjects, "out of five guys, four are dead, and one is seriously hurting. Not too shabby."

_But Team Black Cat doesn't seem intimidated._

"Four outta five kills?" Misty asks. "That's called 'sloppy'. Every shot Colleen took made mincemeat outta these crackahs."

"Ah, but our shots are more powerful," Ivy replies.

"Doesn't matter," Misty argues. "'Leesh can still fight back if she takes a shot like Mr. No-Mouth over here."

_Beretta or Glock—which pistol gets the edge?_

"We had four instant kills and a mortal wound with the Glock," Geoff recalls, "Versus five instant kills with the Beretta. I have to go with which one caused the most death, so edge for me, Beretta."

"Agreed," says Geiger. "Edge, Beretta."

_In long-range weapons, Black Cat takes the edge for the Beretta pistol. But now, it's time for the fight to move in closer, as both ladies wield impressively powerful medium-range weapons._

We see Black Cat shooting a person with a small hook-on-a-chain that extends from her glove.

_Like Black Cat's __**Grappling Hooks**__: built-in tools for scaling walls—or killing people._

Everybody's now inside the fight club, and Colleen is wearing Black Cat's fur-lined gloves as she begins to explain how the grappling hooks work:

"Felicia went to the Tinkerer to design a portable system for her to climb buildings with. This is what he came up with…"

Colleen flips her wrists around and shoots a grappling hook onto a target positioned about three feet away.

"Nice," says Geoff, looking the portable grappling hooks over.

"Well, these look like great tools for climbing," Max admits, "but the question is, can they kill?"

"Try me," Colleen dares.

Armed with the mini-grappling hooks, Colleen now stands in front of a hanging pig carcass.

_The target: a pig carcass, the closest thing to human flesh._

"Are you ready?" Geoff shouts.

"Yes, sir!" Colleen replies.

"Three, two, one—DESTROY IT!"

On Geoff's word, Colleen shoots both grappling hooks at the pig. As Geoff and Max cheer, she yanks one out, and then throws it back in the pig, ripping the flesh of the pig and causing massive bleeding. She continues doing this, but has to pull hard to get the hooks out of the pig's flesh. After a few seconds, she stops, and the pig has numerous gaping holes in its body, along with a massive puddle of blood under it.

_The damage done by the grappling hooks is devastating._

Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage done to the pig. "I didn't think those little hooks would do this much damage, but look—you've basically tore this pig's innards out of its body," he says as he puts his hand inside the pig's wound. "You've hit the lungs and the heart, and that basically means instant death."

"The same would happen to Catwoman, my friend…" Colleen boasts.

_But our Catwoman team isn't impressed._

"I wasn't impressed with the pig demonstration—I don't eat pork," Ivy tells the viewers. "Besides, those grappling hooks are barely larger than a pair of kitchen shears. If I remember correctly, Catwoman has a weapon that can cause much more trauma."

We see Catwoman smashing someone's head in with a massive whip.

_The __**Bullwhip**__: a welt-raising leather strap of death._

In another part of the fight club, Poison Ivy is holding a large bullwhip, talking with the _Deadliest Warrior _team:

"This is Catwoman's pride and joy—the bullwhip. It's powerful, fast, and causes massive damage everywhere it's swung."

"So why does Catwoman use a bullwhip, of all things?" Geoff asks.

"Because it's a user-specific weapon," Ivy explains. "If an enemy were to, say, get their hands on this whip in the midst of battle, they probably wouldn't know how to use it."

Dr. Dorian and Max are now seen carrying in a ballistics gel torso.

_But can the bullwhip actually kill? Our team sets up a ballistics gel torso to find out._

"Okay, Ivy, this is ballistics gel," Dr. Dorian explains. "We've got everything, basically, that a human body would have—flesh, bone, organs, blood—basically anything you can do to this, you can do to a human body."

Ivy is now seen standing several feet in front of the torso with the whip in her hand.

"Ivy, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yes, I am," Ivy simply replies.

"Three, two, one—WHIP IT!"

On Geoff's word, Ivy smashes the bullwhip into the gel torso's head, tearing a chunk of flesh off. She then turns her attention to the chest, and after multiple strikes, blood starts pouring out of the chest. She then whips the target's head some more until the head splits open and blood and brain matter fly out.

"YEAH!" Max cheers.

"That's how we do it in Gotham, darling…" Ivy says, smiling sinisterly.

Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage done to the ballistics gel torso.

"Holy crap—for a blunt trauma weapon like that whip, this is amazing damage done," Dorian admits. "You've basically cut through this body with that whip. You've got bleeding from the chest, you've severed some arteries and veins, and plus, you've cut the head almost completely in half with just that whip. No question about it—this guy's a goner."

"Just like I told you, sweetheart…nothing compares to this little beauty," Ivy says.

"That, and there's just something about a woman with a whip…" Geoff says, smirking.

"Easy there, killer," Max says as he puts his hand on Geoff's shoulder.

_But which medium-range weapon has an edge over the other?_

"The grappling hooks, while handy because they're built into Black Cat's costume, aren't really built to be weapons," Desmoulin tells his two buddies. "The bullwhip, while I don't think it'll kill in one strike, is enough to incapacitate Black Cat enough to cause massive damage with the thing."

"Plus, if Black Cat manages to get her hands on the bullwhip during the battle, it's doubtful she'll know how to use it," adds Geiger. "Edge goes to the bullwhip."

_For mid-range weapons, the edge goes to Catwoman's bullwhip. But now, it's time for this match to get up-close-and-personal. And one thing Black Cat and Catwoman have in common are their signature melee weapons._

We see Black Cat slicing and dicing an opposing fighter with her claws.

_**Black Cat's Cat Claws**__: solid steel tools for ripping through a person's flesh._

Misty and our _Deadliest Warrior_ men are seen in front of the computer as Misty starts to analyze Black Cat's signature weapon:

"These are 'Leesh's pride and joy. They're made of solid steel, they're real lightweight, and they're versatile—ya' can pierce, ya' can stab, and a-course, ya' can slash."

_But Catwoman isn't a slouch when it comes to her claws, either._

We see Catwoman swiping at Batman with her claws, with the Dark Knight barely dodging the attack.

_**Catwoman's Cat Claws**__: perfect for slicing and dicing an unarmored adversary._

Batgirl is now standing on the opposite side of the _Deadliest Warrior_ team with Catwoman's claws. Misty is still onscreen, watching her explain the weapons intently:

"These are the reason Catwoman's so famous. These claws are made of tempered steel, they're fast, and they're so sharp, they can cut through solid glass."

"These look like basically the same weapon," says Desmoulin. "From looking at them, I can't really tell them apart, so the only way to see which claws are superior would be to test them. Let's go…"

In another part of the fight club, a pig carcass is seen hanging from the ceiling, as Geoff attaches a small device to Misty's claw-wielding arms.

_Both pairs of claws will be tested on pig carcasses to simulate what would happen if claws ever met human flesh. First, Misty steps up to the plate with Black Cat's claws. To analyze the speed of her punches, Geoff attaches an accelerometer to Misty's wrists._

Misty now has Black Cat's claws on her hands as she stands in front of her porcine target.

"Are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Mm-hmm!" Misty responds, nodding.

"On three, two, one—SLASH IT!"

As soon as Geoff says "slash it", Misty digs into the pig's body with her claws. With deep, devastating strikes, pieces of flesh and blood are ripped away from the pig with every second. To finish, Misty punches the pig in the back, leaving the claws from her left hand embedded in the pig's flesh.

"YEAH!" Geoff cheers.

"Whoo!" Max adds.

_The claws annihilate the pig flesh, but how fast were Misty's strikes?_

"According to these numbers, Misty, we've got fifteen feet per second with those punches," Geoff says, analyzing the data on the computer screen. "In effect, it's like jumping out a window onto those claws."

"Told 'ya these things could get the job done," Misty says, looking toward Team Catwoman with an 'I told you so' expression on her face.

"You think _that_ was impressive?" Batgirl asks, clearly not impressed. "Watch what we can do with ours…"

_A fresh pig is brought in, on which Batgirl will demonstrate Catwoman's claws._

Batgirl is now standing in front of a new, slightly larger pig carcass, wielding her own pair of cat claws. Like Misty, she wears an accelerometer on her wrists.

"Are you ready, Batgirl?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Batgirl replies.

"Three, two, one—HACK 'EM UP!"

Geoff doesn't have to tell Batgirl twice—she begins slashing the pig with lightning-quick speed. Geoff and Max hoot and holler as Batgirl takes a little time to slash some deep wounds in the pig's stomach, causing blood to stream out, but her strikes are, for the most part, quicker than Misty's. To finish, she digs the claws on her right hand into the pig's chest and rakes straight down, causing another fountain of blood to pour out of the pig carcass.

"All right!" Geiger cheers as Batgirl rakes the claws down the pig's body.

"Think that'll be enough?" Batgirl asks, holding her arms out.

"He—_hell_ yeah!" Max replies.

Everyone laughs as Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage done to the pig.

"To say these claws are lethal would be an understatement," he says. "Look at this—you've sliced through the flesh, through the muscle, almost to the bone. But out of all the strikes you made to this pig, I think the one that's most likely to kill would be that last one where you stuck the claws in the chest and raked them straight down. That would hit the heart, the coronary arteries, and possibly even the stomach—if you can get it deep enough, someone would die from that kind of wound almost instantly."

_Were Batgirl's strikes faster than Misty's?_

"According to these readings, you slashed that pig at about thirty-five feet per second," explains Desmoulin. "That's over twice the speed we got with Misty wearing Black Cat's claws."

"Yeah, but _I_ did a lot more damage," Misty retorts.

"Only because your pig was smaller than ours," Batgirl points out. "I'll take speed and precision over strength and brute force any day."

"I did more damage to the pig," Misty argues. "End of story."

_In the wake of our two teams' squabbling, our experts have a daunting question to ask themselves: which pair of claws is better?_

"From what I saw, both claws are solid steel, both can cause extreme damage, and both are lightning-fast killing weapons," Geoff tells his friends. "Essentially, they're the same exact weapon, so I can't really give the edge to one pair of claws over the other."

"I agree completely," says Max. "They're both equally lethal and equally deadly."

_In close-range weapons, the two ladies' claws are dead-even. But this match isn't over yet—our experts still need to test the ladies' special weapons. And for Black Cat, this weapon is her own body._

We now see Black Cat delivering a series of powerful martial arts kicks to a group of the Green Goblin's henchmen.

_**Martial Arts Training**__: a combination of lethal arts that Black Cat has mastered over the years._

Colleen, Geoff and Max are standing in front of a gel torso as Colleen starts explaining the martial arts Black Cat knows:

"After she was raped, Felicia schooled herself in pretty much every martial art known to the general public—karate, kung fu, judo, tae kwon do—you name it. This training not only honed her speed and agility, but it turned her own body into a lethal weapon."

"Well, we know from people like Bruce Lee that martial arts moves can kill," says Max, "but why don't we see what damage we can get from a well-timed attack."

"Let's do it," says Colleen eagerly.

Colleen now stands in front of a ballistics gel torso in a fighting stance as our team looks on from the sidelines.

"Are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"_Hai!_" Colleen replies as she strikes a fighting pose.

"Three, two, one—GO!"

Colleen unloads with a massive roundhouse kick to the torso's head, causing the neck to snap back. She then starts punching and kicking the torso, not letting up until about ten seconds pass.

"Nice…" Max remarks.

_Colleen hit all her shots, but collectively, are they enough to kill?_

"It looks like you've broken a few bones in the torso," says Dr. Dorian as he examines the strikes. "Maybe caused a little internal bleeding—that's not gonna kill by itself. However, when you hit the skull with your first kick, you caused what we call a 'depressed skull fracture', meaning that the bone goes into the brain, causing hemorrhage and eventually death. That first shot you made would kill—everything else is just collateral damage."

"And with an expert like Black Cat, these shots would be twice as powerful," Colleen adds.

_Despite the damage, our Catwoman team doesn't buy it for a second._

"Please—this is an inanimate object," Poison Ivy says as she and Batgirl enter the picture. "It doesn't move. Catwoman would jump out of the way in a heartbeat. She's got her own ways to counter people who use karate and such."

_And Catwoman has another weapon that doesn't require any special training to use._

We see Catwoman smashing Robin in the face with her powerful multi-ended whip.

_The __**Cat-O'-Nine-Tails**__: nine deadly whips in one._

In front of yet another ballistics gel torso, Poison Ivy wields the deadly-looking whip as she explains its benefits to our _Deadliest Warrior_ dudes:

"If you asked Catwoman, she'd tell you that this was her favorite weapon. It's extremely versatile—these nine ends on the whip are tipped with steel or diamonds, and will cause massive damage wherever the whip is swung."

"Well, this certainly _looks_ like a frightening weapon," Max admits, "but what I'm concerned about is the accuracy of it with all those whips going everywhere. So let's test it and see if this can truly kill, or if it's all 'meow' and no bite, so to speak."

"My pleasure, darling…" Ivy says, smiling wryly.

Ivy steps up to the ballistics gel body as the three guys look on from the side.

"Ivy, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"Yes I am, sweetheart…" Ivy says as she takes a fighting stance.

"Three, two, one—WHIP IT GOOD!"

When Geoff gives the signal, Ivy smashes the cat-o'-nine-tails into the gel torso, severely maiming the face and neck with the first strike as the steel tips of the whip tear flesh and muscle from the torso. One more shot from the cat-o'-nine-tails leaves a deep, bloody gash in the torso's chest, and Ivy steps away from the target as Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.

"WOO!" Geoff shouts.

"Yeah, awesome!" Max yells.

"There's no need to tell you that this is a kill shot," Dr. Dorian admits as he examines the gashes made by the whip. "You've got brain matter coming out where you hit the skull with your first strike, and you hit the aorta with your second strike. This guy is unconscious in a few seconds, and he's dead after about a minute."

"Like I said, there's nothing like a whip to cause some carnage," says Poison Ivy, smiling.

Misty and Colleen step in to assess the damage and the weapon.

"I'm not convinced," says Colleen, shaking her head. "I mean, this weapon looks pretty cumbersome to me…"

"For sho'," says Misty. "Plus, there's no tellin' where those nine whip-thingies are gonna go. With the right martial arts trainin', somebody's own body can become a weapon."

_Our teams disagree, but for our experts, it's a no-brainer._

"I liked the martial arts demonstration because it proves that Black Cat can use her own body to kill if she runs out of weapons," Geoff admits to Max and Dr. Dorian. However, the cat-o'-nine-tails really hammered it home—you've got nine steel-tipped whips in one, which will cause massive damage to anyone who gets in its way."

"Even if half those whips don't hit anything, the chances of you hitting _something_ with that whip are pretty high," Geiger observes. "Plus, it's got a longer reach than Black Cat's legs, and it's useless to Black Cat if she happens to get her hands on it. So edge, Catwoman."

"Edge, Catwoman," Desmoulin seconds.

"Edge, Catwoman…" Dr. Dorian says, making the decision unanimous.

_In special weapons, Catwoman takes the edge with the cat-o'-nine-tails whip._

We now see a montage of some of the weapons that have been tested on the episode.

_With the testing complete, Max loads the results into a state-of-the-art computer simulation program developed by Slitherine Studios. The program will simulate a blow-by-blow battle between the two heroines. The winner will be the Deadliest Hero._

**Explosive weapons edge: Black Cat's Flash Grenade  
****Long-range weapons edge: Black Cat's Beretta Pistol  
****Mid-range weapons edge: Catwoman's Bullwhip  
****Close-range weapons edge: Both Black Cat's and Catwoman's Cat Claws  
****Special weapons edge: Catwoman's Cat-O'-Nine-Tails**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will run the simulation a thousand times. Despite the ladies' similarities, it's still a battle of opposites: one took to crime to prove she could overcome nearly insurmountable odds…_

We see Black Cat kicking Spider-Man in the face on one of their first meetings with one another.

_The other commits crimes for the sheer thrill of the chase._

We see Catwoman knocking Batman back with her cat-o'-nine-tails and quickly fleeing with a bag of loot.

"We've got just about all the data we can handle," says Max, seated in front of the laptop screen. "So what do you say we fire it up?" he asks Geoff and Dr. Dorian nearby.

"It's go time, buddy," says Desmoulin.

"Let's lock and load, then," says Max. He presses a button on the computer, and the screen goes all _Matrix_. A second or two later, the battle scene appears.

**The Battle**

The setting is that of a large city at night. The sounds of cars honking and whizzing by can be heard below as atop a tall skyscraper, we see Black Cat looking through night-vision goggles into a nearby one-story museum's window, where she sees a large, expensive-looking jewel on display. Black Cat uses a large grappling hook-gun to latch onto the window's ledge and climb out to it. Once on the windowsill, she uses her claws to cut through the window glass and enter the building. Catwoman is already inside the building, eyeing the jewel as well, and the two women come face-to-face for the first time. In the light of the infrared sensors surrounding the jewel, they both eye one another with disdain for a second or two. Both women reach for something near their belts, but it's Catwoman who pulls her Glock pistol first and fires it at Black Cat, but it's dark and she misses. Black Cat dives to the left, into a corner, and shoots at Catwoman with her Beretta pistol, hitting Catwoman in the leg. Catwoman hisses in pain as she fires a volley of bullets from her pistol, hitting her adversary in the hand with one of them. Shrieking in pain, Black Cat retreats behind a large table, grabs a flash grenade from her belt and lobs it, sending it landing near Catwoman's feet. A blinding flash of light fills the area, and when the light fades away, Catwoman covers her eyes, blinded temporarily. As Catwoman flounders around in the dark, Black Cat slowly approaches Catwoman, ready for anything. However, Catwoman has found her smoke bomb in her belt, and she pulls the pin on it and blindly throws it into the room. Smoke pours out of the grenade as Black Cat coughs and covers her face to shield herself from the smoke. Catwoman has now regained her sight, and pulls out her bullwhip. Catwoman rushes toward Black Cat, but Black Cat sees Catwoman coming and gets out of the way just in time. Black Cat shoots Catwoman in the leg with one of her grappling hooks, sending the Gotham femme fatale reeling to the marble floor and causing her to drop her whip. Black Cat approaches the downed Catwoman and tries to punch her, but Catwoman flips over and kicks Black Cat with both feet, sending her reeling backwards. Catwoman fires another shot from her pistol, striking Black Cat in the stomach. As Black Cat screams in pain, Catwoman limps over to the display case and starts trying to disable the security system. Catwoman hears something behind her, and when she looks back, Black Cat catches her in the face with a flying thrust kick. Catwoman reels back, knocking the jewel off the display case and triggering the alarm system. As the alarm blares throughout the museum, Black Cat starts punching Catwoman. After taking several hard hits to the face, Catwoman manages to pull out her cat-o'-nine-tails, and smashes Black Cat in the face with it. Felicia falls backward into a glass display case as Selina approaches her with her whip. Black Cat fires her other grappling hook at Catwoman, but Catwoman knocks it away with the cat-o'-nine-tails and smashes Black Cat in the face again with it. Black Cat's once-beautiful face is now marked with whip marks as Catwoman growls, sheaths her whip, and extends her cat claws. With one last burst of strength, Black Cat rolls out of the way of a stab from Catwoman's claws and slashes Catwoman in the leg with her own claws. Black Cat slashes Catwoman across the stomach, and then rushes toward her, ready to stab her through the heart. Catwoman dodges the claws and slashes Black Cat in the chest. As Black Cat screams in pain, she falls to her knees, and Catwoman seizes the opportunity and sinks her claws into Black Cat's neck. Blood pours from Black Cat's mouth before she collapses to the floor. An evil smile on her face, Catwoman stabs Black Cat with the claws several more times to make sure she's dead, then rises to her feet and licks the blood from her claws. Over the museum's blaring alarm system, Catwoman suddenly hears police sirens pulling up outside. She quickly grabs the jewel that fell from the display case, climbs out the window, and exits the building. The camera zooms in on Black Cat's dead body, a look of terror permanently affixed on her whip-scarred face.

**Winner: Catwoman**

"Out of a thousand battles, Catwoman emerged victorious 61.5% of the time," Geiger explains. "What really hammered this fight home was Catwoman's lethality with all her weapons. Catwoman's powerful whips were able to overpower Black Cat's grappling hooks and score her a decisive victory."

_With the exception of the smoke bomb, all of Catwoman's weapons scored kills in the triple digits._

**Catwoman kills: 615  
**Cat Claws: 103  
Bullwhip: 186  
Glock Pistol: 101  
Cat-O'-Nine-Tails: 225  
Smoke Bomb: 0

_Black Cat only claimed 385 kills. Her best weapon was her Beretta pistol, but it wasn't enough._

**Black Cat kills: 385  
**Cat Claws: 89  
Grappling Hooks: 25  
Beretta Pistol: 163  
Martial Arts Techniques: 108  
Flash Grenade: 0

"Catwoman is savage," Desmoulin remarks. "She's lethal with those whips, and will literally tear a person's face off with those claws."

"Catwoman got lucky," says Misty. "On any given day, 'Leesh woulda just smashed her upside the head with a judo kick or somethin'."

"There was never a doubt in my mind," Batgirl admits. "We're talking about one of the deadliest forces in all of Gotham. No shock to me at all."

We see Catwoman crouching on the top of the building, her back turned to us, as the camera zooms in on her. She looks back at the camera and winks as the show comes to a close.

Chapter 4 is done, and Marvel and DC are now neck-and-neck, with two wins apiece. In the next episode, get ready for _Deadliest Hero_'s first team battle, as the legendary Green Lantern Corps take on Alpha Flight. See you next time!


	5. Chapter 5: Lantern Corps vs Alpha Flight

Hello, everyone—sorry about the long wait; I was preoccupied with college starting back up again. Plus, I needed some time to think up new match-ups—and as it is; I'm _barely_ able to scrape by with a "Season 1" of this show. _PLEASE_, send me some inspiration for fights!

***NOTE: **I don't own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel, or DC. Boy, I wish I did, though. This story is totally fictional—none of the characters are real, save the three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for future matches, please let me know. I will take _every_ suggestion that I receive into consideration.

All statements by the Truly Awesome Narrator (David Wenham) are in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Hero: Green Lantern Corps vs. Alpha Flight**

As the show begins, we see a black-haired Caucasian man wearing a green mask and uniform with a circular logo on the chest. He's also wearing a green ring, which he aims at the camera.

_Green Lantern Corps: intergalactic police force endowed with the willpower to make anything and everything happen._

We see numerous members of the Corps in space, launching energy blasts from their rings at an unseen assailant.

We now see a black-haired young man wearing a black-and-white uniform. He holds up his fists and launches two quick punches at the camera.

_Alpha Flight: Canada's first line of defense for international incidents._

We see numerous members of Alpha Flight, including Northstar, Aurora and Puck, fighting off a team of bandits.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of numerous comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST HERO!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves in the fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club. In this high-tech battle zone where comic book worlds collide, we've gathered heroes, scientists, trauma doctors, and computer programmers, and then turned them loose with a weapons arsenal any comic book aficionado would kill to get their hands on. It's all to create a true-to-life deathmatch between two legendary teams of heroes: the Green Lantern Corps, the fearless guardians of the planet Oa, versus Alpha Flight, the equally fearless first-line defense of the Great White North._

**Green Lantern Corps Stats  
**Formed: 1959  
Number of members: Over 7200  
Armor: Ring-generated bulletproof force field  
Most famous member: Hal Jordan (Green Lantern)

**Alpha Flight Stats  
**Formed: 1979  
Number of members: 5-15  
Armor: Various  
Most famous member: Northstar

_Lead biomedical expert Geoff Desmoulin will track the test findings using state-of-the-art equipment._

"I'm gonna get to bring all my tools to the table," Desmoulin explains, "and measure how fast, how hard, and how lethally these weapons hit."

_E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will check the lethality of each strike._

"Based on my knowledge of injuries, I'm gonna tell you which wounds are gonna kill, and which wounds a person could walk away from," the physician explains.

_Computer whiz Max Geiger* will analyze the data and input it into a battle simulation program developed by Slitherine Studios that will determine the winner._

"Today, we've got two lethal teams of heroes fighting one another," says Geiger. "It's time to break out the old five-on-five squad battle tactics for this one, because this battle is going to get ugly."

We now see a burly young man with orange-red hair wearing a Green Lantern uniform. He points his power ring at the camera as he glares at it.

_Wielding weapons for the Green Lantern Corps: Guy Gardner. Guy has been a Green Lantern for most of his life, and knows everything there is to know about being a Corps member._

"There's nobody stronger than the Corps," Gardner sneers. "We are the elite of the elite, and our weapons and tactics are the best there is."

We now see a small, bipedal dog-like creature also wearing a Green Lantern uniform. He's surrounded by ninjas, and he looks at the camera with a pitiful look on his face.

_Also fighting for the Green Lanterns: G'nort. Despite his…"incompetence", G'nort knows the ins and outs of Green Lantern technology, and has proven himself as an invaluable member of the Corps many times._

"The Corps is the strongest force in the galaxy," G'nort babbles. "There's no one that can take down the Corps—we have the best weapons, the best tactics, the best weapons, the best fighting skills—did I already say we've got the best weapons?"

_The legendary Green Lantern Corps are based on the planet Oa, which is in and of itself a living being. The backbone behind the Corps is their power rings, which were created by a super-intelligent, all-knowing alien race called the Guardians many eons ago. The ring focuses its wearer's willpower into forcing things to actually happen in real life._

"Our rings are all we need to take somebody down," Gardner boasts. "That's why the Corps is gonna wipe the floor with these Alpha Flight punks."

_But our Alpha Flight experts believe that the Green Lanterns aren't as tough as they make themselves out to be._

The camera shows a woman with greenish-yellow skin, very short green hair, and webbed limbs, wearing a green leotard and punching a punching bag.

_Fighting for the Canadian team: Marrina Smallwood, a Plodex alien who is a former member of Alpha Flight's second-league command, Beta Flight._

"Alpha Flight is the one of the greatest hero teams in history, hands down," Marrina says. "Nobody gives us enough credit as heroes, but that's about to change today."

We now see a midget wearing a dark blue uniform with a large orange "P" on the front of it. He's wielding a portable photon blaster as he points it at the camera.

_Rounding out Team Alpha Flight is Puck, the famous dwarf who helped Alpha Flight out on many of their missions._

"Alpha Flight doesn't get enough credit for their accomplishments," Puck complains. "We were the first nationally renowned Canadian hero team, and we kick-started a lot of future heroes' careers."

_Alpha Flight was formed in 1979, as part of a separate branch of the Canadian Department of National Defence. Most team members have Inuit or First Nations heritage, and function as a powerful "delta force" for southern Canada. Members of an elite group, Alpha Flight have been powerful both as a unit and on their own, with some members like Northstar also eventually joining the X-Men._

"Alpha Flight will destroy the Green Lanterns because we can operate on multiple cylinders," Puck explains. "We aren't just limited down to one or two weapons—we can do it all."

_So how would this team of "special ops" heroes fare against a team some people claim to wield the most powerful weapon in the universe? Our experts are divided._

"Up front, I've gotta give the edge to Alpha Flight," Geoff comments. "The Green Lanterns have only one weapon at their disposal—their power rings. They're predictable, and I think that's gonna be their downfall."

"We've seen time and time again that the Green Lantern power ring is one of the most powerful weapons known to man," Geiger explains. "I think that's basically all the Green Lantern Corps will need to take down Alpha Flight, who aren't armed properly to deal with that kind of power."

_The primary tool for the Corps is their sacred power ring, which provides most of their assault in this battle. And the primary way the ring is used…_

We see a tentacled alien with a Green Lantern uniform destroying an asteroid with a single shot of light from his power ring.

_**Energy Blasts**__: super-strong beams of light that can cut straight through a human body._

Max, Geoff and our two Green Lantern Corps members are now standing in front of a table filled with lots of weapons and armor adorned with the Green Lantern insignia. Guy Gardner begins to explain the powers of the ring:

"This here is the Corps power ring. It's one-a' the most desirable weapons in the universe, but only members of the GLC can wear it. It's considered sacred to the Corps like that."

"How do the Green Lanterns typically use their ring?" Desmoulin asks.

"One of the best weapons we can make is by firing a beam of charged particles from our ringy-dings to make a big blast of energy," G'nort attempts to explain. "Sort of like a…big…beam of…energy."

"Excuse my associate here," Gardner apologizes before glaring back at G'nort. "He's an idiot..."

G'nort frowns and looks down at the ground.

_To test the power and accuracy of the ring energy blast, our team heads outside, where a group of foam torsos have been set up for Guy to take aim at._

"Guy, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"I'm ready!" says Guy as he narrows his eyes at the foam targets before him.

"On my signal! Three, two, one—FIRE!"

Gardner points his power ring at the five targets, and blasts of bright green light shoot out of the ring. Three of Gardner's blasts annihilate the first target they hit, and another almost burns a hole straight through the leftmost mannequin. When the targets are all destroyed, Gardner puts his ring down so Dr. Dorian can assess the damage.

"Yikes!" Max cries.

"YEAH!" Geoff cheers.

"Okay, this is definitely a kill strike," explains Dr. Dorian as he examines one of the foam torsos. "You've cut most of these targets into ribbons with those blasts—there's no way a professional surgeon like me would be able to repair something this severe. These guys are all goners."

_An impressive display, but the Alpha Flight team doesn't seem fazed._

"A projectile of light—you guys are so predictable it's not even funny anymore," Marrina grumbles. "This is nothing compared to the long-range blasting power of some of our heroes."

"You honestly believe you guys can stack up to something like our rings?" Gardner snarls. "Do you have any type of armor that'll protect you from it?"

"Absolutely," Marrina replies. "It's called 'dodging them'!"

_The Green Lantern's power rings produce deadly blasts, but Alpha Flight also has two members that can unleash a wicked long-range assault of their own._

We see Alpha Flight members Northstar and Aurora holding hands and firing a blast of powerful energy at two thugs.

_Northstar and Aurora's __**Photon Blasts**__: powerful blasts of light that can burn through solid rock._

Marrina and Puck are now with our _Deadliest Warrior_ experts on the firing range outside as Puck explains how the brother-and-sister pair utilize one of their special weapons:

"Two of our most famous members were Northstar and Aurora. They're fraternal twins, and they have basically the same powers—both can travel at near-light speed, and both have the ability to launch beams of supercharged photons at anybody that gets in their way."

"Well, we've got five torsos set up just like we did with Gardner and G'nort," says Geoff, pointing behind him. "You think you can destroy them faster?"

"Leave it to me," Puck assures Geoff.

_Puck will use a handheld photon blaster to cause damage similar to Northstar and Aurora._

"Puck, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yes, sir!" the dwarf replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Puck aims the handheld photon gun at one of the targets and fires. A beam of supercharged light hits the first target and almost cuts it in two. Puck fires the remainder of the beam at the other targets, completely decimating them. When the damage is done, he puts down the blaster and allows Dr. Dorian to come in and assess the damage.

"Whoo—yeah!" Geoff cheers.

"Holy crap, look at this!" says Dr. Dorian as he examines one of the targets. "You've cut this guy almost in half with that blast! This guy's a dead goner, no doubt about it."

_Which team has the more lethal long-range blasts?_

"Even though both of these tactics are lethal," Desmoulin tells the audience, "I think I have to give the edge to the Green Lanterns in this one. They have longer reach with their ring blasts; plus, every member of the Corps can use this tactic. Only Northstar and Aurora have access to photon blasts. So edge, Green Lanterns."

_For long-range weapons, the edge goes to the Green Lantern Corps for the power ring energy blasts. But this match is only getting started, as both teams wield deadly medium-range weapons. And for the Green Lantern Corps, they turn to a tool used by the legendary Navy SEALs._

We see a pig-like alien Corps member using a rifle similar to an M16 to shoot several targets on an interplanetary firing range.

_The __**M4 Colt Commando Rifle**__: capable of blasting a hole through a target more than fifty yards away._

Gardner and G'nort are now out on the firing range with our _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. Gardner holds the Colt Commando as he explains how it works:

"This here is the ol' reliable Colt Commando. It's used by the U.S. military, and the Corps also uses it for simple or quick-workin' jobs, too."

"Why would you need something like this when you've got your power rings?" Geiger asks.

"When our rings run outta power, we carry around something like this for backup," G'nort explains. "It's got a hundred-foot range, can fire about 600 rounds a minute, and it's pretty lightweight to carry around."

"Fuzz-face is usually a dolt," Gardner admits, "but he knows the weapons we use to a f***ing 'T'." Behind him, G'nort beams proudly.

_To test the rifle's power, our team sets up a group of targets for Gardner to take aim at._

"Okay, Guy, on my signal only!" Geoff shouts. "Got it?"

"Gotcha!" Guy replies as he takes aim at the targets before him.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Guy fires the rifle at the blood-filled splatter balls set up before him. He hits five targets easily within about seven seconds.

_The speed and accuracy of the M4 is impressive, but our Alpha Flight experts aren't impressed in the least._

"Very impressive display," Puck admits. "I guess I won't stand there and let you shoot at me, huh?"

"Do you guys have anything that can combat something like this?" Desmoulin asks Puck and Marrina.

Just watch," Marrina says, smirking. "We've got something that'll knock your socks off."

_Alpha Flight doesn't use firearms, but the two famous team members who can form photon blasts are also able to launch powerful strikes at bullet-fast speed._

We see Northstar and Aurora punching a crook with lightning-fast jabs and uppercuts.

_Northstar and Aurora's __**Speed Punching **__power: flying fists of death._

The team is back inside, and Marrina starts to explain the power behind the twin Alpha Flight members' speed punches:

"Northstar and Aurora also have the power to focus their speed into their fists. This means that they're able to throw punches at over 7,000 feet per second."

"Now _that's_ something I've gotta see tested," Geoff says.

Geoff is now seen strapping two devices to Marrina's hands.

_Geoff attaches a high-speed sensor to Marrina's hands to measure the power of her punches. She also wears a pair of speed-vibrating gloves that will give results similar to the twins' speed punches._

Marrina is now standing in front of a side of beef wearing the gloves and the device.

"Ready, Marrina?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Marrina shouts.

"Three, two, one—PUNCH IT!"

Geoff doesn't have to tell Marrina twice—she begins unloading on the giant target with lightning-fast jabs. As she punches the slab of beef, the bones quickly start to break, and a little blood even starts to seep out of the flesh. After about ten seconds, she lets up so Dr. Dorian can assess the damage.

"Okay, normally, when someone punches a person, it's not gonna kill them," Dorian explains. "But because you've jacked up the speed of these punches, you've broken numerous ribs and caused some significant trauma to this cow. I imagine that if you kept on punching like you just did for a few more seconds, this would actually be a killing strike."

_But is the speed-punching better than the Corps' M4 Colt Commando?_

"For me, it's usually about the quickness of the weapon—which weapon can actually kill first," Desmoulin tells the viewing audience. "In this case, since the twins are super-fast and aren't giving the Corps any time to retrieve their rifle, they have the potential to kill first. I'm giving it to Alpha Flight in this one."

_For medium-range weapons, Alpha Flight takes the edge with Northstar and Aurora's speed punching power. As the fight moves in close, our teams ready their melee combat style. And for the Green Lantern Corps, nothing is more satisfying than using your own body as an effective weapon._

We see a golden-skinned female Corps member kicking an assailant upside the head with a roundhouse.

_**Martial Arts Skills**__: the bread-and-butter of many trained assassins._

Guy Gardner and our _Deadliest Warrior_ guys are inside, in front of the computer as Gardner starts to explain about the martial arts techniques:

"A lot of our members are skilled in different types-a' martial arts—karate, judo, ninjitsu, you name it. So if our rings go out and we lose our rifle, we at least have something to fall back on."

"Well, we've seen a lot of people test their own bodies as a weapon before, and nobody's proven to be much of a threat," Geiger says, remembering some of the tests from previous episodes. "Think you can break the tradition?"

"Oh yeah," Guy replies confidently.

Guy now stands in front of a ballistics gel torso, ready to do some damage to the poor dummy.

"All right, Guy," says Desmoulin, "high speed's up, pressure mats are up and running—whenever you're ready."

After a few seconds of preparation, Guy unloads with a big straight-arm punch to the torso, and then follows up with a kick to the chest, knocking it backwards.

_Was Guy's punch-and-kick combo enough to cause a kill?_

"I've got 33 pounds per square inch," Desmoulin announces. "Enough to cause a fracture if it hits the right spot, maybe punch through the skin, but it's not enough to kill."

"See?" Puck says, mocking Guy. "You spent all the time talking about your deadly punches, and look what happened!"

"Keep it up, squirt, and you'll feel one-a' these deadly punches to your f***ing face!" Guy says angrily.

_Team Green Lantern talks a tough game, but Team Alpha Flight feels that two of their members have enough to counter the Corp's martial arts skills._

We see Alpha Flight member Sasquatch manhandling a group of thugs.

_**Sasquatch's Strength**__: power straight from the legendary hominid himself._

Puck and the _Deadliest Warrior _team are inside again as Puck starts to explain Sasquatch's history:

"Sasquatch was one of the founding members of Alpha Flight. He's named after the same massive creature that roams the forests of Canada, and he's just as strong."

"I'd love to see how someone that strong can inflict a kill on something," Desmoulin admits.

"No problem," says Puck, smiling and gesturing behind him.

We now see the doors of the fight club open, and a very familiar giant green man wearing purple shorts walks through the doors.

_To simulate Sasquatch's strength, Puck and Marrina have brought in a long-time friend of Alpha Flight—the legendary Incredible Hulk._

"Hulk—good to see you, man!" says Geoff as he extends his hand.

"Thanks…Hulk glad to be here," replies Hulk as he takes Geoff's hand and shakes it. We hear bones cracking as Geoff grimaces in pain.

_To test the killing power of someone as strong as Sasquatch, the Hulk will demonstrate his power on the closest thing to human flesh—a pig carcass._

"Hulk, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yeah!" Hulk roars.

"Three, two, one—DESTROY IT!"

On Geoff's word, Hulk punches the suspended pig carcass, sending it wheeling end-over-end to the opposite side of the fight club. Everyone around is astounded by the results.

"HOLY SHIT!" Geoff shouts.

"Damn!" Max adds. "Now _that's_ the way you make an impact!"

_In addition to Sasquatch, another famous member of Alpha Flight is able to provide close-combat skills in a very unique way._

We see Alpha Flight member Snowbird morphing into a giant eagle and battling with some thugs.

_**Snowbird's Animal Morphs**__: providing her with the power and cunning of any animal from north of the border._

The team is shown leading four trained animals into the building: a polar bear, a caribou, a Canadian lynx, and a golden eagle.

_To simulate Snowbird's power, our team has gathered an assembly of animals from the Great White North to see how much damage they can do to the human body._

"Okay, the high-speed's up," Geoff tells the animals' trainer. "Whenever you're ready."

The animal trainer gives a verbal command, and all four animals attack the gel torsos. The polar bear manages to decapitate its victim with one swipe of its front paw, while the caribou completely impales the torso on its antlers. The lynx bites its target, and cuts straight through the head with its teeth, causing blood to stream out of the brain. The eagle rips and tears at the torso's chest with its talons, eventually ripping straight through to the liver.

_The damage done by the animals is impressive…but is it enough to kill?_

"Okay, these look like they'd all be enough to kill," says Geoff as he examines the destroyed torsos. "The only one I'm concerned about is the eagle. It looks like it took a long time for it to rip through that torso, and as small as it is, I think I could easily swat that thing away in time."

"Yeah, but whatever Snowbird morphs into, it's at least the same size as she is," Marrina explains. "Imagine an eagle the size of a parasail coming down straight on your face."

_Martial arts tactics or a combo of strength and animal powers—which one would outperform the other?_

"Sasquatch and Snowbird take this one, hands down," Desmoulin tells his comrades. "Both can dish out a lot of damage with their respective powers, and that should be more than enough to combat the Corp's martial arts skills. So, edge, Alpha Flight."

"Edge, Alpha Flight," Dr. Dorian agrees.

_For short-range weapons, the edge goes to Alpha Flight, for Sasquatch's strength and Snowbird's animal morphs. But the Green Lantern Corps isn't packing it in yet—our teams still need to test both teams' special weapons. And for the Corps, one of their most feared and deadliest weapons takes years to master._

We see a shark-like alien Corps member creating a mallet of light from his ring and smashing an enemy upside the head with it.

_Power ring __**Created Matter**__: able to make anything capable of destroying an opponent._

Gardner and G'nort are now standing inside the fight club next to a group of targets, where they begin to explain this ring power to the _Deadliest Warrior_ team.

"One thing we can do with our rings is form all sorts-a things out of the light we can shoot from it," Guy explains.

"Actually, the charged ions from the ringy-ding's inner battery materialize into the form of any type of inanimate object that the wearer can picture in his mind," G'nort corrects him, effectively surprising Max, Geoff and Dr. Dorian.

"Whatever," growls Gardner, clearly used to G'nort's ramblings. "All's I know is that it takes a real long time to master."

"Well, we've got four targets set up," Max says, pointing behind him. "Why don't you show us some of the ways that this power can be used?"

"Got it," Guy responds, nodding.

_Guy and G'nort will each be given two targets. They will have ten seconds to destroy their adversaries._

Gardner and G'nort now stand in front of the targets as they await Geoff's signal.

"Are you ready?" Desmoulin asks the two Lanterns.

"Yes!" Gardner and G'nort say simultaneously.

"Three, two, one—DESTROY 'EM!"

On Geoff's word, Gardner creates a baseball bat from his ring, and swings it at the head of one of the two foam torsos, almost decapitating it. He takes aim at his second torso's chest, smashing it inward with one smack. Meanwhile, G'nort has chosen to materialize a sword out of his ring, which he plunges into the left-hand torso's chest. He pulls it out, streaming blood everywhere, and takes aim at the right-hand torso's neck, decapitating it with one swipe.

"Oh-ho-ho!" Desmoulin shouts.

"Yeah!" Geiger adds.

_The damage by the created matter is severe, but our Alpha Flight experts feel they have something better._

"Of course that stuff would be effective," Marrina begins. "These dummies aren't wearing any armor! Our team captain has armor so strong, _nothing_ can get past it."

We see a clip of Guardian shooting an adversary with a beam of plasma from his famous armor.

_**Guardian's Suit**__: a space-age set of armor made of steel mesh, capable of blocking hits and launching powerful projectiles._

Puck and our _Deadliest Warrior _team are now standing in front of a display case with Guardian's suit inside. Puck begins to explain the background behind the suit:

"This suit was invented by Guardian himself. It's made of steel mesh, and it's like a hard exoskeleton—it's light, yet durable. He can fly with it on, he can lock down to the earth's gravitational field to make himself invisible, and of course, my favorite—the infamous plasma bolts."

"Well, this armor looks to be a bit big for you," says Geoff. "Uh, no offense," he quickly adds.

"None taken," replies the dwarf, patting Geoff on the leg.

_To compensate for the size difference, Geoff has outfitted Puck with a miniaturized version of Guardian's suit, complete with most of the same powers. Puck will have five seconds to take out three targets with the three different projectiles embedded in the suit—plasma bolts, concussive energy, and ultrasonic beams._

"Are you ready, Puck?" Geoff asks.

"Oh yeah!" Puck says, already aiming at one of the targets.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Puck fires a plasma bolt at the first gel torso, knocking it down off its steel support rod. He fires a beam of concussive energy from the suit's gauntlet at the second target, knocking it down as well. The third beam fired at the third target is a bolt of ultrasonic waves, and after a few seconds, the torso's head ruptures and blood spills out the front.

"Ho-ho-holy crap!" Geoff shouts, smiling at the damage.

"Okay, this is very impressive," says Dr. Dorian as he steps in to check the damage done to the torsos. "The first one, that was the plasma bolt. You not only knocked this guy on his butt, you completely destroyed half this guy's face…this guy's a dead goner. Next guy, that was the concussion blast—you knocked him on his butt. That's what that ray was meant to do, was cause concussions, not to kill, so that's understandable. Last guy, that was the ultrasonic waves—no need to analyze this one, the whole side of his face is split open. He's dead and on the ground in a few seconds."

"Very impressive," Geoff admits. "This is a very effective weapon."

_Despite the suit's versatility, our Green Lantern team isn't buying it._

"If that suit's force field isn't taken advantage, our ringy-dings will make mincemeat out of that guy!" G'nort says, the hairs on his collar standing straight up.

_Created matter or Guardian's suit—which one takes the edge?_

"I'm torn here," Geoff admits to his comrades. "On one hand, the GLC can create a lot of things to counter Alpha Flight with their power rings. On the other hand, Guardian has a lot of powerful tools embedded into his suit. It's really a toss-up to me."

"I see your point," Max admits. "To be fair, we'll let the computer decide."

_Max inputs the data into the computer. It's a close call, but the Green Lantern Corps takes the edge in special weapons for their ring-created matter._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested on this episode.

_The testing is now complete. Now, Max loads all the data into the simulation program that will determine the winner._

**Close-range weapons edge: Alpha Flight, for Sasquatch's strength & Snowbird's morphs  
****Medium-range weapons edge: Alpha Flight, for the Twins' speed punches  
****Long-range weapons edge: Green Lantern Corps, for the ring energy blast  
****Special weapons edge: Green Lantern Corps, for ring-created matter**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will simulate one thousand battles between 5-person squads._

"I think we have all the data we need," Max says as he turns from the computer screen to Geoff and Dr. Dorian nearby, "so let's just go ahead and start the show."

"Looking forward to it…" Geoff nods.

Max presses a button, and the entire screen goes all _Matrix_, giving way to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The simulation takes place on a satellite orbiting the planet Oa, in the Green Lantern Corp's headquarters. As the camera cuts to inside the satellite, Hal Jordan, Katma Tui, Kilowog, Ch'p, and Arisia Rrab are seated at a table in the lounge, talking and enjoying the recent downtime they've been having. Ch'p tells a joke, and the rest of the Corps members laugh. In another part of the base, an automatic door opens, and Guardian enters the hallway. After looking around, he motions for someone to follow him, and Northstar, Snowbird, Aurora and Sasquatch enter the corridor behind him. Back inside the lounge, Hal hears the noise of the automatic door opening. He quiets his friends, and after listening for a second or two, the sound of another door opening is heard. The five Corps members get up and head out to investigate. As they exit the lounge, Alpha Flight rounds the corner, and the two teams come face-to-face for the first time. Katma glares at the Alpha Flight members and starts to aim her power ring at the intruding force. Aurora panics and fires a photon blast at Katma, killing her.

**Green Lanterns: 4 Alpha Flight: 5**

After seeing his comrade die, Kilowog fires a blast from his ring, catching Aurora in the chest and killing her instantly.

**GL: 4 AF: 4**

The remaining members of Alpha Flight turn tail and retreat down the hallway, but the Green Lanterns give chase. As his teammates keep going down the hallway, Northstar suddenly turns a corner and hides behind a doorway, waiting for the Green Lanterns to come close. Jordan and Arisia manage to run by him, but Northstar catches Kilowog in the face with a stiff punch, knocking him down. Ch'p tries to save Kilowog by jumping on Northstar's back and biting his neck, but Northstar shakes him off, pins him to the ground, and starts punching him in the face repeatedly at lightning-fast speed. As Kilowog regains his senses, he sees Northstar punching Ch'p and tries to fire his ring at Northstar, but it's out of power. Kilowog retrieves an M4 Colt Commando rifle from his side just as Ch'p slumps back against the wall, bleeding from multiple places on his face. Satisfied that Ch'p is dead, Northstar turns around, and Kilowog fires his Commando, hitting Northstar right between his eyes and killing him instantly.

**GL: 3 AF: 3**

Wielding his rifle, Kilowog runs off to catch up with his comrades. Further down the hall, Snowbird, Sasquatch and Guardian retreat into a bathroom. Jordan and Arisia run past the room and head downstairs, but Kilowog stops, and on a hunch, cautiously opens the door as he passes. Wielding his rifle, he slowly starts to enter, unaware that the three Alpha Flight members are waiting for him in the room's three toilet stalls. Suddenly, Sasquatch jumps out from a stall and throws a punch at Kilowog. Kilowog dodges it and fires his Commando at Sasquatch, but misses. He runs over to one of the stalls in search of cover, but Guardian emerges and grabs Kilowog. As he restrains him, Sasquatch unloads a massive punch to Kilowog's face, fracturing his jaw. Kilowog staggers into another stall as Sasquatch grabs Kilowog and heaves the pig-like alien into the tank behind the toilet, killing him. Sasquatch throws the dead Kilowog's body onto the toilet seat as he, Guardian and Snowbird exit the bathroom and start to search for more Corps members.

**GL: 2 AF: 3**

A few seconds later, the three remaining members of Alpha Flight enter the generator room downstairs. Guardian signals for Snowbird to follow him, and Sasquatch goes off in the opposite direction in search of the two remaining Green Lanterns. As Sasquatch rounds a corner, Hal Jordan emerges from the shadows and grabs him. Sasquatch struggles to get free of Jordan's grasp as Arisia appears and kicks Sasquatch in the stomach. As Sasquatch reels back, Jordan and Arisia look at one another and nod. Arisia charges forward and tackles Sasquatch to the ground. As Sasquatch struggles to get up, Jordan creates a large mallet with his power ring, and smashes Sasquatch in the head with it before he and Arisia disappear from sight. Guardian and Snowbird hear the noise and appear on the scene, and arrive in time to find the lifeless body of Sasquatch on the floor.

**GL: 2 AF: 2**

Snowbird and Guardian mourn their fallen comrade briefly before Guardian sees something moving in the shadows. He nudges Snowbird in the side and points at the shadows. A blinding flash of light envelops Snowbird, flooding the room with light, and the two heroes see Hal Jordan. Snowbird emerges from the light in the form of a polar bear, and she and Guardian charge at Hal. Hal fires a beam of light from his ring, catching the polar bear in the cranium as Guardian rushes toward him. Snowbird morphs back into herself just before taking another shot from Hal's ring, killing the demi-goddess and leaving Guardian all alone.

**GL: 2 AF: 1**

Guardian fires a beam of plasma at Hal, knocking the Green Lantern back into the wall. He rushes toward Hal and punches him in the face, sending a trickle of blood down his nose. Guardian picks Hal up and sets him up against two small cylindrical generators. As Guardian smashes Hal against the generators, Hal looks up, and we see him smile. As Guardian lifts tries to unload another punch, he looks toward the airlock to see Arisia aiming her ring at him and smiling. She fires a beam of light which hits Guardian right between the eyes, killing him instantly. Arisia approaches Jordan and helps her comrade up, and they both head for the computer room to report the break-in.

**Winner: Green Lantern Corps**

"The Green Lantern Corps emerged victorious 56% of the time in the simulation," Geiger explains. "This is because each member of Alpha Flight had a specialized weapon, and if the wrong member of Alpha Flight was killed, the team was seriously crippled. The GLC were all equipped with more or less the same weapons, so if any member of the team was killed, they could all fight back with the same amount of firepower. While Alpha Flight are tough, they couldn't stack up to a team that fights as a unit like the Corps."

_In another close match, the Corps scored 560 kills. The energy blasts and matter creation from their power rings each got kills in the triple digits._

**Green Lantern Kills: 560  
**Power Ring Energy Blast: 293  
M4 Colt Commando Rifle: 38  
Martial Arts Techniques: 9  
Power Ring Created Matter: 220

_Alpha Flight scored a fairly impressive 440 kills. Their best weapon was their leader Guardian's suit, but it wasn't enough._

**Alpha Flight Kills: 440  
**Twins' Photon Blast: 123  
Twins' Speed Punches: 42  
Sasquatch's Strength: 93  
Snowbird's Morphs: 42  
Guardian's Suit: 140

"The GLC was vicious with those power rings," Desmoulin admits. "They may truly be the most powerful weapon in the universe."

"This is a computer-generated fight," Marrina says, defending Alpha Flight's loss. "In real life, we'd use our wits to outperform the Corps."

"Hulk no like results!" the green strongman roars. "Canada heroes should have won!"

"Of _course_ the better hero won," Gardner says, smiling. "Our weapons are the best in the universe."

"Yes!" says G'nort as he rushes toward Guy. "I knew we could beat 'em!" He jumps up in Gardner's arms and extends his tongue to lick him.

"Don't even _think_ about it, bone breath…" Guy warns his fellow Corps member.

The camera shows about forty members of the Corps standing in a line outside their base. They raise their rings up in the air in victory as the episode comes to an end.

*Yes, it's true that Max Geiger will be replaced as the computer programmer on _Deadliest Warrior_ when Season 3 starts. However, I see no reason at all to replace him as the programmer on _Deadliest Hero_. Sorry, Mack…

Chapter 5 is done, and DC is now ahead in victories, 3-2. That can all change in our next episode, when two of the most famous comic book heroines of all time face off, as the X-Men's Emma Frost (AKA the White Queen) takes on Wonder Woman. See you next time!


	6. Chapter 6: Emma Frost vs Wonder Woman

After yet another long wait, I apologize. My interest in this has been waning, and I've also been swamped with work at college. The next chapter should come quicker...just please, bear with me! It'll be _much_better than Vampires vs. Zombies (yeah, don't even get me started...).

***NOTE: **I don't own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel, or DC. If I owned any or all of them, I'd be in Maui drinking piña coladas right now. Nobody in this story except the three _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts is real; ergo, it's a work of fiction. Questions/comments/suggestions should be sent to yours truly, and I'll take every one I receive into consideration.

All words by the Narrator in this story (or as you might know him, David Wenham) are in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Hero: Emma Frost vs. Wonder Woman**

As the show begins, we see a beautiful woman with long blonde hair wearing a revealing white uniform and holding up both her fists.

_Emma Frost: the deadly mental soldier of the X-Men who has fought on both sides of the law._

We see Emma controlling two people mentally, forcing them to give her their weapons.

We now see a fit black-haired woman wearing a red, white and blue uniform, a tiara, and a pair of silver bracelets. She wields a glowing golden lasso, and throws it at the camera.

_Wonder Woman: the pioneering female superhero who uses brains and brute force to outdo her opponents._

We see Wonder Woman deflecting bullets off her bracelets, then punching a nearby attacker in the face.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of numerous comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST HERO!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves back in the all-too-familiar fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club. Inside this mystical place where the universes of the real world and the comic book world bend reality itself, we've gathered doctors, scientists, martial arts experts, and some of the greatest heroes of all time, and then turned them loose with an arsenal of incredible weapons. It's all to create a simulated battle to the death between two legendary female superheroes: Emma Frost, the manipulative mental mistress of Charles Xavier's student faction, versus Wonder Woman, the powerful Amazon warrior princess who has thwarted many a villain._

**Emma Frost Stats  
**Real name/alias: The White Queen  
Ht: 5'10"  
Gear: 10 lbs  
Armor: None

**Wonder Woman Stats  
**Real name/alias: Diana  
Ht: 5'11"  
Gear: 15 lbs  
Armor: Bulletproof bracelets

_Lead biomedical scientist and karate black-belt Geoff Desmoulin will analyze the tests done by each weapon and warrior._

"Every tool I bring to the fight is designed for one thing," Desmoulin explains, "analyzing if a weapon will be able to kill or not.

_E.R. physician Armand Dorian will analyze the killing power from each strike._

"Based on what these weapons and battle styles do to these ballistics gel bodies," Dorian tells us, "I'll be able to tell you whether or not that person will die from getting hit."

_And computer programmer Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine the winner._

"Today, we've got two of the greatest female superheroes of all time squaring off against one another," Geiger says. "One uses mental force, and one uses power and agility, so this is one of those tried-and-true brains vs. brawn match-ups."

We now see a young woman with bright red hair wearing a green jumper. She holds up her hand, and a few feet away, a gel torso's head explodes.

_Representing Emma Frost: X-Men comrade Jean Grey. Jean possesses telepathic abilities similar to Emma's._

"We may not see eye to eye much, but I know Emma's as tough as nails," Jean says. "I have no problem believing that she can take down pretty much anyone."

We now see a man in a blue uniform, with a strange horizontal red device attached to his eyes. He's standing next to a suit made of a glasslike material.

_Also representing Emma: fellow X-Man and teammate Cyclops._

"Emma's one of the strongest people in the X-Men," Cyclops brags. "She knows how to fight dirty, and I have no doubt she's gonna win here today."

_Born in Boston, Emma Frost was initially a conniving villain known as the White Queen, and a member of the notorious Hellfire Club. After most of her teammates died in a robot attack, a devastated Emma turned over a new leaf and joined the X-Men, and has used her powerful mental and psychic abilities to assist the team from then on. Considered one of the five strongest telepaths on the planet, she possesses powerful abilities such as mind control, the ability to alter perception and memories, and the ability to cause mental pain just by touch._

"Emma has been able to take down telepaths two or three times as powerful as she is," Cyclops says. "This is precisely why Emma is the better fighter, no question."

_That's news to our Wonder Woman experts, who expect the Amazon princess to wipe the floor with the telepath._

We see a young girl with long blonde hair wearing a red uniform with yellow trim. She twirls a lasso in the air and throws it at a foam torso, catching the dummy by the neck.

_Fighting for Wonder Woman: her sidekick, Wonder Girl. Wonder Girl has learned and utilized many of the same tactics Wonder Woman used to dispel enemies._

"While we may have had our differences in the past, it's been an honor to serve under the greatest heroine ever to walk this earth," Wonder Girl boasts. "She's a product of the gods, and she's also not afraid to get her hands dirty."

We now see a middle-aged man with slightly graying blond hair wearing sunglasses, a brown coat and blue jeans. He points a nasty-looking sword at the camera.

_Also wielding the Amazon's weapons: Steve Trevor. Steve has known Wonder Woman on a personal basis for many years, and as a former intelligence officer in the U.S. Navy, has extensive knowledge of many of Diana's weapons._

"Every weapon Diana carries is designed to kill, maim, and ultimately take her enemies down," Steve says. "She's virtually unstoppable."

_The daughter of Hippolyta, the legendary Queen of the Amazons, Wonder Woman was one of the first female heroes to gain widespread acclaim throughout the world. Said to be as beautiful as Aphrodite, as wise as Athena, swifter than Hermes, and stronger than Hercules, Wonder Woman's strength, agility, and distinct arsenal of weapons has made her one of the most feared and respected heroes the world over, male or female._

"Diana is one of the greatest heroes the world has ever seen," Wonder Girl informs us. "She wields her weapons expertly, and is a master at hand-to-hand combat. There's no way she'll lose this match."

_So how would the Amazon princess fare against a mentally deceptive and dangerous femme fatale such as Emma Frost? Our experts disagree._

"I'm giving my initial edge to Wonder Woman," Geoff predicts. "She's got powerful weapons at her disposal, and though she may not have anything to combat Emma's mental powers, she knows how to fight in-close."

"My vote goes to Emma Frost," Max says. "She's deceptive, smart, and absolutely deadly with her psychic abilities, and we've seen before that brains, nine times out of ten, will beat brute strength."

_Both Wonder Woman and Emma have deadly weapons at their disposal, but only Emma can kill an opponent just by touching them._

We see Emma sneaking up behind a person and grabbing hold of them. After struggling for a few seconds, the man grabs his head and starts screaming in pain.

_The __**Touch of Death**__: the last thing a person fighting Emma will ever feel._

Jean, Cyclops and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are standing in front of a table of Emma's armor and costume designs as Jean tries to explain how this style of telepathy works:

"Emma, like me, is a telepath. Of course, the abilities vary from telepath to telepath, but one of Emma's signature ways to inflict damage is to focus her energy into her hands, and then simply touch her enemies."

"Well, I know telepathy's pretty handy when you want to reach a faraway object," Max jokes, "but let's see if it can actually cause bodily harm."

We see our old friend, the ninja, walk into the fight club through the double-doors.

_Narrator: Jean's target will be a live ninja. She'll have five seconds to inflict as much pain as possible on the target._

"Jean, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Jean responds.

"On three, two, one…GO!"

When Geoff gives the signal, Jean places her right hand on the ninja's chest, closes her eyes and concentrates. In about three seconds, the ninja clutches his chest and falls on the ground in pain, writhing in agony.

"Nice…" Geoff comments.

_Geoff analyzes the data from the touch, and the results speak for themselves._

"According to these readings, I think this could definitely cause death if the psychic power was of greater frequency," Desmoulin says, looking over the data. "Hell, the readings say you just about stopped Yoshi's heart, Jean…"

_But despite the power of the touch, our Wonder Woman team isn't buying it._

"That's quite the impressive display," Trevor admits, "but it's useless if you can't get close enough to touch your enemy…"

"And Diana won't let you get within ten feet of her if she can help it," Wonder Girl adds.

_Emma Frost can cause death up close, but Wonder Woman's close-in weapon is an age-old weapon that has become her trademark._

We see Wonder Woman throwing her golden lasso at a fleeing bank robber, catching the man around the waist.

_The __**Lasso of Truth**__: thirty feet of rope designed to force the victim to tell the truth—or squeeze the life out of him._

Wonder Girl, Geoff and Max are standing in front of a table of Wonder Woman's weapons as Wonder Girl starts to explain how her mentor's lasso works:

"This is Diana's lasso. Officially, it's called the Golden Lasso of Truth, and that's just what it is—it emits a mystical force that compels whoever is ensnared in it to always tell the truth."

"Who needs a lie detector with something like _that_?" Max jokes.

"Well, it's a very useful tool," admits Geoff, "but the question is, can it kill?"

"Absolutely," Wonder Girl replies.

_To better see how the lasso works, our team heads outside to test it. The target: a ballistics gel body with the same resistance as human flesh._

Wonder Girl stands in front of the body, swinging the Lasso of Truth above her head.

"Ready, Wonder Girl?" Desmoulin asks.

"I'm ready!" Wonder Girl replies.

"Three, two, one…THROW IT!"

Wonder Girl twirls the Lasso over her head a few times and then throws it at the torso. The rope lands around the torso's neck, and with a quick yank, Wonder Girl pulls the rope toward her, snapping the torso's neck.

"Impressive…" Desmoulin admits.

"Okay, you've broken this guy's neck—this is probably going to be a kill strike," says Dr. Dorian as he inspects the damage done to the torso. "He's not going to die instantly, but he's probably gonna die in a few seconds."

_But despite the lasso's kill, Team Frost doesn't appear all that impressed._

"This is nothing," Cyclops scoffs. "You threw that rope at, what, half a man who wasn't moving. Emma wouldn't even let you get within ten feet of you to use this thing."

"Plus, Jean adds, "who needs a silly rope when you can do this?"

Jean raises her hand and focuses her mind. After a few seconds, the gel torso's head explodes, sending gel and brain matter flying.

"WHOA-HO-HO!" Geoff cries.

"DAMN!" Max adds.

_But which close-in weapon will give its user the edge in battle?_

"I have to go with the Touch of Death," Desmoulin tells Geiger and Dr. Dorian. "While the lasso has a longer reach, its likelihood of a kill isn't as great as the Touch of Death."

"Agreed," replies Geiger. "Plus, Wonder Woman might not expect the Touch of Death coming from her opponent. The lasso can be seen and avoided. Edge, Emma Frost."

_For close-range weapons, the edge goes to Emma Frost for the Touch of Death. But this match is only getting started, as our experts pull out their respective heroine's medium-range weapons. And for Emma, this is her bread-and-butter:_

We see Emma staring in the face of an assailant. She smiles as the man, whose back is turned to the camera, points the pistol he's holding at his head and pulls the trigger.

_**Mind Control Powers**__: complete mental control that can force an adversary into doing anything one's heart desires._

Cyclops, Jean and the _DW_ guys are in front of a television monitor viewing a montage of people using mental-related powers.

"Well, from what we've seen so far, Emma can use her mental powers in close to make a deadly touch," Geoff reminds the viewers. "What can she do from a distance?"

"For one thing, she can use her mental powers to influence her target to do things," Jean says.

"So it's like hypnosis, then?" asks Max.

"Yes," Cyclops begins, "but you have to keep in mind that you can't force someone who's hypnotized to do something they wouldn't normally do. In _this_ weakened mental state, Emma's opponent can't refuse to do anything."

Geoff and Max now direct another ninja in a white tunic into the arena. Cyclops stands at the ready with a device that resembles a megaphone.

_To test how Emma's mind control powers might work, our experts use a live target and the next-best thing to Emma's powers—a portable mind control ray._

"Ready, Cyclops?" Desmoulin asks.

"Ready," Cyclops replies.

"Three, two, one—ZAP HIM!"

On Geoff's word, Cyclops points the mind control device at the ninja and pulls the trigger. The ninja gets a stunned look on his face, then his arms fall limp at his side.

"There you go," says Cyclops, gesturing toward the stunned ninja. "Have at him.

Dr. Dorian, Max and Geoff step toward the ninja cautiously and curiously, and then stand in front of him. Dr. Dorian waves a hand in front of his face, but the ninja only stands there.

"He's out," Dr. Dorian says.

"Go ahead, tell him to do something," says Cyclops.

Geoff looks at both of his buddies, and they all shrug. "Uh…stand on one leg," Geoff tries. The ninja lifts his left foot off the ground, balancing himself with his arms as he stands awkwardly on his right foot.

"Act like a chicken," Geiger suggests. As the guys begin to chuckle, the ninja places his fists in his armpits and starts flapping them up and down like wings as he starts "scratching" the ground with his feet.

"Do the Macarena!" barks Geoff. The guys laugh hysterically as the ninja gyrates to all the motions of the Los Del Rio-inspired dance.

_Once in an entranced state, Emma can force her victim to do anything and everything under the sun—including commit suicide._

"This is definitely going to be a game-changing weapon when we run the simulation," Geiger admits.

_But despite its ability to change the tide of a battle, our Wonder Woman experts are still optimistic._

"Diana's will is way too strong for mind control," Steve brags. "She will never fall to that kind of power."

_And Wonder Woman's medium-range weapon is just as unpredictable._

We see Wonder Woman taking her tiara off and throwing it off-camera. The camera then cuts to a man with the sharp points of the tiara in his throat, and he falls over.

_Wonder Woman's __**Tiara**__: a symbol of her royal lineage, which doubles as a deadly projectile weapon._

Wonder Girl, Steve and the _DW_ hosts are standing in front of a line of foam targets. Wonder Girl is holding Wonder Woman's tiara as she starts to explain how it works:

"This is Wonder Woman's tiara. She wears it as a symbol of her royal heritage, as the Princess of Themiscrya. And in addition, it also doubles as a throwing weapon."

"Well, we've seen our fair share of projectile weapons on the show," Geiger admits. "Care to give us a demonstration?"

"My pleasure," Wonder Girl replies.

The team is now standing about ten feet away from a giant slab of meat hanging from the ceiling, as Wonder Girl stands with a tiara at the ready.

_Our team has set up a piece of beef the same thickness as a person's neck for Wonder Girl to take aim at._

"Three, two, one—THROW IT!" Geoff shouts.

Wonder Girl tosses the golden tiara like a Frisbee at the hunk of meat. When the sharp-edged tiara makes contact, it slices about halfway into the meat, leaving one severed piece hanging off it.

"Let's go check it out," Max suggests.

_Was the wound inflicted by the razor-sharp tiara enough to kill?_

"Okay, you've cut this in half, which means you can cut a person's neck in half," Dr. Dorian states as he examines the meat. "When the neck's got a wound this big, a person will bleed out from it, because you've severed the carotid artery, which supplies blood to the brain. This person would die in about five minutes—basically, they're alive long enough to fight back for a while, but they'll eventually lose the blood flow to their brain, and they'll die."

"Granted, my aim's not like Diana's," Wonder Girl admits, "and she's a lot stronger than I am, so the tiara would be coming at the neck much faster."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa," Cyclops says, stopping her. "Nice try, but it looks like your little Frisbee just ain't enough. If Emma's going down, she won't go down without a fight."

_So who has the edge in medium-range weapons?_

"I'm giving my edge to Emma Frost," Geoff states. "The mind controlling abilities just give her way too many options. They could very well prove to be the reason Emma wins this match."

"I agree 100 percent," Max replies. "Edge to Emma's mind control abilities."

_For mid-range weapons, the edge goes to Emma Frost for her mind control powers. But this match-up is far from over—it's time to test each heroine's long-range weapons. And in Emma's case, this is yet another manifestation of her psychic abilities._

We see Emma firing a bolt of psychically charged energy at a man, hitting him in the stomach and knocking him out.

_**Mental Bolts**__: streams of psychic energy that can cut through human flesh like butter._

Max, Geoff and Dr. Dorian now stand outside on the barren firing range. Jean Grey is with them as she starts to explain how Emma uses this long-range weapon:

"Emma's major use of her psychic powers in battle is one that I also use from time to time—she focuses her mind, and out of her eyes, she blasts a high-powered beam of telekinetic energy."

"Yet another manifestation of mental powers," Geiger observes. "Emma's pretty much got it all covered with one weapon, huh?"

"Yes, sir," Jean replies. "Telekinesis can be used in many, many different ways."

_To test the power of the mental bolts, our team sets up a ballistics gel torso for Jean to take aim at with her own telekinetic powers._

Jean puts her arm out in front of her. She focuses her mind for a second or two, and then forms a ball of pink energy in her hand. After a few seconds, a bright beam of light shoots out of the ball like a lightning bolt, hitting the ballistics gel torso directly. When the light dies down, nothing but pieces of gel and organ remain where the torso once stood.

"WHOO-HOO-HOO!" Geoff shouts.

_The results of the mental bolts are absolutely brutal, but despite the carnage, Team Wonder Woman doesn't seem worried._

"You have to remember, though, Diana has armor…her bracelets," Steve reminds everyone. "They've been known to block oncoming bullets, and she's almost perfect at predicting where projectiles will hit, so she can definitely block these things."

"There's no way a silly bracelet could stop something of this magnitude," Jean rebuts. "Don't you see this guy? There's _nothing left_…"

"Wait till you see what we have in store for you…it'll blow you away," Wonder Girl warns.

"You really think a lousy bow and arrow can stand up to telepathy?" Cyclops asks, rolling his eyes. "Dream on…"

_Wonder Woman's long-range weapon is indeed much more primitive, but equally deadly in the right hands._

We see Wonder Woman firing two arrows at two attackers, hitting them both in the gut.

_The __**Bow & Arrow**__: an age-old weapon, infamous for its ability to cause death._

The _DW_ trio is still outside on the firing range, but this time, Steve Trevor joins them. Steve is holding a traditional-looking bow about half as tall as he is, and he begins to describe it:

"No Amazon in her right mind would be caught dead without one of these. This is the pride and joy of any Amazon warrior—they're trained at a young age to fire these puppies with pinpoint accuracy."

"And do they also cut off one of their breasts to have better aim with the bow?" Desmoulin asks, referencing the oft-told legend.

"That's actually an old wives' tale," Steve explains. "Diana tells me that she's never known of any Amazons that actually do that."

_Despite having an obstacle in the way of their shooting, many Amazons, including Wonder Woman, were incredibly accurate shooters. To demonstrate the bow's accuracy and killing power, our team has set up targets at varying distances for Steve, also a master of bow-shooting, to take aim at._

"All right, Steve, you've got sixty seconds to unload those arrows!" Desmoulin shouts. "We'll start the clock when you fire the first one!"

Steve pulls back on the drawstring of the bow and fires the arrow at the foam target, hitting it in its gut. He quickly loads another arrow and fires it, hitting another target in the chest. A few seconds later, after Steve has loaded and shot all eight arrows at the eight targets, the experts step in to assess the damage.

"Let's take a look at how deep these arrows went," says Dr. Dorian. He pulls one of the arrows out of the foam torso it hit, and there's blood up to about three inches of the arrow's length.

"About three inches…not bad," says Max.

"A general rule of thumb is that you need three inches of penetration to cause significant injury and death, so you've pretty much covered it," Dr. Dorian emphasizes. "This is a kill strike."

_But which heroine has the superior long-range weapon?_

"I have to go with the mental bolts in this one," Desmoulin informs the audience. "They may not have as far of a reach as the arrows, but they're much deadlier when they hit, and the chance that Wonder Woman can survive a hit from them is pretty unlikely. Edge, Emma."

_For long-range weapons, the edge goes to Emma Frost's mental bolt powers. But our Wonder Woman experts aren't giving up—it's time to unleash our heroines' most unique weapons of all. And for Emma, this involves the manipulation of her own body._

We see someone shooting at Emma, but Emma's body suddenly turns into a crystalline form, and the bullets bounce off her body.

_Emma's __**Diamond Form**__: a full-body shield that makes the White Queen impervious to attack._

The _DW_ guys and Jean are seen fitting Cyclops with a suit that looks like it's made of glass crystal.

"One of Emma's trump cards is that she can turn her body into a hard, diamond-shielded substance," Cyclops explains as the suit's breastpiece is placed on him. "She can't use her mental powers during that time, but she can still move around and everything."

"Isn't the fact that she can't use any telekinetic powers sort of a hindrance for her?" Geiger asks.

"No way," says Jean, shaking her head. "She's fully protected from any sort of attack."

_To prove that Emma's diamond state can repel attacks, Cyclops has been fitted with a suit with the same amount of strength and stopping power as Emma when her special ability is activated. Cyclops will be attacked by one of our trained ninjas._

"Ready, Cyclops?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Cyclops says from inside the armor.

"Ready, Inagi?" Geoff asks the ninja.

The white-clad ninja that was mind-controlled earlier gives Geoff a thumbs-up.

"Three, two, one—ATTACK!"

On Geoff's signal, the ninja swings his ninjato at Cyclops. The blade makes a loud clang as it makes contact with the diamond suit, which holds firm. The ninja slashes and hacks at Cyclops, and after a few seconds, he finally lets up.

"Looks good from here," says Geoff, inspecting the armor for damage from a distance. "But let's get a closer look…"

_Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage done._

"Okay, this looks good," Dr. Dorian affirms. "I can see a few marks where the sword made contact, but other than that, there's no damage here—there's not even any trauma under the suit."

"Impressive," Geoff remarks. "If Emma can block hits like that, I think she's got a very good chance of winning this fight."

_But our Wonder Woman experts beg to differ. They believe that Wonder Woman may have one weapon that can stand up to Emma's mental powers and armor._

We see Wonder Woman blocking a blow from a criminal with a large sword, then slashing the criminal across the belly with it.

_The __**Sword of Hephaestus**__: a legendary blade sharp enough to cut the electrons off an atom._

Steve Trevor and the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts are standing in another part of the building as Steve starts to explain the sword's potential:

"Gentlemen, I give you the legendary Sword of Hephaestus. This was hand-forged by the god of fire and metalwork."

"Looks like a nasty weapon, Steve," Desmoulin remarks.

"Oh, it is," Trevor replies. "This thing was blessed by Zeus himself, and it's got an edge sharp enough to cut straight through a person."

"Now _that's_ something we can test," Max says.

Steve is now standing inside a circle of about eight pig carcasses hanging from the ceiling.

_Steve will demonstrate the sword's sharpness on the closest thing to human flesh: pig carcasses. Steve will have five seconds to cut through as many pigs as possible._

"Are you ready, Steve?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Steve replies.

"Three, two, one…HACK 'EM UP!"

On Geoff's signal, Steve slices one pig diagonally through the midsection, cleanly cutting it in half. He takes aim at another pig, cutting it in half as well. He continues hacking through the pigs until time is called, and the experts step in to assess the damage.

"Okay, we've seen some impressive swords before, but I think this one tops them _all_," Dr. Dorian admits. "You've cut completely through about five pigs here…there's really nothing else I can say about this. The carnage speaks for itself."

_But our Emma Frost team isn't buying it._

"Sure, if your opponent is unarmed, it's great, but if Emma's protected by her diamond state, that sword won't do jack sh**," Cyclops argues.

"This was blessed by the Greek gods, buddy," Trevor points out.

"In the first place, I'm a Protestant," Cyclops explains. "Second place, _nothing_ can cut through a diamond."

_Our experts disagree, but for Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian, it's a no-brainer._

"No question about it: the Sword of Hephaestus gets the edge," Desmoulin tells Geiger. "I've never seen a sword that can do that much damage in such a short amount of time."

"Agreed," says Geiger. "If Emma doesn't take advantage of her diamond state, one swipe from that sword will be all she wrote. Edge, Wonder Woman."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Wonder Woman for the Sword of Hephaestus._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested on this episode.

_The testing is now complete. Max will now load all the data into a battle simulation program that will determine the winner._

**Close-range weapons edge: Emma Frost, for the Touch of Death  
****Medium-range weapons edge: Emma Frost, for mind control powers  
****Long-range weapons edge: Emma Frost, for mental bolts  
****Special weapons edge: Wonder Woman, for the Sword of Hephaestus**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times._

"I think it could go either way in this one," Max tells Geoff and Dr. Dorian nearby. "The only thing left to do is to fire up the simulation and run it."

"Do it, then," suggests Geoff.

Max presses a button on the computer, and the entire screen becomes like a scene from _The Matrix_, which eventually transitions to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The battle takes on the island of Themiscrya, where we find Wonder Woman silently meditating in a moss-laden clearing. The Amazon princess takes a deep breath as she listens to the peaceful sounds of nature around her. Unknown to Wonder Woman, however, Emma Frost is watching her from behind a large tree, and her intentions do not look good. Smirking, Emma's eyes glow faintly as she prepares a bolt of mental energy to fire at Wonder Woman, but she carelessly snaps a twig off the tree as she leans on it. Wonder Woman hears the noise, and sees something move out of the corner of her eye. She gets up off the rock she's been meditating on and furtively scans the area, suspicious that what made the noise could be of hostile intent. Suddenly, a bolt of energy zooms out of nowhere and strikes Wonder Woman in the left arm. Wonder Woman flinches in pain as Emma Frost emerges from behind the tree, smiling sadistically. Wonder Woman takes her tiara off her head and throws it at Emma, but Emma dodges the thrown crown and fires another mental bolt at Wonder Woman. However, Wonder Woman sees it coming and deflects it with one of her bracelets. Wonder Woman grabs a bow hidden behind the rock she was sitting on and loads an arrow into it. As Emma tries to escape, Wonder Woman fires the arrow, catching the fleeing telepath in the back of the thigh. Emma shouts in pain, and looks back to pull the arrow out of her leg, only to see Wonder Woman loading up another arrow. Emma leaps into the clearing, where the two ladies come face-to-face. Wonder Woman fires her loaded arrow at Emma, but Emma is enveloped with a bright light before emerging in her diamond form, and the arrow simply bounces off her chest. Wonder Woman pulls out her Lasso of Truth as Emma rushes toward her, and then masterfully throws the rope at Emma, ensnaring the White Queen. Wonder Woman pulls Emma in close and starts to retrieve the Sword of Hephaestus from her side, but Emma suddenly emerges from her diamond state and looks Wonder Woman in the eye as her own eyes start glowing. Wonder Woman's mouth opens as she gets a stunned look on her face. "Free me," Emma says. The mind-controlled Wonder Woman does as she is told, undoing the lasso from around Emma's waist. Emma chuckles as she holds up her gloved hand and aims a wave of telekinetic energy at the entranced Wonder Woman's skull. Now snapped out of her trance, Wonder Woman screams in agony, clutching her skull as she runs off, up to the edge of a nearby rocky outcropping. After watching Wonder Woman flail about for a few seconds with sadistic glee, Emma flies up to the rock ledge, smiling as she pulls off her gloves in preparation for the Touch of Death. Emma closes in on her adversary and stands beside Wonder Woman, who is on her knees at the edge of the outcropping. Emma reaches out to her, but as the camera zooms in on her face, Emma suddenly gasps. The smile on Emma's face immediately turns to a look of shock as she slowly looks down to see that Wonder Woman has thrust her Sword of Hephaestus into Emma's stomach. Wonder Woman pulls the sword out, causing blood to spill over the rock, and Emma also coughs up a massive amount of blood as she clutches her abdomen and looks at Wonder Woman with fear in her eyes. Wonder Woman kicks Emma off the side of the rock and onto the grass below. After looking off the edge of the outcropping at her dead adversary, Wonder Woman raises her blood-stained sword in the air and yells in triumph.

**Winner: Wonder Woman**

"When I ran the simulation, Wonder Woman emerged victorious a little over 55% of the time," Geiger explains. "The deciding factor in this match was her Sword of Hephaestus—it scored over half of her total kills, and it was the primary reason Wonder Woman was to successfully defeat Emma Frost and her devastating mental powers."

_Even with her sword, it was close—Wonder Woman scored 552 kills out of 1,000._

**Wonder Woman Kills: 552  
**Lasso of Truth: 31  
Tiara: 45  
Bow & Arrow: 124  
Sword of Hephaestus: 352

_Emma Frost claimed 448 kills. Her best weapons were her mental bolts, but even they weren't enough to destroy Wonder Woman._

**Emma Frost Kills: 448  
**Touch of Death: 154  
Mind Control Powers: 133  
Mental Bolts: 161  
Diamond Form: 0

"I knew it would be close," Desmoulin admits, "but in the end, superior close-range weaponry that could get through armor decided this battle. I'm not at all surprised that Wonder Woman took this.

"There was never any doubt," Steve says, smiling at his girlfriend's victory. "Diana is the best there is, and the best there ever will be."

"To be honest, I don't really care that Emma lost," Jean says nonchalantly. "I hate her guts…"

"Surely you don't mean that…" says Cyclops as he appears behind her.

Jean glares back at Cyclops. "You want me to bring up the telepathic affair again, mister?"

Cyclops looks down at the floor, frowning and blushing ashamedly.

We see Wonder Woman standing on top of a ledge, her long hair blowing in the wind. She lifts her right fist in the air in victory as the episode comes to a close.

Chapter 5 is done, and DC takes a commanding lead of 4-2. In our next chapter, we venture back into the villain's realm, when two sinister mercenaries from opposite universes pull out all the stops against one another. Due to numerous requests, our next episode will feature the merciless Deathstroke the Terminator taking on the Merc with the Mouth, Deadpool! Don't miss it!


	7. Chapter 7: Deathstroke vs Deadpool

***NOTE: **I don't own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel, or DC—boy, I wish I did, though. All names used here, with the exceptions of the three men from _Deadliest Warrior_, are purely fictional, and belong to their creators. If you have any questions or suggestions for fights, send them in to me—I personally read every one, folks. Now, without any further ado, here it is—the match you've all been asking for. :-)

All statements by the All-Seeing Narrator (AKA the truly awesome David Wenham) are in_ ITALICS._

**Deadliest Villain: Deathstroke vs. Deadpool**

As the show begins, we see a tall man wearing a black-and-orange ninja-like outfit, accentuated with patches of armor. He glares at the camera through a black-and-orange mask that only has one eyehole.

_Deathstroke the Terminator: the deadly assassin-for-hire whose brutality and complete lack of mercy for his opponents are legendary._

We see Deathstroke kicking a man in the stomach, sending him back, then shooting him in the head with a pistol.

We now see another man wearing a similar ninja-like outfit, only his is red-and-black. He holds two katanas crossed in front of his face, then draws them away to reveal a red-and-black mask covering his face.

_Deadpool: the maniacal mercenary-for-hire whose mental instability and regenerative properties are the stuff of legends._

We see Deadpool stabbing an attacker with one of his katanas before turning around and shooting another with a submachine gun.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of numerous comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the villains' most lethal weapons. Using 21__st__-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two villains went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Supervillain vs. supervillain. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST VILLAIN!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves back in the all-too-familiar fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club. In this high-tech, state-of-the-art battle zone where comic book characters meet the real world, we've gathered scientists, doctors, weapons experts, and some of the deadliest weapons of all time. It's all to create a virtual battle between two legendary mercenaries: Deathstroke the Terminator, the heartless mercenary who has crossed swords with the Teen Titans, Batman, and many other heroes, versus Deadpool, the mentally unstable anti-heroic mercenary with a mouth to match his battle expertise._

**Deathstroke Stats  
**Real name: Slade Wilson  
Ht: 6'4"  
Wt: 225 lbs  
Gear: 26 lbs  
Armor: Promethium  
Superpowers: Enhanced strength and mental abilities, regenerative properties

**Deadpool Stats  
**Real name: Wade Wilson  
Ht: 6'2"  
Wt: 210 lbs  
Gear: 19 lbs  
Armor: None  
Superpowers: Superhuman strength, regenerative properties

_Biomedical scientist Geoff Desmoulin will use high-tech equipment to analyze each weapon._

"I'm super psyched about this match-up," declares Desmoulin. "I'm gonna get to bring all my equipment to test the weapons of two of the most bad-ass mercenaries in comic book history; Deathstroke and Deadpool. It's gonna be awesome."

_UFC and E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will examine each strike to measure their killing potential._

"Based on what I see from each weapon, I'll be telling you what wounds a person could walk away from, and which would actually kill someone," Dr. Dorian explains.

_And computer whiz Max Geiger will load the data into the computer simulation that will determine the winner._

"Today, we've got two guys who are eerily similar," Max explains. "Deathstroke and Deadpool have similar fighting styles, similar superpowers—even similar names. But today, only one will walk out of this computer-simulated battle alive."

We now see a nerdy-looking young man with frizzled black hair and thick glasses. He's firing a pistol at several targets on the walls.

_Representing Deadpool: his best friend and tech-support, Jack "Weasel" Hammer. Weasel has known Deadpool for years, and has supplied him with most of his weapons._

"Deadpool is a sadistic, unpredictable individual, and that's precisely why he's so dangerous," says Weasel. "He will shoot you in the head just for looking at him cross-eyed..."

We now see a man in a yellow-and-black uniform and "eared" mask. He bares his teeth as he slashes the air with a katana.

_Also representing Deadpool: Wolverine. The man they call Logan has crossed paths with Deadpool before, and even almost lost his life to Wade on one occasion._

"Deadpool ain't just some crazy man who picked up a gun an' decided ta' go ta' town with it," Wolverine says. "He's a trained killer with an eye fer blood."

_Wade Wilson was originally a sniper and mercenary for a secret government agency before being diagnosed with cancer. Originally thought to be incurable, Wade received controversial treatments for his ailment. The treatments cured his cancer, but unfortunately, they also left him severely disfigured and warped his mind. However, he gained an insanely powerful healing factor, which has been incredibly helpful for him in the past._

"There's no chance in hell that Deathstroke will walk away from this fight in one piece," Weasel affirms the viewers. "Deadpool's gonna destroy the guy with a smile on his face."

_But according to our Deathstroke experts, the man known as Slade will be the one victorious in this battle._

We now see a young girl with white hair wearing a black ninja-like outfit. She points a large broadsword at the camera.

_Representing Deathstroke: his daughter, Rose Wilson. Despite the fact that her father hasn't been a part of her life very much, Rose knows Deathstroke's fighting skills and abilities well._

"My father is one of the deadliest men on this planet," says Rose. "He's not one to be tangled with."

We now see a man in a green suit, hat, and necktie covered with question-marks. He's holding a nasty-looking submachine gun.

_Also fighting for Deathstroke: the Riddler. One of Batman's archrivals, Riddler has employed Deathstroke's services in some of his schemes—even though he was nearly killed by Deathstroke on one occasion._

"Riddle me this," begins the Riddler, "why is Deathstroke so deadly? It's because he is a professional when it comes to maiming, destroying, and killing."

_Originally a soldier, Slade Wilson volunteered to be a guinea pig for a government-funded experiment by the U.S. Army to create the ultimate fighting soldier. While the experiment was a success, Slade ultimately deserted the army and became a ruthless mercenary. Using cold, calculating prowess, his enhanced healing capabilities, and highly evolved strength, Deathstroke has proven a formidable adversary for many of DC's finest heroes._

"There's a reason my father is known as 'Deathstroke'", says Rose. "He's cold, calculating, and shows no mercy. It's going to be a massacre—some cheap imitation like Deadpool will not beat the original."

_These two mercenaries are very similar, but how would they fare up in a head-to-head battle to the death? Our experts couldn't be more divided._

"I'm giving it all to Deadpool in this one," says Geoff eagerly. "Not only is he more bad-ass, but his healing factor is superior, and he has access to more lethal firearms and close-in weapons. I think the Merc's gonna take this one."

"My initial edge goes to Deathstroke," says Max matter-of-factly. "In addition to his fighting skills, he's also smarter, and has more experience than Deadpool. That being said, it's probably going to be close."

_Both mercenaries have several things in common. For one thing, they both use the most powerful and advanced firearms. And for Deadpool, nothing provides death better than:_

We see Deadpool walking into a building and going to town on several people with an assault rifle.

_The __**MAC-10 Submachine Gun**__: a deadly accurate mid-range monster._

Weasel and the _Deadliest Warrior_ team are now standing in front of a table with Deadpool's weapons on it. Weasel holds the MAC-10 as he explains the weapon's benefits:

"This bad boy is one of the most powerful weapons in Deadpool's arsenal. It's all-American, and he doesn't use anything that isn't made in America."

"We've tested the MAC-10 before," Geoff recalls, "but why don't you remind us of its properties."

"Glad to," Weasel obliges. "It weighs about six pounds, so it's relatively light. It fires .45 ACP bullets—about a thousand a minute—and it can hit from about 200 feet.

"Okay, why don't we go test it out?" Max suggests.

"Let's do," Weasel agrees.

_The team and our experts head out to the firing range, where Weasel will demonstrate the lethal power of the MAC-10. While being timed, Weasel will have to take down five targets positioned at varying distances._

As Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian stand behind the protective shield, Weasel is out in the open with the five foam torsos in front of him.

"Are you ready, Weasel?" Geoff asks.

"Damn straight!" Weasel replies.

"On three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Weasel opens fire with the MAC-10, hitting the first two targets in the chest and head with a flurry of bullets. He rushes out about five feet and fires at the third and fourth targets, riddling them with shells as well. He aims at the final target for a few seconds, and destroys it with a few more well-placed bullets. The whole process takes about thirty seconds.

"Yeah!" Geiger cheers.

"Nice job, man," Desmoulin says, "you hit 'em all in about thirty seconds!"

_But was Weasel accurate enough to kill all his targets? Dr. Dorian steps in to analyze the damage._

"Okay, no need to analyze these first two," says Dr. Dorian as he examines the blood-soaked targets. "You've pretty much cut this first guy in half with bullets, and the other guy doesn't have a head anymore…they're both goners. Guy number three…two shots through the heart, three more in the gut, so this guy's also dead. The fourth guy has a bullet through his head and another five or six in his chest—he's dead, too. And let's see…the fifth guy has two shots through his heart, two through his face, one in the liver—that's five targets killed. Nice job."

_An impressive display, but our Deathstroke experts don't seem impressed._

"Quite the demonstration, young man," the Riddler admits, "but you were quite slow in taking your shots. Deathstroke has a weapon that can fire in much shorter time…"

We see Deathstroke shooting three people with an equally nasty-looking gun.

_The __**PM-84 Glauberyt Submachine Gun**__: a Polish weapon that hits harder than a goulash dinner._

Riddler and the _DW _hosts are still out on the firing range, and a small arsenal of guns stands behind them. Riddler is holding the PM-84 as he explains how it works:

"This weapon will prove the undoing of Mr. Wade Wilson if I have anything to say about it…"

"Why don't you tell us how it works?" Geoff suggests.

"My pleasure, gentlemen," replies Riddler. "It can fire a 9x18 cartridge approximately 150 feet, it's very accurate, and as you can see, it's quite lightweight and easy to carry."

"Can you back all your talk up with a little target practice?" Geoff asks.

"Of course…I shall 'riddle' them with bullets!" The Riddler begins laughing maniacally, and over the course of several seconds, the others slowly back away from him in fear.

Riddler is now on the same target range Weasel was earlier, and the five targets have been replaced with fresh ones. Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian watch him from behind the glass shield.

"Are you ready, Riddler?" Desmoulin asks.

"Indeed I am!" the Riddler replies, aiming the gun at one of the targets.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

Riddler takes aim at the first target and fires several bullets recklessly toward it. He then hits the second target with a few more bullets before taking aim at the third and fourth targets, spraying them with shots as well. He doesn't bother to go in closer to the final target, though—he just shoots it from a distance, and it isn't clear whether he hit the target or not. However, he took nearly half the time Weasel needed to hit his targets.

"All right, that's eighteen seconds," Desmoulin shouts. "You beat Weasel's time and then some, Riddler!"

_The gun is certainly faster, but are all the shots kills? Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage._

"Okay, looking at these first two, you've pretty much hit them sufficiently enough to kill," Dr. Dorian observes. "They've got shots in their heads and chests that nobody could walk away from. Next guy, you've shot him in the gut, mostly. While this would be painful, he's not gonna die right away, so he could still fight back. Guy #4—a lot of shots to the chest, one to the head as well—this is a kill. And the last guy looks like he has nothing on him—not a good sign."

"So three kills, one wounded, and one unscathed…" Desmoulin says.

"Well, well…" Weasel says, mocking the Riddler. "Looks like all your talk was a lotta hot air. I took out every one of my guys…"

"Blah, blah, blah," the Riddler responds. "The bottom line is, I hit my targets faster."

_But which submachine gun takes the edge?_

"While it may be a little slower, the MAC-10 was the more accurate weapon, and it has higher-caliber bullets," Desmoulin tells the viewers. "In this case, I've gotta give my edge to the MAC-10."

_For long-range weapons, the edge goes to Deadpool for the MAC-10. But this match is just starting to get hot, as both mercenaries pull out their most explosive weapons next. For Deadpool, this is a weapon that is as cheap as it is explosive:_

We see Deadpool pulling the pin on an egg-shaped grenade and throwing it.

_The __**F1 Grenade**__: a deadly explosive that dates back to World War I._

Weasel is outside on the firing range with Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian. He explains to the guys the workings of the grenade:

"What we have here is a standard F1 grenade, commonly called the "egg grenade". It was developed in Russia about a hundred years ago, and the standard design hasn't changed much over the years."

"Keeping it simple, right?" Geoff asks. Weasel nods in response.

"Well, let's see what it can do," Max suggests.

The team and Wolverine are now positioned behind a protective glass barrier, and several yards away, Weasel stands outside a small one-room building with an F1 grenade in his hand.

_The target will be a small, makeshift building with three dummies rigged with pressure sensors inside. If the pressure sensors are activated, it means the grenade has scored a kill._

"Weasel, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"Oh yeah!" Weasel screams.

"Three, two, one—THROW IT!"

Weasel pulls the pin on the grenade and throws it through the window into the structure. He then runs back to where Geoff and the others are, and they wait. About five seconds later, the grenade detonates.

"WHOO!" Geoff cheers as the walls of the structure cave inward onto the fallen dummies.

"Boom goes the dynamite!" Max exclaims.

_A nasty blast…but is it enough to kill?_

"Let's take a look at this first dummy," says Geoff as he examines the wreckage. "The patch is tripped, and there's frag all over this guy's gut. He's definitely dead. Second guy—he's pretty clean, but the patch is tripped—the shock wave got him, so that's another kill. And the last guy—I don't see any frag in him, and the patch isn't tripped. Two kills and one survivor…"

"He's the luckiest bastard in the world, then," Weasel growls.

_Despite the grenade's destructive power, Team Deathstroke isn't all that impressed._

"Riddle me this," the Riddler begins, "how many people does it take to recover from this and fight back once the shock wears off? Answer: one! That's how many survivors you've failed to kill with this shoddy grenade!"

"Indeed," Rose adds. "My father will never go down to something as meager as _this_…"

_And Deathstroke carries a handheld grenade that our experts claim is much more deadly…_

We see Deathstroke pulling the pin on a spherical grenade, then chucking it into a room, where it explodes.

_The __**M67 Grenade**__: a shrapnel-filled grenade that packs a powerful punch._

Still outside, we see Riddler holding the M67 grenade as he tells the _DW_ team what it can do:

"Big things come in small packages, as you know—this weighs just under one pound, it has an effective blast range of approximately ten feet, and it's a very modern design, as you can see."

"Well, it's certainly more modern, but let's see if it can stack up to the F1 grenade," Max says.

Riddler now stands outside a structure just like Weasel did with the F1 grenade before. Geoff, Matt and Dr. Dorian stand behind the protective glass along with Rose.

"Ready, Riddler?" Desmoulin asks.

"Of course!" replies the villain.

"Three, two, one—THROW IT!"

On Geoff's word, Riddler pulls the pin from the grenade and chucks it into the window, then runs for cover. A few seconds later, the grenade detonates, and a few pieces of the plywood walls go flying.

"YEAH!" Geoff cheers as what's left of the structure caves in on itself.

_But how did the M67 stack up to the destruction caused by the F1?_

"Let's take a look at these guys," Geoff says as he examines what used to be a foam dummy. "This one has a lot of fragmentation in his chest, and the patch is also tripped. This is a kill. Second guy…no frag, but the patch is tripped, so the shock wave got him. And the third guy…he looks pretty clean, but again, the patch is tripped. Three kills out of three."

"Two kills with the F1 grenade; three kills with the M67…" Geiger observes.

"Yeah, but _our_ grenade released a lot more shrapnel," Weasel argues.

"It doesn't matter—our grenade killed all our targets!" Rose rebuts.

"I'm gonna have to go with Rose here," Geoff agrees. "I have to give the edge to the grenade that has the most killing potential."

"Agreed…edge, M67," Max seconds.

_For explosive weapons, the edge goes to Deathstroke's M67 grenade. But as any comic book fan will tell you, Deathstroke and Deadpool are deadliest in-close. And Deadpool's favorite weapons he uses?_

We see Deadpool training in an abandoned building with his two signature swords.

_**Twin Katanas**__: razor-sharp dealers of death._

Wolverine holds the two katanas in his hands as he explains to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian about them:

"These here are Deadpool's pride an' joy. They're real lightweight an' easy to carry, an' they're sharp enough to cut straight through a damn body."

"We can actually test that…" Geoff says.

Wolverine is now shown in another part of the fight club, where numerous pigs are stacked up in two piles in front of him.

_To test the katanas, we're using the closest thing to human tissue—pig flesh. Sensors on the swords will test the power and speed of the weapons._

"Ready, Wolverine?" Geoff asks.

"I was born ready…" Wolverine hisses.

"Three, two, one—SLICE 'EM!"

Wolverine takes one katana from a sheath at his side and yells as he slices through one pile of pig carcasses. The sword goes cleanly through two of them, and cuts about halfway through the one underneath them. Wolverine unsheathes the second sword, and brings it down on the second pile of pigs with another battle cry, this time slicing all the way through three of them.

"Whoa!" Max exclaims.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Geoff cheers.

_Close inspection reveals that one katana sliced cleanly through two pigs, and the other sliced through three._

"These readings show that you hit those pigs at about 55 feet per second," says Geoff as he looks over the readings from the sensors. "That's roughly equivalent to jumping out a window on one of those swords."

"Told 'ya, didn't I…" Wolverine smugly replies.

_But despite the katanas' power, our Deathstroke experts aren't impressed._

"Yes, the katanas are powerful, but look at the size of them!" Rose says. "My father carries a blade at least twice as large as one of these."

We see Deathstroke stabbing a man clear through with a very large sword.

_The __**Promethium Broadsword**__: a powerful blade custom-made for murder._

Rose is holding the sword as she explains to the _Deadliest Warrior_ team its benefits:

"This is the exact same sword my father uses. It's made of one of the strongest materials on earth, promethium; just like his armor."

"Well, it's certainly bigger than Deadpool's two katanas put together," Max observes, "but let's test it out and see if bigger, in this case, really is better."

Rose steps up to a hanging pig carcass as she awaits Geoff's signals.

"Okay, high-speed's up—ready, Rose?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Rose replies.

"Three, two, one—SLICE IT!"

Rose lets out a battle cry as she swings the broadsword at the pig, cutting it in two. She swings at the half-carcass that's still hanging from the wire, cutting it in two as well. She keeps swinging the sword at what's still suspended, hacking off pieces of flesh and bone that fly everywhere.

"HOLY SH**!" Geoff cries.

"DAMN!" Max adds.

_The broadsword does incredible damage, cutting through the pig not once, but multiple times, just like the katanas._

"That's about 20 feet per second," Geoff explains, examining the data from the test. "Not as fast as the katana, but the weight behind the sword more than makes up for it!"

_Both swords are undoubtedly deadly, but which one takes the edge?_

"I'm completely torn here," Geoff tells his fellow hosts. "On one hand, the katanas are fast, plus, Deadpool has two of them. On the other hand, that broadsword is absolutely vicious. I'm not sure who to give the edge to…"

"I completely agree," Geiger replies. "Both swords have the capability to do massive damage. I'd call it a draw, and then some."

_For close-range weapons, neither side gets the edge. But this match is only starting to get nasty, as our mercenaries pull out their sniper rifles. As for Deathstroke, he prefers a gun favored by many an American police force:_

We see Deathstroke shooting a passerby from a building window with a lightweight sniper rifle.

_The __**Remington 700 Sniper Rifle**__: able to blast a hole through the front of a skull in a fraction of a second._

The gang is back outside as Rose holds the Remington sniper rifle. Wolverine and Weasel are also close by.

"This is the standard-use sniper rifle for the U.S. Army," Rose explains. "It's actually two weapons in one—the gun itself is a standard M24 rifle, and on top here is a telescopic sight which lets the bullet travel _much_ farther."

"How would Deadpool counter something like this, Wolverine?" Geoff asks the Marvel hero.

"Oh, he's got his ways…" Wolverine replies.

We see Deadpool blasting a man in the head from a distance with his own sniper rifle.

_The __**M25 Marksman Rifle**__: designed to blow a hole in a person's head from half a mile away._

Wolverine is now holding the M25 as he explains to the guys how it works:

"This rifle's used by the U.S. military, too…it was used first back in th' Gulf War, and they've used it ever since. An' just like that one, this here is just a modified version of a simple M14 rifle."

"And it's damn accurate, too," Weasel adds.

_To test the power and accuracy of both sniper rifles, our team has set up three targets at various distances. Wolverine and Rose will shoot at each target once. Rose is up first with Deathstroke's Remington sniper rifle._

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's signal, Rose aims the Remington at the first target, positioned about 1500 feet away, and fires, hitting it squarely in the head. The next target is about 3000 feet away, and Rose manages to hit it in the head as well. The third and final target is positioned a full mile away, and while Rose doesn't hit it in the head, she amazingly manages to put the bullet through the target's stomach.

"Whoo!" Geoff cheers.

"Every one, right on the nose!" declares Max.

_Rose hit every one of the targets. Can Wolverine do the same with the M25 Marksman rifle?_

"Alright, Wolverine," Geoff begins, "three, two, one—FIRE!"

Wolverine fires at the closest target, hitting it right between the eyes. The second shot he fires hits the 3,000-foot target in the side of the head as well. He takes aim with his last shot at the final mile-away target—but doesn't hit it.

"Alright, nice job!" Geoff congratulates Wolverine.

_Geoff and Max look over the results._

"Well, it turns out that Rose hit all three of her targets with her rifle," Geoff says. "But Wolverine only hit two of the three targets—the one positioned a mile away was unscathed."

"I was aimin' for the damn head," Wolverine argues. "So sue me…"

_Wolverine may back up his talk well, but for our experts, it's an easy call._

"I have to go with the weapon that can hit from a longer distance," Desmoulin tells Geiger & Dr. Dorian, "so I've gotta give it to the Remington."

"Agreed," says Geiger. "The guy who can score the first hit might not kill the other guy in this particular fight, but the one that scores the first hit will definitely have an advantage. Edge goes to Deathstroke here."

_For very long-range weapons, the edge goes to Deathstroke's Remington 700 sniper rifle. But assault and sniper rifles aren't the only firearms these two carry—pistols also play an important role in their line of work. And Deathstroke's favorite sidearm?_

We see Deathstroke firing a nasty-looking pistol at a group of people at night.

_The __**Makarov Pistol**__: a Russian-made semi-automatic nightmare._

Everyone is now back inside the fight club. Riddler is holding the Makarov as he explains to the guys and Weasel how it works:

"Gentlemen, this weapon could possibly be the best sidearm money can buy. It was developed in Russia about sixty years ago, and still remains a powerful choice of many a country."

"Well, the Makarov has always done well in our tests," Max recalls. "Weasel, what does Deadpool have to counter it?"

"Only one of the best damn pistols ever made…" Weasel boasts.

We now see Deadpool firing a slightly smaller pistol at a man at point-blank range.

_The __**Sig-Sauer P220 Pistol**__: a favorite weapon of police forces the world over._

Weasel holds the Sig-Sauer as he explains to the _Deadliest Warrior_ guys its benefits:

"This weapon isn't like the Makarov in that it's recoil-operated. It's durable, accurate, and very lightweight."

"Looks like we have two pretty damn good-looking pistols," Geoff admits. "What say we go test 'em out?"

Geoff and Dr. Dorian move some foam torsos into place and ready for the pistol test.

_Each team will get a round of six bullets, which they will use to take out three targets. First up: the Riddler, with Deathstroke's Makarov pistol._

Riddler stands in front of the three targets with the Russian-made pistol.

"Are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"My answer is: yes!" the Riddler brags.

"On three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, the Riddler fires the Makarov at the mannequins, two shots at each one. When he's done, all three targets have one shot in their head and a second in their chest or stomach.

"Nice shooting!" Desmoulin comments.

_Dr. Dorian steps in to analyze the killing power of the shots._

"Just by looking at all three of these guys, I can tell they'd all be dead," says Dr. Dorian as he examines the torsos. "All three shot once in the head…the results speak for themselves."

_A tough act to follow, but can Weasel match it with the Sig-Sauer?_

Weasel stands at the ready with the Sig-Sauer P220.

"Ready, Weasel?" Geoff asks.

"You know it!" Weasel replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

Weasel opens fire at all three targets, hitting each one with one headshot and one gut shot. When he's done, the results look very similar to that of the Makarov.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Geoff cheers.

_But are the shots enough to kill?_

"There's no question—you've shot all three of these guys in the head," Dr. Dorian states. "This one over here even took a shot directly in the soft palate, up into the brainstem. Every one is an instant kill."

_So which pistol gets the edge?_

"I'm tempted to call it even here—both pistols are highly accurate, very deadly, and incredibly quick-firing," Dr. Dorian admits.

"The only thing is that the Sig-Sauer can hold a few more bullets," Geoff says, "but that might or might not make a difference."

"It's very close," says Max, "so why not let the computer decide?"

_Max loads the data into the computer. It's a very close call, but the edge goes to Deadpool for the Sig-Sauer P226 pistol. But there's still one more thing to consider: the special weapons carried by each mercenary. And for Deathstroke, nothing is better in-close than:_

We see Deathstroke blocking a shot from a sword-wielding man with a large staff, then hitting him in the head with it.

_The __**Hanbō Staff**__: perfect for deflecting blows—or causing them._

Everyone is back inside the fight club. Rose is holding Deathstroke's staff as she explains to Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian about it:

"My father is very skilled at using this weapon. He's been trained in several Japanese martial arts, including that of hanbōjutsu."

"What exactly is this staff made of?" Geiger asks.

"Oak wood, with a bit of maple as well," Rose replies. "It's very durable, and lasts a long time."

_To test the staff, Rose will use a ballistics gel torso with the same resistance as human flesh and bone._

"Ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"Yes, sir!" Rose says, taking aim at the torso with the staff.

"Three, two, one—HIT IT!"

Rose swings the staff at the torso's head, breaking the skull underneath the gel. She keeps swinging the staff at it until the torso begins to start bleeding from various places, and the skin pops open in various places. After a few seconds, she lets up, and the torso is barely recognizable. Dr. Dorian steps in to assess the damage.

"All right!" Desmoulin cheers.

"Very nice!" Max congratulates Rose.

"No need to question this—this is definitely a kill," says Dr. Dorian. "Once that skull is fractured inward and you start bleeding from the brain like this, you're dead."

_But our Deadpool team doesn't seem all that impressed._

"You're actually bringin' a silly stick to this fight?" Wolverine says, mocking Rose. "Yer dad ain't got a chance…"

"Plus, how much does that thing weigh—ten, fifteen pounds?" Weasel asks. "Wade's weapon is ten times lighter—and he has _two_ of 'em!"

_Deadpool has not one, but two weapons for getting up close and personal:_

We see Deadpool stabbing a man in the head and gut with two sharp dagger-like weapons.

_The __**Sai**__: an ancient Japanese gardening tool modified for death._

The _Deadliest Warrior_ cast is now in a different part of the fight club as Wolverine tells them all about the twin sai:

"These here are a couple-a' weapons the Merc uses all the time. They're real lightweight, plus there's two of 'em, so ya' can stab with one while ya' block with the other one, for example."

"Well, why don't we see just how good those things are?" Max suggests.

"You got it," replies Wolverine.

_Wolverine will use the two sai on the closest thing to human flesh: a pig carcass._

"Wolverine, are you ready?" Desmoulin asks.

"Yeah!" Wolverine growls as he prepares to stab the pig with the sai.

"Three, two, one—STAB IT!"

Wolverine takes the sai and jabs them into the anchored pig with great force, grunting as he pulls them out. There are three holes where each sai made contact, and blood begins pouring out of these holes. Wolverine keeps stabbing the pig until it's filled with holes and covered with blood. Dr. Dorian steps forward to analyze damage.

"Yeah!" Desmoulin cheers.

"Pork chops!" Geiger cries.

"Okay, I lost count at about the twentieth stab you made on this pig," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the carcass, "but I can safely say this is probably a kill. Some of these holes go straight into vital organs like the lungs, which would puncture them and make it very hard to breathe. Then there's these holes in the chest here, which went right through the heart—all these shots together would probably equal a kill."

"The sai seem like a cumbersome weapon, though," remarks Rose. "You had some trouble pulling it out, remember?"

"Well, they ain't a set of adamantium claws, I'll give ya' that," says Wolverine, "but I'll take these things over a silly stick any day…"

_Staff or sai—which one will give its user the edge?_

"While Deathstroke _can_ block blows with his staff, I have to give the edge to the sai in this case," Desmoulin tells the audience. "They can also block weapons due to their design, plus, Deadpool has two of 'em to use."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Deadpool for the sai._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested in this episode.

_The testing is now complete. Max will now load all the data into a battle simulation program that will determine the winner._

**Close-range weapons edge: Both Deathstroke's broadsword and Deadpool's katanas  
****Medium-range weapons edge: Deadpool, for the Sig-Sauer P226 pistol  
****Long-range weapons edge: Deadpool, for the MAC-10  
****Very long-range weapons edge: Deathstroke, for the Remington 700 sniper rifle  
****Explosive weapons edge: Deathstroke, for the M67 grenade  
****Special weapons edge: Deadpool, for the sai**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: strength and power…_

We see Deathstroke breaking a man's jaw with a single punch.

_Versus stealth and determination._

We see Deadpool sneaking up behind a man and choking him with a chloroform-soaked rag.

_Calculated strategy…_

We see Deathstroke carefully aim his sniper rifle at a faraway victim and pull the trigger.

_Versus maniacal overkill._

We see Deadpool mowing down a crowd of people with his H&K MP5.

"This is it," Max says, now seated in front of the computer. Geoff and Dr. Dorian watch from nearby. "The only thing left is to start the battle."

"Let's get the show on the road, then…" Geoff suggests.

Max presses a button on the computer, and the entire screen becomes like a scene from _The Matrix_, which eventually transitions to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The battle takes place at night in a large city, where a massive thunderstorm is occurring. As lightning flashes across the dark sky, the camera zooms in on an old, abandoned warehouse. Inside, we see Deathstroke cleaning his Remington 700 sniper rifle. He lifts his head up and looks around the building for a few seconds before picking up the rifle and practicing aiming it. About a hundred feet away, Deadpool enters the old warehouse to get out of the rain. "A dark and stormy night…sheesh, how much more cliché can you get?" he asks while looking at the camera. Deathstroke hears Deadpool's voice, and silently begins sneaking over to where it came from. As Wade dusts himself off, Slade aims his Remington at Wade and pulls the trigger. The bullet goes straight through Deadpool's stomach, and he flinches from the pain. He pops the lodged bullet out with his healing factor, though, and looks in the direction of where it came from to see Slade behind some stacked crates. "Oh, you want some of this?" asks Wade as he quickly pulls out his M25 Marksman rifle and fires two shots at Slade. The bullets hit Deathstroke in the chest, and he yells in pain, but soon afterward, his wounds begin to heal, and he fires another bullet from his sniper rifle. Deadpool jumps out of the way and grabs an F1 grenade from his pocket. He pulls the pin and throws it behind the crates, where it lands beside Slade. The grenade detonates, and flushes Deathstroke out from his hiding spot. As he gets up, we see that he has shrapnel all over his body, but it slowly begins to heal as he runs to the side of the building, grabbing his Makarov pistol from his side. Deadpool chases after him as he pulls out his Sig-Sauer. Deadpool fires the gun maniacally, shouting "Bang! Bang! Bang!" Slade takes cover behind a trash can while Wade fires his pistol. Eventually, Deadpool's pistol runs out of bullets. "Wait, seriously?" he asks the author, looking at the camera. "Not funny, dude!" Slade suddenly pops out from behind the trash can and shoots Wade in the chest with the Makarov. "GAH, SHIT!" Deadpool shouts as Deathstroke rushes forward with his Glauberyt rifle drawn. Deadpool heals his wound and pulls out his MAC-10, and both mercenaries fire their weapons at one another, running around the warehouse and taking cover behind crates and barrels. Deadpool mocks Deathstroke, irritating Slade to no end. Eventually, though, Deadpool's MAC-10 runs out of bullets. "Again?" he asks, looking at the camera. "This is getting old…" As Deathstroke comes close, Deadpool throws caution to the wind and rushes forward, kicking Deathstroke in the stomach before pulling out his two sai. He stabs at Slade's chest, but Slade rolls out of the way and grabs his hanbo staff lying nearby. The two slash and swing at one another, each trying to gain an edge. Deadpool stabs Deathstroke in his hip, causing the DC villain to shout in pain. Slade counters, however, by smacking Wade upside the head with the staff. As the two distance one another, Deathstroke grabs an M67 grenade from his side pocket, pulls the pin, and rolls it toward Deadpool's feet. Deadpool sees it and tries to run, but the grenade detonates, causing Deadpool to drop his sai and sending him rolling into a crate and breaking it open. Deathstroke rushes toward Deadpool with his staff, but Deadpool throws a broken board at Deathstroke's face, causing him to drop his staff. Deadpool unsheathes his katanas as Deathstroke grabs his broadsword, and the two mercenaries clash. Deadpool blocks a shot from Deathstroke with one katana and slashes one of his wrists with the other. Deathstroke screams in pain, but manages to slash Deadpool across the stomach with the broadsword, and the Merc falls backward, dropping one of his katanas. Deathstroke swings the broadsword at Deadpool's head, but Deadpool ducks and only gets the top part of his skull cut open. Deadpool uses the opportunity to stab Deathstroke in the leg with the katana he still has, causing Deathstroke to drop his broadsword and grab his leg. Deadpool tackles his fellow mercenary to the ground, then scrambles to retrieve his dropped katana. He grabs it, but Deathstroke grabs Deadpool's foot with his good hand and pulls him to the floor. As Deathstroke gets up and approaches Deadpool, he pulls out his Glauberyt, but just before he's about to shoot Wade, the Merc with the Mouth stabs Slade through the heart with the katana he retrieved a few seconds ago. Deathstroke falls back as Deadpool gets up, approaches the downed Slade, pulls the other katana out of Slade's leg, and stabs him through the heart with that one as well, causing blood to spill over the swords. Deathstroke finally slumps up against a barrel and does not move. As his split-open head starts to heal, Wade glares at Slade's dead body. "Welcome to Loserville, jackass!" he yells. "Population—_you_!"

**Winner: Deadpool**

"In our closest match ever, Deadpool emerged victorious just over 52% of the time," explains Max. "I think the deciding factor for this match was Deadpool's reliable close-range weaponry and overall unpredictability; plus, his regenerative abilities were just a little bit better than Deathstroke's, and that proved fatal for the man called Slade."

_As Max said, it was very close. Out of 1,000 battles, Deadpool won 523. He matched or beat Deathstroke in almost every category except their sniper rifles and grenades._

**Deadpool Kills: 523  
**MAC-10: 169  
F1 Grenade: 10  
Katanas: 45  
M25 Marksman Rifle: 275  
Sig-Sauer P226: 17  
Sai: 7

_Deathstroke wasn't far behind with 477 kills. His Remington rifle scored the most kills in the simulation, but it wasn't enough._

**Deathstroke Kills: 477  
**PM-84 Glauberyt: 102  
M67 Grenade: 19  
Broadsword: 34  
Remington 700 Sniper Rifle: 300  
Makarov: 10  
Hanbō Staff: 12

"I thought Deathstroke was the more serious warrior," admits Dr. Dorian. "But Deadpool is a loose cannon, and I guess that's what netted him victory in the long run."

"I cannot figure out why Deadpool won," says Rose. "He's a nutcase—my father would surely massacre him in real life."

"I'll give Deathstroke credit—the bastard is tough," Weasel confesses. "Unfortunately, he isn't tough enough to stand up to Wade. Especially with the weapons Wildman gave him…he he…" He turns and winks at the camera.

We see Deadpool leaning up against the warehouse as the camera zooms in on him. He turns and looks at the camera. "Next time, gimme a _real_ challenge, 'kay?" he asks me before turning to walk away, and the show comes to an end.

Chapter 5 is done, and Marvel takes a much-needed victory, bringing our overall score to 4-3, still in favor of DC. However, perhaps Marvel can obtain a victory from its most famous hero. In our next chapter, everyone's favorite web-slinging hero, Spider-Man, will take on the man formerly known as Robin, Nightwing. Don't miss it!


	8. Chapter 8: SpiderMan vs Nightwing

Before we get started with the next chapter, I'd like to let my readers know two things: first, I've posted all of the matches in this season on my profile page—including the upcoming ones. If you'd like a sneak peek at the fights to come, check it out. Second, I have started up a forum dedicated to this story, where you can give me fight suggestions and discuss former/future matches. A link to it can also be found on my profile page. Oh, and one more thing: the season finale of _Deadliest Warrior_ was incredible...make sure to watch it online if you didn't catch or DVR it!

Now…on with the show!

***NOTE: **I do _not_ own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel comics, or DC comics—by now, that should be a given. Everyone in this story except Desmoulin, Geiger and Dorian are utterly fictional. If you have any suggestions, etc., send me a PM, and I will get back to you.

Anything spoken by the Omnipotent, Omnipresent, and Omniscient Narrator (AKA David Wenham) will henceforth be in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Hero: Spider-Man vs. Nightwing**

As the show begins, we see a man wearing a red-and-black body suit and face mask. He shoots a stream of sticky white silk at the camera from his wrist.

_Spider-Man: the web-slinging street-wise superhero from New York City._

We see Spider-Man swinging through the streets of New York by using his web streams.

We now see another man in a black mask and uniform, accentuated with blue around the shoulders and chest. He holds two devices that resemble Batarangs.

_Nightwing: the martial-arts master who honed his crafts by studying under the Dark Knight himself._

We see Nightwing throwing two Batarang-like devices at a fleeing assailant.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of numerous comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the heroes' most lethal weapons. Using 21__st__-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two heroes went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Superhero vs. Superhero. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST HERO!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves back in the all-too-familiar fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech arena where the very threads of space and time are intertwined. Here, comic book characters meet up with real-life weapons experts, trauma doctors, and computer experts. It's all to create a true-to-life deathmatch between two legendary superheroes: Spider-Man, the wall-crawling hero with the uncanny "spidey-sense" to detect danger, versus Nightwing, the famous martial-arts expert who is as dark and secretive as his namesake._

**Spider-Man Stats  
**Real name: Peter Parker  
Ht: 5'10"  
Wt: 167 lbs  
Gear: 2 lbs  
Armor: None  
Superpowers: Enhanced strength and agility, wall-climbing abilities, web shooters

**Nightwing Stats  
**Real name: Dick Grayson  
Ht: 5'10"  
Wt: 175 lbs  
Gear: 6 lbs  
Armor: Kevlar-lined suit  
Superpowers: Enhanced agility and speed, weapons and martial arts expert

_Biomedical engineer Geoff Desmoulin will supervise the weapons testing using high-tech equipment._

"Today, we've got two building-swinging heroes doing battle: Spider-Man and Nightwing," explains Geoff. "Both these guys are pretty pacifistic in their weapons choices, so this is going to be an interesting fight."

_E.R. physician Armand Dorian will analyze the killing power behind every strike._

"We have a lot of weapons today that stun rather than kill," Dr. Dorian admits. "My job will be to analyze which shots would kill, and which ones would leave a person able to fight back."

_Computer whiz Max Geiger will input the data into a battle simulation program to determine the winner._

"Today's heroes that are squaring off are known for using non-lethal weapons," says Max. "That's gonna force our computer to rely heavily on X-factors and the physical skills of the combatants in order to determine who wins here today."

We now see a beautiful young woman with long red hair, attaching two manacle-like devices to her wrists.

_Representing Spider-Man: his wife, Mary Jane Watson-Parker. The woman affectionately known as "M.J." has known Peter for many years, and knows his fighting styles like the back of her hand._

"Tiger won't let anything take him down…he's _way_ too smart for that," M.J. brags. "He's smart, he's resilient, and he's a darn good tactician."

We now see a burly man with a blond crew-cut. He punches a punching bag as Geoff analyzes data from the punches in the background.

_Also representing Spider-Man: Flash Thompson. Thompson went to high school with Peter Parker, and though he bullied Peter incessantly at first, they later grew to be very close friends._

"I wish I could take back what I did to Peter all those years back," Flash admits. "But I can damn sure do him justice by representing him today, and helping him kick Nightwing's ass."

_Peter Parker was originally a brilliant, but otherwise ordinary, high school student when he was bitten by a radioactive spider at a science museum. Parker woke the next morning to find that he had incredible agility, along with the abilities to climb walls and sense danger through a special "spider-sense". Using his technological knowledge, he also built devices that attached to his wrists which can shoot web-like material._

"I have no doubt that Tiger's gonna win this fight," M.J. brags. "He's got better equipment, better abilities, and to top it off, he's smarter."

_Spider-Man is a daunting foe, but our Nightwing experts aren't worried at all._

We now see a young woman with orange-red skin, fiery red hair, and bright green eyes wearing a revealing purple outfit. She wields two shuriken-like devices shaped like birds.

_Representing Nightwing: his longtime girlfriend, Starfire. Starfire has fought alongside Nightwing as part of the Teen Titans, and knows the Dark Bird's fighting styles inside and out._

"Nightwing is not only my _gen'dan_*; he is the greatest hero I know," Starfire explains. "He and I fought alongside one another on many occasions and I am still very much amazed at things he does."

We now see a young man with dark black hair, wearing a red-and-black uniform with a black cape.

_Also representing Nightwing: the current Robin, Tim Drake. Drake assumed the role of Batman's well-known sidekick after Nightwing retired from the position._

"I've got my own style, sure," Tim admits. "But a lot of my fighting styles were taught to me by Nightwing himself. He's a master at just about every martial art you can think of."

_After a troubled and tumultuous childhood as a circus acrobat, Dick Grayson was taken in by Bruce Wayne, AKA Batman, who helped him hone his already impressive skills. Grayson took up the mantle of Robin, becoming Batman's sidekick for many years until breaking out on his own as the leader of the Teen Titans. Eventually, he went solo, forming his own persona of Nightwing._

"Nightwing is a force to be reckoned with in the fighting of crime," says Starfire. "He shall certainly win against the Man of Spiders."

_Both of these heroes have a tendency to use non-lethal weapons in the line of duty, which will affect the battle immensely in the long run. But which hero will come out on top? Our experts are divided._

"My edge up front is gonna be with Spider-Man," predicts Dr. Dorian. "He is a tactical and mechanical genius. He can think on his feet, and he can plan ahead—that, I think, is going to give him the win."

"Personally, I believe Nightwing's gonna win this one," says Geoff. "He has slightly more lethal weaponry, and that, in the long run, I think will give him the edge he needs to defeat Spider-Man."

_Both Spider-Man and Nightwing carry an array of unique tools at their disposal, many of which are unknown to the masses. But Spider-Man's signature weapon is known far and wide:_

We see Spider-Man tying up a thief with several strands of his signature webbing.

_**Web Streams**__: strands of simulated spider silk, stronger than steel and a thousand times more flexible._

Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian are standing in front of a table full of Spider-Man's equipment and costumes along with Flash and Mary Jane. M.J. holds two small devices in her hands as she explains how they work:

"These are Peter's web-shooters," she says. "They were developed by him not long after he first got his powers."

"Hold on," Geoff says. "I thought Spider-Man could shoot webs automatically from his wrists…"

"Common media-fed mistake," Flash says. "Peter only had that power for a short time, and lost it later. Now, he has to use these things to make his webs."

"Well, it's certainly an extra thing to have to lug around, but let's go test 'em out," Geoff suggests.

Everyone is now standing in front of a door that leads to an unknown part of the fight club. Mary Jane stands in front of everyone, the web-shooters latched to her wrists.

_To test the web shooters, Geoff has designed a special test utilizing a live target._

"Okay, M.J.," he says, walking up to the door, "what's gonna happen is there's gonna be a live ninja come out of this door. You need to use those web-shooters to incapacitate the ninja as quickly as possible. Think you can handle it?"

"I think I can manage that," M.J. says, smiling.

A few seconds later, Mary Jane watches the door intently with web-shooters at the ready, while everyone else observes from afar.

"Ready, M.J.?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" she replies.

"Three, two, one—RELEASE THE NINJA!"

On Geoff's word, the door flies open and our old friend the black-clad ninja emerges from behind it. He makes a beeline for Mary Jane, but she lifts her hands and shoots streams of webbing from the web shooters like two miniature fire hoses. The webbing soon wraps itself around the ninja, who tries in vain to free himself from it. Mary Jane pumps more webbing at the ninja until he falls to the floor, completely tied up in a "cocoon" of webbing. The entire process takes about thirty seconds.

"Whoo, all right!" Geoff cheers as everyone steps in to assess the damage of the webbing.

"Okay, you've tied him up really good," Dr. Dorian admits as he struggles with the sticky webbing with his gloved hands. "He's gonna have a heck of a time fighting back in this position. Not a killing strike, but that's to be expected…that webbing is not really made to kill, it's made to incapacitate."

The Nightwing experts come up to assess the damage.

"Impressive display," Tim admits as he watches the ninja squirming on the floor. "But Nightwing would not be approaching Spider-Man head-on…he'd come from the side or behind him or something."

"Doesn't matter," Thompson argues. "Peter'd sense him and take him down before he even got close enough to spit on him."

"But…Nightwing would _never_ spit on the Man of Spiders…" Starfire says, visibly confused.

Max shakes his head as Geoff buries his face in his hands.

"Nightwing can certainly not form white webs from his suit, but he also possesses a tool that can stun from distances," Starfire explains.

_Nightwing's weapon may not be able to tie up criminals like Spider-Man's webbing, but it stops them dead in their tracks just the same._

We see Nightwing throwing a bird-shaped device at a fleeing thief, stunning the man and knocking him to the ground.

_The __**Wingding:**__ a modified version of the Batarang._

We now see the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts in front of a table of assorted Nightwing weapons and outfits. Tim Drake holds two different-sized Wingdings in his hands as he begins to tell the three hosts all about them:

"These are the two types of Wingdings that Nightwing uses. Basically, they're a modified version of Batman's Batarangs, which themselves are like shurikens—throwing weapons that can stun whatever they're thrown at."

"So it's basically a stunning weapon, right?" Max asks.

"Yes," Tim replies. "They can kill if they hit the right spot with the pointy ends here, but nine times out of ten, they're non-lethal."

Geoff and some more hired hands are seen wheeling in three wheeled machines with foam torsos attached to them.

_Because the Wingdings have killing potential, Geoff sets up a test involving attack bots._

"All right, Tim," Desmoulin explains to the current Robin, "these three attack bots will be advancing toward you from several feet out. Your job will be to stop them by throwing the Wingdings at them and knocking them to the ground."

"No problem," Robin says, nodding.

A few seconds later, Robin stands with numerous Wingdings at the ready, about forty feet in front of the attack bots, as the others look on from afar.

"Three, two, one…DEPLOY ATTACK BOTS!"

As soon as Desmoulin shouts this, the attack bots begin rolling toward Tim. Drake takes one Wingding and throws it at the middle attack bot, hitting the foam torso in the face with the blunt end and knocking it over. He throws another one at the left-hand attack bot, lodging a pointed end in the dummy's stomach and sending it toppling over as well. He throws another Wingding at the last attack bot, hitting it in the side of the head, but it keeps coming. However, another well-placed shot lodges a thrown Wingding in the foam torso's neck, stopping the attack bot.

"Yeah, nice!" Max shouts.

"Good work—and you took 'em out faster than the webbing," Geoff admits.

_Two of the Wingdings caused lacerations to the foam torsos, but did they manage to kill their targets? Dr. Dorian steps in to analyze the damage._

"That guy in the middle has nothing on him—even though he's probably hurting pretty badly, he's not gonna die," Dr. Dorian explains as he approaches the left-hand attack bot. "This guy, you hit him in the stomach, right in the intestines. He's gonna bleed a lot, and there's a definite chance of peritonitis, but if he gets up and gets to a hospital, he's probably gonna live. The third guy; you hit him once on the side of the head—that might break his jaw, but that's not lethal. What I'm concerned about is this next shot you took at his neck…this goes right into the carotid and the jugular. This is gonna bleed like crazy, and if he doesn't do something to stop it, he could die from it."

"Nice…even though it's primarily a stunning weapon, it can also score a chance kill if it hits the right place," Geoff says.

_But which medium-range weapon will give its user an edge in battle?_

"I like the webbing because Spider-Man can incapacitate from a very long distance with it," Geoff admits to Max and Dr. Dorian. "But the Wingdings proved themselves…plus, they could cut through the web and let Nightwing free himself from it if he has enough leeway."

"Agreed," Dorian says. "And with the sharp points on the Wingdings, they could also possibly score a kill for Nightwing if he's lucky. For Spider-Man, he can't kill with the web streams unless he completely encases his enemy with webbing to the point where they suffocate to death. And with someone who's gonna fight back light Nightwing does, that's almost impossible to do."

"Looks like it's unanimous—edge goes to the Wingdings," Max affirms.

_For medium-range weapons, the edge goes to Nightwing for the Wingdings. But this match is only getting started, as our heroes now pull out their close-range weapons. And for Spider-Man, this is another form of his web-shooters…_

We see Spider-Man launching a full web of silk from his wrist onto a thief below, trapping the burglar in the sticky net.

_**Web Projectiles**__: thrown nets of webbing that trap thieves just like flies._

Mary Jane, Flash and the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts are back at the table of Spider-Man paraphernalia. Mary Jane is still wearing the web-shooters as she starts to explain another one of their uses:

"Peter can also use his web-shooters to shoot fully developed webs," she says as she retrieves a small, web-shaped plate from the table. "Just a simple modification…"

She clicks the plate in place on the web-shooter.

"…and Tiger's good to go!"

Everyone is now in another part of the building, with Max, Dr. Dorian and Flash behind a glass viewing area with Geoff and Mary Jane standing by a zipline suspended across the room.

_To test the projectile webbing, our team sets up a unique test involving a pig carcass and a zipline._

"Okay, M.J., this is a stoppage test," Geoff explains to Spider-Man's wife. "What'll happen is that pig will come barreling down toward you on the zipline. Your job is to use the web projectiles from the web-shooters to take down the pig."

"Piece of cake," M.J. says.

A few minutes later, Geoff is behind the glass with everyone else as Mary Jane stands at the ready.

"Three, two, one—RELEASE THE PIG!" Desmoulin shouts.

On Geoff's word, someone off-screen slides the pig down the zipline, right toward Mary Jane. M.J. points the web-shooters at the approaching pig and fires two fully formed giant spider webs at it. The impact from the webs sends the pig flying off the zipline and to the floor, where it lays covered in sticky webbing.

"All right, nice work," Geoff comments.

_But even though the web projectiles stopped the pig, they're not enough to kill._

"Well, if this pig was a criminal, he'd be in prime position for the cops to arrest him and take him away," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the web-coated pig. "But aside from a little bruising when it hit the ground, this pig is completely unscathed."

"Nice try, but it looks like you're 0-2, chaps," Robin says, patting Thompson on the back.

"What are you talking about, short stuff?" Thompson inquires. "These are just to tie Nightwing up before Peter kicks his sorry butt!"

"I am sorry, my muscular friend, but it is Nightwing who will be engaging in the kicking of the butt today," Starfire retorts. "He is far too fast to become ensnared with the massive projectiles of webs, and he can also block them with his staffs of eskrima."

_Nightwing's close-combat weapon of choice is a time-honored martial arts accessory:_

We see Nightwing fending off a criminal with two long sticks in each of his hands.

_**Eskrima Sticks**__: unbreakable shafts of destruction._

Tim Drake, Starfire and the _DW_ guys are now in front of a table of Nightwing's equipment. Tim is holding a pair of eskrima sticks in his hands as he explains how they work:

"If you asked Nightwing what his favorite weapon was, these would be it," the current Robin brags. "These sticks are about two-and-a-half feet long, and can cause some serious damage if they hit something."

"What are they made of?" Geiger asks.

"Nightwing actually uses two different kinds of eskrima sticks," Drake explains as he walks over to the table. "The first pair here is made of the traditional rattan wood, and then there's this pair, which are made of aluminum."

"Well, to get a fair representation, we've gotta test 'em both," Desmoulin suggests.

_To test the eskrima sticks, our team brings in a ballistics gel torso with the same mass and density as human flesh and bone. The wooden eskrima sticks will be tested first._

Robin stands in front of the first gel torso with one eskrima stick in each hand.

"Robin, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Robin replies.

"On three, two, one—SMASH HIM!"

On Geoff's word, Robin twirls one eskrima stick around his head and gives a loud war cry as he smashes the gel torso in the side of the head with the other. He continues shouting battle cries as he smacks the torso in the other side of the head with the other stick, then targets the torso with the sticks, smashing into the chest and stomach with them. After about ten seconds, he lets up, and the torso is badly bruised and bloody in various places.

"Yeah, nice!" Geoff shouts.

"Holy sh**!" Max adds as Dr. Dorian steps up to the torso to analyze the damage done.

"Okay, this guy's been banged up pretty badly," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the torso with his gloved hands. "But all this banging and bashing you did in the torso actually is not enough to kill. However, when you look at the head here…you broke this guy's skull, and depressed it inward. I've said it before, and I'll say it again—when you depress the skull into the brain, you get bleeding, hemorrhage, and the chance of death goes through the ceiling. This guy is definitely dead."

"Not bad for a couple of wooden sticks, huh?" Robin brags.

"Too true," Max says. "Now let's see what the aluminum ones can do…"

_Next, Robin steps up to the plate with Nightwing's aluminum eskrima._

"Three, two, one—GO!"

On Geoff's signal, Robin smashes into the side of the fresh torso's head with one aluminum shaft, severely cracking the skull inside. He smashes the rest of the torso with the sticks, producing many broken bones, bruises and lacerations. To finish, he smashes the head again, causing the skull to break in two under the gel skin.

"Whoa!" Geoff says, clearly surprised at the damage that the aluminum sticks can do.

"Okay, I think these aluminum sticks are even better at causing havoc than those wooden ones," Dr. Dorian admits as he steps in to assess the damage done. "You've broken this guy's bones, maybe a bruised liver as well, but up here is the killer." Dr. Dorian handles the gel head carefully. "You have cracked this guy's skull completely in half—this is an insta-kill if I've ever seen one."

_But which weapon will give its user a killer edge in battle?_

"There's no question—I have to give it to the eskrima sticks," Geoff declares. "Just like the web streams, those projectiles aren't meant to kill their target. The eskrima sticks not only cause a lot more damage, they can be used over and over again."

"Totally agreed," Dr. Dorian says. "The web streams have potential to kill if they completely entrap their target, but the web projectiles are just an ensnaring tool. The eskrima sticks can kill with just one blow."

"Plus, there's the fact that Nightwing has two types of eskrima sticks, ready for him to use," Max adds. "Edge, Eskrima Sticks."

_For close-range weapons, the edge goes to Nightwing for the eskrima sticks. But our experts have only scratched the surface of the abilities and tools of Spider-Man and Nightwing. Both heroes carry explosive surprises around with them, and for Spider-Man, this is a weapon that hardly anyone knows he has…_

We see Peter Parker taking pictures at his newspaper photographer job, when a person grabs him from behind and puts a knife to his throat. Peter points the camera at the man's leg, and a bullet suddenly fires from the camera, hitting the man in the thigh.

_The __**Camera Gun**__: a simple photographer's tool with a deadly surprise._

We now see Mary Jane and Flash in front of a target range inside, with Max and Geoff beside them. Flash is holding a camera as he explains to the hosts all about it:

"A lotta people know this camera…it's the same camera Peter used when he was a photographer for the Daily Bugle."

"So how can a camera be used as a weapon?" Desmoulin asks suspiciously.

"Basically, this doubles as a novelty pistol," Thompson replies. "It holds three shots at the most. You load your ammo in here, press the button—and that's that."

We now see Desmoulin tinkering with some dummy-loaded attack bots in front of a firing area.

_But how good is the camera gun's accuracy? Geoff sets up another test with attack bots to answer that question._

"All right, Flash, this is a test of how efficiently you can take out your target," Desmoulin explains to Flash, motioning to the attack bots and stationary targets in the firing area. "Your targets are the two stationary targets in the range there. We've given you three shots to take 'em out, and there are also three attack bots moving around out there—those are the bystanders; don't hit them. We'll be measuring your accuracy and your killing potential, and you will be timed."

Flash is now standing in front of the group of foam torsos, the three that are mounted on attack bots wheeling randomly around the area.

"Are you ready, Flash?" Geoff asks.

"Ready," Flash replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Thompson points the camera at one of the stationary torsos and shoots it right in the middle of its neck. He points the camera at the other stationary target, shooting it in its chest. After waiting for one of the attack bots to pass in front of it, he fires his last shot at the second target, hitting it in the eye.

"All right, nice—ten seconds!" Geoff says as Thompson puts down the camera.

_The camera gun scores three direct hits on two targets, all three of which are fatal wounds._

"This is great—and there's absolutely no collateral damage," Geoff says, examining the mannequins mounted on attack bots. "Excellent work, Flash—that camera's good for shooting a lot more than pictures!"

As Geoff chuckles to himself, Max and Dorian look at him with expressions of pity and shake their heads. "That was bad," Max says.

_Despite the fact that the camera gun is powerful, our Nightwing experts don't seem concerned._

"Yeah, that camera's gonna do damage—but Nightwing wears Kevlar armor," Robin explains. "He's taken gunshots before, and he still comes back to beat the snot out of you. Plus, who needs a gun when you've got a bomb?"

_Nightwing's long-range killer is just as deadly, and just as secretive._

We see Nightwing throwing a small capsule filled with gas into a room, then leaping out a window. The thieves inside the building are soon engulfed by a cloud of toxic gas.

_**Poison Gas Bombs**__: collapsible capsules filled with a deadly inhalable toxin._

We now see Robin and Starfire outside on the firing range with Geoff and Max there as well. Starfire is holding a few

"Friends, this is a small capsule that shall implode when it is released from one's hand," Starfire explains in her own overly-explanatory way. "Nightwing possesses these very capsules, but they contain a poisonous gas."

"The gas is a combination of phosgene and chlorine," Robin explains further. "They're both really toxic agents."

"That's true…those were both used as chemical warfare in the past," Dr. Dorian agrees. "Once the body inhales chlorine or phosgene, they shut down your body's ability to process oxygen from the air. Once you inhale a substantial amount, your lungs basically collapse, and you die."

_To test the poison gas bombs, our experts have built a small wood-frame structure to simulate a criminal hideout. Due to the dangers of testing poisonous gas, Starfire will use a capsule filled with obscuring smoke instead of poison._

"All right, Starfire—are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Oh, very much!" Starfire gushes.

"On three—"

But Starfire chucks the capsules through the window of the house before Geoff can even get halfway through his usual intro.

"You were supposed to wait for my sig…" Geoff starts, but a significant "poof" is heard just then from inside the house. Smoke starts pouring out of the windows several seconds later.

"Okay…that'll work," Max laughs.

"Nice work…even though you didn't follow my signal exactly," Geoff says, cocking his eyebrow at Starfire.

"I did not want the criminals to escape from the room," Starfire explains. "Shall I go in and flush them out now?"

Geoff looks back at Robin. "You didn't tell her this is just a simulation, did you?"

Robin shakes his head. "I didn't want to damper her spirits…"

_But the Spider-Man experts aren't impressed._

"Tiger is way too agile to be affected by that gas," Mary Jane scoffs as she surveys to the smoking house. "He knows a gas bomb when he sees it—he'll just jump out of the way, close the gap, and bash your brains in."

_Poison gas or camera gun…which surprise weapon gets the edge?_

"I have to give it to the weapon that causes death more quickly," Dr. Dorian says to the others. "And while the poison gas is lethal, there's still a chance that your target could roll out of the toxic cloud in time to save himself. With the camera gun, it's an almost sure shot."

"I don't like the fact that it's only a three-shot magazine, but I have to agree with you, Doc," Desmoulin says. "Plus, it's got that element of surprise—a gun in a camera is a totally unexpected thing."

"Looks like it's unanimous, then," Max affirms. "Spider-Man's camera gun takes it here."

_For long-range weapons, the edge goes to Spider-Man for his high-caliber camera. But our experts still have to test both heroes' special weapons. And though Spider-Man doesn't utilize his special weapon very often, there is a nasty surprise he has utilized in the past** that was a side-effect of his spider-infused DNA…_

We see Spider-Man being beat up by a group of thugs. As his rage builds, his eyes glow red and his body begins to sprout stingers as he kicks the thugs away.

_**Spider Fangs and Stingers**__: the icing on the cake for the mutated spider look._

Mary Jane, Flash Thompson and the _DW_ hosts are in front of a row of foam torsos. Flash, while being fitted with a pair of gauntlets with sharp spears attached to them, begins to explain Spider-Man's deadly special weapon:

"A lotta Peter's powers were one-time things," he says. "This one time, he made a cocoon, and came out healed, with everything he lost in the previous battle**. He also had these crazy fangs and stingers that popped out of his body when he got real mad—they apparently were side-effects of that spider bite, too."

"But…spiders don't have stingers," Max interjects.

"That's what Peter said when he first saw 'em," Flash replies. "Doesn't make sense to me, either…"

"Well, maybe we can work something out," Max says, still annoyed at the inaccuracy of the "stingers".

Desmoulin and a technician are now seen fitting Flash Thompson with a set of stinger-like attachments on his arms.

_To test the spider appendages, our team equips Flash with a set of false spider stingers similar to the ones that Spider-Man once had._

Flash now stands in front of a gel torso with the stingers on his arms.

"Ready, Flash?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Thompson shouts.

"On three, two, one—STAB IT!"

On Geoff's word, Thompson stabs the target through the neck, causing blood to pour out of the carotid and jugular. He then slashes the mannequin across the chest a few times with the stingers, sending chunks of gel, blood and guts flying everywhere. To finish, he jams his right-hand stinger into the top of the torso's head, leaving it there as he turns around and smiles.

"HOLY SH**!" Desmoulin shouts as Max just stares with his jaw hanging open.

"Very impressive," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the wounds. "Look at this mess—this shot to the neck is an insta-kill. You've punctured the carotid and jugular; this guy will bleed out and die pretty quickly. Then, you slashed this guy across the gut—this reaches through to the liver and the lungs, so that would be a killing blow as well. And the last shot you made? What can I say...this gives new meaning to the term 'splitting headache'."

"Our Nightwing experts are gonna have a really tough time topping _this_," Max admits.

_Nightwing's secret weapon is a little trick that was custom-installed into his uniform._

We see a criminal sneaking up on Nightwing and grabbing him from behind. Grayson pushes a button on his utility belt, and a surge of electricity courses through the thief's body. In the next shot, the thief is on the ground, writhing around and screaming in agony.

_The __**Taser Suit Blast**__: a deadly surprise for anyone who touches Nightwing's suit._

We now see Robin (who wields a hand-held taser) and Starfire standing in front of a group of mannequins as Geoff and Dr. Dorian stand nearby.

"Nightwing's suit has a lot of secret compartments filled with things: cell phone, grappling hooks, gas bombs, you name it," Robin says. "But one of the nastiest surprises he has is a series of tasers running along the surface of the suit. No matter where someone touches Nightwing, all he has to do is push a button on his utility belt, and this guy receives the shock of his life."

"Looks like we'll have to bring in the live targets for this one," Geoff says.

_To test the taser, we bring in one of our live ninjas to do the dirty work._

On Geoff's word, Robin fires the taser at the ninja, who has his eyes closed tight, expecting the pain. Within nanoseconds, the electricity begins coursing through the ninja's body, and he falls to the ground, grunting and curling up in the fetal position.

_An impressive display, but it's not a killing strike._

"That's quite a weapon," says Desmoulin as he helps the poor ninja up, "but we've tested tasers on the show before, and they're not really lethal weapons. They're good for stunning a person, but they won't usually kill them unless they're repeatedly zapped with the taser."

Mary Jane and Flash walk onto the scene now, and Flash is clapping slowly.

"Very nice, guys," he says. "Would've been better if you'd actually killed something, though!"

"Even if Spider-Man gets close enough to use those stingers, about 50,000 volts will leave the guy screaming on the floor. That's more than enough time for Nightwing to finish him off," Robin argues.

_Our teams are divided, but for our experts, it's a no-brainer._

"For me, it's no contest, really," Geoff says to the others. "Spider-Man takes this—his fangs and stingers are more lethal, more powerful, and they can actually _kill_."

"The taser is certainly gonna hurt, but 99 times out of 100, it won't kill," Dr. Dorian adds. "Spider-Man, if he gets mad…who knows what he'll do if those stingers make their presence felt?"

"Not only that, they have longer reach, and they can be used over and over again," Max adds. "No question…Spider-Man's got the Special Weapons category in the bag."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Spider-Man for the spider teeth and stingers. But it's not quite over yet. Our team still has one more thing to consider: an X-factor that could give one of our heroes an important edge in battle. For Spider-Man, his X-factor is his uncanny __**Spider-Sense**__, which allows him to sense impending danger before it actually happens._

We see clips of Spider-Man surveying his surroundings and dodging attacks using his "Spidey Sense", as Mary Jane and Flash start to discuss this ability:

"Tiger was infused with his Spidey-Senses when he was bitten by that crazy spider," M.J. explains. "He has the ability to sense any kind of danger before it happens."

"Peter will always come out on top 'cause he'll sense any kind of attacks that will do him harm, and then just get outta the way," Flash adds.

_For Nightwing, his X-factor is his mastery of literally dozens of __**Martial Arts**__, which allow him to fight nearly any opponent._

We see clips of Nightwing fighting numerous supervillains in close combat as Tim Drake and Starfire begin to discuss the Dark Bird's skills:

"Nightwing will emerge victorious because he is trained well in many styles of fighting," Starfire says.

"Nightwing knows pretty much every martial art you can think of," Robin comments. "Karate, kung fu, judo, jujitsu, hapkido...you name it, he knows it. He's super-quick, super-strong, and will break your jaw before you get a chance to talk trash to him."

_But which hero will get an edge in battle thanks to their X-factor?_

"The X-factor edge, for me, goes to Spider-Man," Dr. Dorian tells his friends. "Being able to sense an attack before it actually happens? If that's not a game-changer, I don't know what is."

"Agreed," Max replies. "Spider-Man definitely gets the edge in the X-factors."

_In X-factors, the edge goes to Spider-Man for his Spider-Sense._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested in this episode.

_The testing is now complete. Max will now load all the data into a battle simulation program that will determine our winner._

**Close-range weapons edge: Nightwing, for the eskrima sticks  
****Medium-range weapons edge: Nightwing, for the Wingdings  
****Long-range weapons edge: Spider-Man, for the camera gun  
****Special weapons edge: Spider-Man, for the spider fangs and stingers  
****X-factor edge: Spider-Man, for the "Spider Sense"**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: brains…_

We see Peter Parker working in his laboratory on a more streamlined web-shooter.

_Versus brawn._

We see Dick Grayson training in an undisclosed gym.

_Kevlar…_

We see Nightwing's armor blocking a bullet before he rushes forward and roundhouse-kicks an attacker.

_Against flesh._

We see Spider-Man being slashed across the thigh with a burglar's knife during battle, then punching him out as blood trickles down his leg.

"I believe we have all the data we need," says Max, now seated in front of the computer. "Let's go ahead and start it up."

"All right, let's go," says Geoff as he and Dr. Dorian watch from nearby.

Max presses a button on the computer, and our screen becomes all _Matrix_-like before the battle appears.

**The Battle**

The battle takes place in a large city around dusk. As darkness slowly begins to creep up on the city, numerous lights in buildings start to come on as people are getting home for the day. As the camera zooms in on the top of one of these tall buildings, we see Spider-Man on its roof, scanning the area for trouble. As Spidey looks around intently, he hears a noise, and looks down to see Nightwing pulling up next to the same building on his motorcycle. Spider-Man looks curiously at Nightwing, and decides to get a closer look at the new hero to see if he is of hostile intent. The web-slinger fires some webbing at some nearby buildings to anchor himself, and begins to swing down to the ground. As Nightwing dismounts his motorcycle, he hears the noise of the webbing as it exits Spidey's suit, and looks up to see Spider-Man swinging down from the roof. Mistaking him for some sort of high-tech criminal, Nightwing glares at Spider-Man and silently pulls out one of his Wingdings. As Spider-Man glides down closer to the ground, Nightwing takes aim with the Wingding and throws it at one strand of webbing, cutting it in two. With one of his web strands cut, Spider-Man careens toward the side of the building. Quick to recover, though, Spider-Man shoots another stream of web at the ground, anchoring himself and bringing him down safely, where he lands on the street about forty feet in front of Nightwing. Without warning, Nightwing throws three more Wingdings at Spider-Man. Spidey dodges the first two, but the third catches him in the leg, slicing into his calf with one of the pointy ends. Nightwing pulls a pair of wooden eskrima sticks from the back of his uniform and rushes toward Spider-Man, yelling loudly. Thinking quickly, Spidey shoots a fully-formed web at Nightwing, trapping his upper torso inside it. Peter flees by crawling up the side of the building he was atop earlier as Dick laboriously scrambles to get the web projectile off him. He stands up and sees Parker crawling up the building, glares at him, and heads inside the apartment building in an attempt to head off the web-slinger. Spider-Man looks down and sees Nightwing heading into the building, so he scrambles into the nearest window. While taking a few seconds to regroup inside, Spidey closes his eyes and listens to the vibrations in the building, then retrieves his camera from a compartment at his side before taking off through the open door of the room and out into the hall. We now see Nightwing, running up the stairs of the building before emerging on an unnamed floor. He looks around, seeing Spider-Man just as he emerges from the room. Nightwing throws another Wingding at Spider-Man, striking Parker in the face and dazing him. Nightwing grabs his wooden eskrima sticks and charges toward Spider-Man. Still clutching his camera, Spidey regains his senses and shoots a stream of webbing at Nightwing, but Nightwing swats it away with one stick and strikes Spidey in the stomach with the other when he gets close enough. "OW!" Spidey cries as he backs up. "What'd I ever do to _you_?" Nightwing only shouts a battle cry as he rushes toward Spidey with his sticks. Using his Spider-Sense, Peter dodges strikes with both sticks before shooting Nightwing in the gut with his camera gun and fleeing into an abandoned room nearby. Knocked backward by the shot, Nightwing's kevlar suit prevents any significant damage. He recovers and follows Spidey into the room he fled into, but Peter is waiting for Dick as he grabs him and throws him into a nearby table, breaking it and apparently knocking Nightwing unconscious. Spider-Man slowly approaches Nightwing and touches him to make sure he's okay, but Nightwing, who is playing possum, presses a button on his utility belt, shocking Peter with his taser-laden suit. Spider-Man falls to the floor, screaming and convulsing in pain as Nightwing approaches him, ready for anything as he pulls out a communicator to call the police. Spider-Man now opens his eyes, which are now blood-red. He gets up and slowly walks toward Nightwing as his jaw begins to rearrange into long, poison-soaked fangs, and long, serrated stingers sprout from his wrists. Nightwing stops talking on his communicator when he hears Spider-Man approaching, and now sees that his foe is rapidly changing into a giant, mutated spider. He throws a Wingding at Spidey, but Spidey merely swats it away with one stinger. Nightwing backs away, then bolts out the door as the newly mutated Spider-Man chases him into the dimly lit hallway. Nightwing turns around and throws a poison gas capsule at Spider-Man, but Spidey simply charges through the gas, not staying in it long enough for a significant amount to enter his lungs. Nightwing flees for his life into another room at the end of the hall, where Spider-Man kicks the door down in search of him. Nightwing rushes forward and smashes Spidey in the leg with an aluminum eskrima stick, sending the web-shooting hero down to one knee. Grayson then backs up and readies a knockout shot, but when he gets close this time, Parker grabs the eskrima stick and throws Nightwing into the corner of the room. Spider-Man then rushes toward Nightwing, roaring and snarling. As the camera cuts to a shot of the stars out the window, we hear horrible screaming as the picture fades to black...

A few seconds later, the screen fades back in. It's now morning, and we see Spider-Man lying on the floor of the room, not moving. Soon, though, he begins to stir as he groans and moans. "Anyone get the number of that truck?" he asks no one in particular as he rubs his throbbing head. Suddenly, he remembers his battle with Nightwing, and scrambles to his feet to look for his adversary. However, as he looks around, he sees that the room is in a chaotic state. Chairs and broken furniture litter the floor, and the windows are all broken. In addition, the room is covered from top to bottom with Spidey's webbing. Spidey looks around cautiously for Nightwing for a few seconds until he sees a horrible sight. A silk cocoon, attached to the walls and floor, sits in the corner of the room. Spider-Man runs over and rips open the cocoon, only to find that it contains a human body—that of Nightwing. Examining the body, he finds stab wounds in Nightwing's stomach and chest, as well as two fang marks in Nightwing's neck. Nightwing's eyes are open, but they are blank, and his face is deathly pale. Peter places his finger on Dick's neck in search of a pulse, but it's no use…Nightwing is dead, all the fluids having been drained from his body. "Oh, no…" Spider-Man cries as he kneels beside the dead Nightwing, realizing what he has done. "I—I'm so sorry…" he says as he hangs his head and tears begin to seep up under his mask.

**Winner: Spider-Man**

"Out of a thousand battles, Spider-Man emerged victorious just over 59% of the time," Max explains. "This is due to the fact that while most of Spider-Man's equipment isn't lethal under normal circumstances, if used in the right way, he could incapacitate, wear down, and eventually kill Nightwing with it."

_While his webbing was decidedly non-lethal, Spider-Man's other two weapons scored kills in the triple digits._

**Spider-Man Kills: 594  
**Web Stream: 7  
Web Projectile: 0  
Camera Gun: 189  
Spider Fangs & Stingers: 398

_Nightwing only claimed 406 kills. His best weapons were his unbreakable eskrima sticks, but they weren't enough._

**Nightwing Kills: 406  
**Wingdings: 54  
Eskrima Sticks: 226  
Poison Gas Bombs: 123  
Taser Suit Blast: 3

"I probably didn't give Spider-Man enough credit," Geoff confesses. "He's got an incredible arsenal of weaponry and powers, and he knew how to use it properly. The better man won."

"I was never worried," Mary Jane brags, smiling. "Peter's been up against opponents tougher than Nightwing—he'll always come out on top, no matter what."

Starfire is now seen crying. "My Nightwing has been executed by the Man of Spiders!"

Tim comes up behind her and taps her on the shoulder. "Calm down, it's just a simulation…he's not really _dead_…"

Starfire immediately stops crying. "Ohhhhhhhhhh…"

We see Spider-Man looking up at the building window where he knows Nightwing's dead body now hangs.

Chapter 8 is over, and Marvel scores another victory, tying our total up at 4-4. Can DC break the tie? Find out in our next chapter, as one of Spider-Man's archenemies, the Green Goblin, takes on one of Batman's archenemies, The Penguin. See you again very soon!

_*_**Gen'dan**_: Tamaranian word for "soul mate" or "true love"_

_**Occurred in "The Other", 2005-06_


	9. Chapter 9: Green Goblin vs Penguin

Happy Halloween, everybody! In honor of this spooky time of year, I hope you're ready for a match-up between two of the freakiest comic book villains of all time…let's get to it!

***NOTE: **I do _not_ own _Deadliest Warrior_, Marvel comics, or DC comics (I feel like I'm beating a dead horse saying that). Everyone in this story except Geoff Desmoulin, Max Geiger and Armand Dorian are not real. Any suggestions, comments, etc. may be PM'd directly to me. I assure you that I will get back with you.

Anything spoken by the oh-so-awesome Narrator (David Wenham) will be in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Villain: Green Goblin vs. Penguin**

As the show begins, we see a man with green, knobby skin and pointed ears wearing a purple hat, vest, gloves and boots. He smiles wickedly as he holds a device that looks like a small jack-o'-lantern.

_The Green Goblin: the deranged criminal psychopath known the world over for creating havoc and explosive chaos wherever he goes._

We see the Green Goblin flying above a large crowd of people on the streets on his Goblin Glider, then dropping a Pumpkin Bomb amongst them.

We now see a short, squat man with a very large nose in a top hat and tuxedo. He twirls an umbrella and points it at the camera.

_The Penguin: the eccentric criminal mastermind world-renowned for his love of ornithology and shady business dealings._

We see the Penguin assassinating a rebellious gang member with a shot from one of his gun umbrellas.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of numerous comic book-themed weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing the villains' most lethal weapons. Using 21__st__-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two villains went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Supervillain vs. Supervillain. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST VILLAIN!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves back in the old fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle zone where the very foundations of time and space are convoluted to create a world where reality and the comic book universe converge. Here, we've assembled scientists, E.R. doctors and weapons experts, then turned them loose with an arsenal of weapons that any comic book aficionado would cut off his right arm for. It's all to create a fight between two legendary supervillains: the Green Goblin, the chartreuse psychopath who has created havoc for Spider-Man since the hero first swung onto the scene; versus the Penguin, the vile mob ruler whose masterful tactics and gadgets have made him a thorn in Batman's side for many years._

**Green Goblin Stats  
**Real name: Norman Osborn  
Ht: 5'11"  
Wt: 185 lbs  
Gear: 22 lbs  
Armor: Chainmail undersuit  
Superpowers: Superhuman strength, stamina and reflexes, mild regenerative abilities

**Penguin Stats  
**Real name: Oswald Cobblepot  
Ht: 5'2"  
Wt: 159 lbs  
Gear: 14 lbs  
Armor: None  
Superpowers: Assorted bird- and umbrella-related paraphernalia, expert judo skills

_Biomedical scientist and karate black belt Geoff Desmoulin will rig the equipment that will be used to test the weapons._

"I'll be applying my scientific and mechanical knowledge to analyze these two guys' equipment and fighting styles," Desmoulin explains. "These villains both play down and dirty, and they both bring very unconventional weapons to the table. This one is definitely gonna get ugly."

_E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will determine the killing power of each weapon and tactic._

"What's interesting for me is that I get to apply my medical knowledge to each of these strange weapons," the doctor comments. "I'll tell you which weapons would cause concussions, which ones cause lacerations, and which ones will flat-out kill."

_And computer programmer Max Geiger will input the data into a computer simulation program that will determine the winner in a one-on-one battle._

"Today, we have the Green Goblin squaring off against the Penguin," Geiger comments. "These guys couldn't be more different—one is a psychopathic mass-murderer, the other, while he is pure evil, is completely in his right mind. It'll be interesting to see how this one plays out."

We now see a middle-aged man with dark brown hair and a scruffy beard wearing glasses. He's inspecting a nasty-looking device shaped like a bat.

_Providing background data for the Green Goblin's life: Ben Urich. A former investigative journalist for the Daily Bugle, Urich used covert information-gathering to expose the Green Goblin's identity._

"The Goblin is an absolute psychopath," Urich explains. "And that's what makes him so dangerous. He will kill his adversary with a smile on his face, with no remorse for his actions."

We now see a fit man with short black hair and pointy ears wearing a dark blue uniform and golden trident belt. He's wearing a pair of purple gloves as he throws punches at the camera.

_Wielding the Goblin's weapons: Namor the Sub-Mariner. Namor recently helped bring about the Goblin's capture by faking an alliance with him known as the Cabal._

"The Goblin is the deadliest villain because he's so unpredictable," Namor admits. "He will stab anyone in the back to get what he wants from them."

_Harry Osborn was originally the wealthy and well-respected head of the Osborn Industries firm. Gifted in the fields of science, he covertly created a chemical that was to give him super strength and intelligence. After taking the formula that granted him these abilities, however, his mind was also warped, and the destructive force of the Green Goblin emerged, hell-bent on becoming the leader of organized crime in New York. His ultimate goal? Defeat Spider-Man._

"It's not even a fair fight, really—Goblin would kill Penguin all day," Urich boasts. "He's got better technology, better fighting skills, and he's a lot nastier."

_But our Penguin experts believe that the Bumbershoot Bandit will come out on top today._

We see a young woman with long brown hair wearing a dark purple costume, cape, and mask. She points an umbrella at the camera, pressing a button to reveal a blade that shoots out from the tip of the umbrella.

_Fighting for the Penguin: the Huntress, Helena Bertinelli. Huntress has crossed paths with Penguin several times, and even almost killed him on one occasion._

"The Penguin is a despicable piece of sh**," Huntress remarks. "He's one of the meanest of the mean, and he's not afraid to shove an umbrella up your ass if you piss him off."

We now see an older man in glasses, with a white mustache and hair. He's seated at a table as he inspects a few of Penguin's weapons.

_Providing tactical analysis of the Penguin's life and tactics is Gotham City Police Commissioner James Gordon. A close friend of the Batman's, Gordon has helped the Dark Knight uncover some of the Penguin's most corrupt schemes and plots._

"The Penguin isn't like most of the villains Batman's faced," the Commissioner tells us. "He's in his right mind. That makes him especially dangerous because he makes informed, calculated decisions when he fights."

_Oswald Cobblepot was teased as a child due to his appearance, which also set him apart from his aristocratic family. These traits and rejections hardened him, and he vowed revenge on those that mocked him. Adopting the name of "Penguin" due to his love of birds and squat, tuxedoed stature, Cobblepot soon joined up with a feared criminal gang in Gotham City, soon moving up the ranks to control an empire worth over $2 million._

"Penguin's a bastard, but that's what makes him so deadly," Gordon admits. "He's slick, he's resourceful, and he will stab you in the back to get what he wants."

_These two nefarious villains are undoubtedly deadly despite their different fighting styles, but which one would best the other in one-on-one combat?_

"I'm giving this one all to the Green Goblin," Desmoulin admits. "He has a lot more technologically advanced weaponry, plus he's got no remorse for his opponents. That'll take the game for him in the long run."

"I gotta go with the Penguin in this one," Dr. Dorian confesses. "Goblin, while he has some impressive weaponry, is a psychopath. We've seen before that psychotic behavior can cost a person the battle—it happened to Ivan the Terrible, and I think it'll happen to the Green Goblin."

_The Goblin and the Penguin both have one thing in common…they have lethal weaponry. And the Goblin's favorite weapon for causing damage?_

We see the Goblin flying through the air on his signature transport device.

_The __**Goblin Glider**__: a special rocket-powered transport device armed with razor-sharp edges._

The _Deadliest Warrior_ guys are now in front of a table full of nasty-looking weapons used by the Green Goblin. Ben Urich has the Goblin Glider in his hands as he explains to the guys its benefits:

"Now the Goblin can't fly, so he travels around on this. This is a specially-made stainless steel personal transport device…it's powered by three rocket boosters here on the back, and here at the front are two missile launchers that can fire heat-seeking mini-explosives."

"The edges look pretty sharp on this thing, too," Desmoulin observes.

"Oh yeah," says Urich. "These edges are razor-sharp, and they can hack a person in half if there's enough force behind the Glider."

"And that's something I want to see tested for sure," Max affirms.

_To test the Glider's killing potential, our team heads out to the firing range, where a special test is set up._

"Okay, we've got three ballistics gel torsos set up out there," Desmoulin explains to Ben and Namor as Geoff, Dr. Dorian and a few extras set up the targets downrange. "Namor, you're gonna come flying in on that Goblin Glider, just like the Green Goblin, and we'll see how many targets you'll be able to kill."

"Let's do it," Namor says.

Namor stands at the ready on the Goblin Glider as Urich and the hosts stand at a safe distance.

"Ready, Namor?" Desmoulin asks.

"Ready!" Namor shouts.

"On three, two, one…SLICE 'EM!"

Namor rockets toward the three gel torsos with the Goblin Glider. The Glider slices into the first torso's chest as it passes, leaving a very deep wound, and does a similar number to the second torso, leaving a diagonal slice from its right armpit up to its left shoulder. The third torso is hit in the neck with the Glider's sharp edge, causing a near-decapitation wound that sees the head barely hanging onto the body as it snaps backward from the impact of the hit.

"WHOO, YEAH!" Geoff cheers as blood squirts from the torsos and the third torso's head falls backwards off the body.

_The Goblin Glider is a lethal weapon, as admitted by Dr. Dorian as he steps in to assess the damage._

"This is incredible," Dr. Dorian says. "Heck, that thing caused three kill strikes in under two seconds. These guys are literally watching their blood and parts of their lungs and heart just get sliced right out of their body, and this third guy? The last thing he sees is the Goblin flying away on that Glider as his head falls to the ground and he loses consciousness and dies."

"Three kills in two seconds—that's one of the fastest killing weapons we've seen on this show," Desmoulin tells the Green Goblin experts.

Namor bends down and picks up the gel torso's head he decapitated with the Goblin Glider earlier. "See this?" he asks Huntress and the Commissioner as they approach the test site. "This is what'll be left of the Penguin's ugly head once this battle's over."

"Blah, blah, blather on," Huntress says, rolling her eyes. "Penguin had been in worse fights than against your precious little Green Nincompoop. He knows how to handle himself."

_Though the Penguin is versed in hand-to-hand combat, he relies on many tiny henchmen to do some of his dirtiest work at a distance._

We see the Penguin sending a flurry of various species of birds at a group of police to cause a distraction as he makes his getaway.

_Highly trained __**Birds**__: fearless feathered creatures that can strike at any time._

The team is now outside, and the Commissioner and Huntress are standing in front of a large cage full of different types of birds as Huntress explains to the team about them:

"There are two things the Penguin is well-known for…umbrellas and birds. And he uses just about any type of bird you can think of."

"Where does he get so many birds?" Max asks.

"Some, he just gets them right out of the wild," the Commissioner explains. "There are others we know he's stolen from the Gotham Zoo, and we also know he breeds birds as a hobby."

"Well, we've tested an elephant before, but we've never tested birds," Desmoulin admits. "And since there are so many types of birds, we'll probably just need to hit the main types that the Penguin uses."

The team is now seen placing several gel torsos inside the large cage of birds.

_To test some of the Penguin's most commonly used birds, our team places a group of ballistics gel torsos inside a cage of the feathered creatures._

"All right, we've got three torsos inside there, and the birds will attack on your signal. Understand?" Geoff shouts. An animal trainer next to the cage gives a thumbs-up. A few seconds later, he whistles and clicks his teeth, and the various species of birds flock to the gel torsos. Then, like a scene right out of an Alfred Hitchcock movie, they begin pecking and clawing at the gel torsos wildly. A few seconds later, the birds pull back, and the torsos are now covered with blood and lacerations, and their eyes are gouged out.

"WHOO! Go birds!" Geoff cheers.

"Yeah, that's what I'm talking about!" Max joins in.

After the damage is done, the trainer calms the birds down, and the team bring the gel torsos out of the cage so Dr. Dorian can examine them.

"You know that old movie _The Birds_?" Dorian asks as he examines one torso. "That's what this damage reminds me of…those birds just completely ripped open this guy's flesh and exposed his internal organs, and to top it off, they've gouged out this guy's eyes. This is one of the most brutal massacres by an animal I've ever seen in my career."

We now see the same animal trainer leading a large bird with a blue head and black feathers onto the firing range on a leash.

_The Penguin also owns what many consider the deadliest bird on the planet._

"This is a cassowary," the Commissioner says. "They live in Australia, and they're the most dangerous birds on the planet…they've been known to kill people with those razor-sharp talons."

"This is gonna be an interesting test," Geiger predicts.

The team leads in a new ballistics gel torso, and the trainer leads the cassowary up to it.

_Using a fresh ballistics gel torso, our trained cassowary will show the team what it can do._

"All right, on your go," Geoff tells the animal trainer.

The trainer makes some whistling and clicking noises, and suddenly the cassowary kicks the torso in the stomach with its long, strong legs, raking open the gut with its talons. After a few seconds of swift kicks, the team steps in to assess the damage.

"Okay, this is a definite kill strike," Dr. Dorian says as he steps in to examine the bloody torso. "That bird is like a velociraptor or something, coming in with those claws and just ripping its enemy apart. You've hit the intestines, the kidneys, and parts of the liver. If this guy doesn't get to a hospital, he's gonna die for sure."

_But which special weapon will give its user an edge in battle?_

"The Goblin Glider takes it, hands down," Desmoulin says to the camera. "It can kill more swiftly than the birds can, and the Goblin also has a better chance of fleeing from the birds than Penguin does at fleeing from the Glider."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to Green Goblin for the Goblin Glider. But this match is only starting to get nasty, as both villains are ready to unleash their medium-range tools of destruction. And for Goblin, nothing is better at dealing death at a distance than:_

We see Goblin throwing a pair of sharp boomerangs at Spider-Man as the web-slinger gives chase.

_**Razor Boomerangs**__: sharp-edged throwing tools that can hack a man's limbs off._

We're back inside, and Namor and Urich are at the table of Goblin's weapons with the _Deadliest Warrior_ hosts. Urich explains to them about the Razor Boomerangs:

"These were specially made by the Green Goblin to take out opponents at a distance. These travel end-over-end when thrown, and they're basically like ninja stars…they always hit point-first."

"We've tested a lot of throwing weapons on this show, but we've never tested any type of boomerang," Geiger admits. "Do these really come back after you throw them?"

"Well, they _are_ boomerangs," Namor replies. "As long as you throw them correctly and they don't stick in your target, they'll come back all day long."

_To test the Boomerangs, our team sets up a new target for Namor to take aim at._

"Namor, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Yes, sir!" Namor replies.

"On three, two, one…THROW IT!"

Namor throws the Razor Boomerang at the foam torso on Geoff's word, slicing into the torso's stomach. As blood begins to pour out of the wound, the boomerang returns to Namor, and he throws it a second time at the torso. This time, the boomerang embeds itself in the target's neck.

"All right!" Geoff shouts as the Boomerang makes contact the first time.

_The Razor Boomerang is a great projectile weapon, but is the damage done by it enough to kill? Dr. Dorian steps in to examine the damage._

"Okay, this first strike hit the stomach," Dr. Dorian begins. "That hits the intestines, gonna cause a lot of bleeding, but it won't kill right away. However, this next shot hit the neck—that severs the jugular vein, and if he doesn't do something to stop this bleeding immediately, this guy's a goner."

"This is one of the best weapons Goblin has in his arsenal because he can use it over and over again," Namor brags as the Penguin team comes up behind him.

"Well, it _did_ take you two shots to take out the target," Huntress observes. "Penguin's a lot stronger than he looks…he might be able to close the distance without actually getting killed with this."

_And the Penguin has his own way of dealing with his rivals._

We see the Penguin kicking open a door to reveal a rival gangster in a bathtub. He aims his umbrella at the naked man and fires a bullet from it, shooting the man right between the eyes.

_The __**Umbrella Gun**__: a vicious surprise hidden inside a simple accessory._

The Commissioner is now holding a black umbrella as Max and Dr. Dorian stand nearby. He begins to explain to the guys about the deadly parasol:

"This is the one thing the Penguin never travels anywhere without…his umbrella. It's a necessity on a rainy day, and it also doubles as a cane."

"I don't see how that would compete with the Goblin's Boomerang, though," Max says, clearly unimpressed.

"Well, just hold on," Gordon continues. "Built right into the shaft of this umbrella is a .35 caliber rifle that can hold up to ten bullets. Penguin has wounded and even gunned down a few members of the Gotham Police Force with an umbrella just like this one."

"Well, that's certainly a different way to use an umbrella," Max admits. "Let's go see what it can do."

_To test the Umbrella Gun's power, our team sets up a foam torso that will mimic the gun would do to an actual human body._

We now see everyone standing in the indoor firing range. Commissioner Gordon has the Umbrella Gun in his hand as he prepares to shoot the torso in front of him.

"Are you ready, Commissioner?" Geoff shouts.

"Ready, sir," Gordon replies.

"On three, two, one…FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Gordon pulls the trigger on the Umbrella Gun, firing a single bullet into the torso's chest. Blood begins to pour out of the wound made by the gun, but the Commissioner now takes aim at the torso's head, blowing it completely off with his second shot.

"WHOOO!" Geoff cheers.

"Oh yeah!" Max agrees.

_The damage done by the Umbrella Gun is devastating._

"I don't even need to tell you guys that this guy is dead," Dr. Dorian says. "One bullet right through the heart, the second one blew the head completely off…this guy is done."

_Despite the damage done, our Green Goblin team isn't that impressed._

"Hey, Goblin wears bulletproof chainmail," Urich says. "There's no way that this weapon can get through…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…_bulletproof_ chainmail?" Geoff interrupts. "We've tested chainmail on this show before, and I can attest it is _not_ bulletproof."

"Well, you haven't tested the Goblin's chainmail," Urich replies. "I say this gun won't even penetrate the stuff."

"We'll see about that," the Commissioner says.

The team sets up a fresh foam torso, but this time, it has been fitted with the Goblin's signature purple chainmail.

_To test the bullet-stopping power of the chainmail, our team sets up a fresh target. Under the chainmail, the team has placed a load cell that will determine if any bones under the chainmail will have been broken by the bullet's impact._

"On your go," Geoff tells the Commissioner.

"Fire in the hole!" Gordon shouts before firing the umbrella gun. The bullet exits the gun and hits the chainmail-covered dummy in the chest. A shock wave travels through the dummy as it snaps back, but the bullet appears to have deflected off the chainmail. Nonetheless, blood looks to be trickling down the torso's stomach.

"All right!" Geoff says.

_Did the Umbrella Gun penetrate the Green Goblin's chainmail?_

"Well, gentlemen, I've got some good news and some bad news," Geoff says to Ben and Namor as he approaches the bloody, chainmail-covered torso. "The good news is that you were right—this chainmail actually stopped the bullet from penetrating. The bad news is that the bullet actually packed enough power to deliver about 150 pounds of pressure on this torso's chest. That's enough to break several ribs, and maybe even the sternum if it hits right in the center here. Plus, there are parts of this chainmail that actually came off and embedded themselves in the chest, so that's what you see causing the bleeding coming out right here."

"Looks like all your talk was a lot of hot air, gentlemen," the Commissioner says.

"Well, Goblin also has his healing factor," Ben reminds the team. "He would definitely heal himself of these broken bones and bruises, and come back and win this fight."

"Yeah, it sounds like you're trying to backpedal against the evidence right here in front of us, dude," Max says, shaking his head. "Goblin chainmail vs. Umbrella Gun, Umbrella Gun wins hands-down."

_Ben isn't giving up, but the numbers don't lie. For medium-range weapons, the Penguin gets the edge for his high-caliber umbrella. But our villains are now ready to unsheathe their close-range killers, and the Green Goblin's favorite weapon for getting up-close and personal:_

We see the Green Goblin grabbing an innocent victim by the throat and sending a powerful jolt of electricity through the man's body through his gloves.

_The __**Electro Gloves**__: 10,000-volt gauntlets of destruction._

We see Namor wearing a pair of purple gloves as Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian stand nearby. Namor starts to explain all about the gloves:

"These are the Green Goblin's gloves," he says. "These are laced with electrical impulses, and will render anybody unconscious if they touch them."

"Looks like it's time to bring out the living targets again," Geoff says reluctantly.

"He's not gonna be happy about it, though," Max tells Geoff.

Max and Geoff are now seen practically dragging our old buddy the ninja into the testing area.

_To test the knockout power of the Electro Gloves, our team has brought in a willing subject._

The ninja is seen giving a very familiar single-fingered gesture to the narrator.

"Namor, are you ready?" Geoff shouts.

"Ready!" Namor says as the ninja shakes his head 'no'.

"On three, two, one…SHOCK HIM!"

On Geoff's word, the ninja tries to flee, but Namor grabs him by the shoulder with the Electro Gloves. The ninja begins convulsing violently as the electricity courses through his body. A few seconds later, he falls onto the floor, having spasms every few seconds.

"Whoa!" Desmoulin says, and he and Max rush to help the ninja out. "Are you alright, Yoshi?"

The ninja just lays there, convulsing every few seconds. Finally, he shakes his head and, with the Doctor's help, gets to his feet.

"He's fine," Dr. Dorian says as he helps the ninja up. "I think he may not be able to hear anything for a few days, though…"

_The Electro Gloves are a great stunning weapon, but their electric pulses are deemed too weak to kill unless they're used repeatedly._

"Those Gloves are just a little parlor trick," the Commissioner tells us. "The Joker's done it a thousand times…the Penguin's got something much more lethal."

_Penguin's close-quarters weapon is yet another weapon disguised as a simple umbrella._

We see the Penguin shoving a bank guard back into a wall and stabbing him through the gut with a blade on the tip of his umbrella.

_The **Umbrella Sword**: a must-have accessory for a rainy day._

The Commissioner and Huntress are now standing next to Geoff and Max. Commissioner Gordon has the Umbrella Sword as he begins to explain how it works:

"Guns aren't the only thing Penguin builds into umbrellas—he also has several umbrellas with deadly sharp blades on the tip. This blade is made of solid steel, and can cut like a ginsu."

"Well, our ninja's just turned in his resignation, so it's a good thing we can't test this on living people," Desmoulin says, looking back at some stagehands putting a "Help Wanted" sign on the fight club window.

_To test the Umbrella Sword, Huntress will demonstrate its piercing power on the closest thing to human flesh—a pig carcass._

"Are you ready, Huntress?" Desmoulin asks.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Huntress replies, standing at the ready with the Umbrella Sword.

"On three, two, one…STAB IT!"

Huntress presses a button on the Umbrella, revealing the blade from the tip, then stabs the hanging pig carcass with the blade, leaving a nasty-looking puncture wound. She keeps stabbing the suspended pig, and blood pours from the dead animal's body as Huntress places about seven stab wounds all over the pig.

"Yeah!" Geoff shouts as Huntress makes a pincushion out of the pig. When she finally stops, Dr. Dorian steps in to examine the carnage.

"Well, you've definitely hit some significant arteries with that sword," he says. "Looks like you've also punctured one of the lungs—that's gonna further incapacitate this guy along with all this mess you've caused. But with all these shots you've made, though, I'd say it all equals a kill strike."

"This is a nasty weapon alright," Huntress adds.

_Both weapons pack nasty punches, but which weapon will give its villain the important edge in close-combat?_

"Umbrella Sword, all the way," Desmoulin tells Geiger and Dr. Dorian. "The Electro Gloves aren't really lethal unless you shock somebody continuously with them. With the Umbrella Sword, it's one hit, one kill."

"Agreed," Dr. Dorian says. "You can survive an electric shock. If that Umbrella Sword hits you in the wrong place, you're dead meat."

"I guess it's unanimous—edge to the Umbrella Sword," Max says, confirming it.

_For close-range weapons, the edge goes to the Penguin for his Umbrella Sword. But our villains have yet to unleash their most explosive weapons of all. And the Green Goblin's favorite explosive weapon is his most deadly accessory of all._

We see the Goblin throwing a jack-o'-lantern-shaped bomb into a crowd of frightened people.

_The **Pumpkin Bomb**: a handheld havoc-inducer._

Namor and Ben are back on the firing range with Max, Geoff and Dr. Dorian. Namor holds a Pumpkin Bomb in his hand as he explains how it works:

"This could well be the most dangerous thing the Goblin carries around—they're very lightweight, and they'll explode with the slightest touch."

Namor pitches the Pumpkin Bomb about ten feet behind him. Fortunately, the bomb isn't filled with anything, and it simply crumples like torn paper when it touches the ground.

"If that was filled with gas, we'd all be knocked out," Namor says. "If it was filled with incendiary materials, this place would go up in flames in a few seconds."

"Okay, it's a dangerous weapon, no doubt about it," Max says. "But let's see if those incendiary contents the Goblin usually fills them with could actually kill somebody."

_The Pumpkin Bomb is a deadly weapon that can kill both opponent and user, so our team has brought in a bomb expert to test the fiery grenades._

The hosts, Namor and Ben are now seen standing at a safe distance, while the bomb expert carefully and tediously rigs the Pumpkin Bomb to explode next to a group of three ballistics gel bodies. After a few finishing touches, he quickly slinks away, and gives the team a thumbs-up signal that he's finished.

"All right, he's done…here we go!" Dr. Dorian says as he presses the button. A split-second later, a surprisingly quiet explosion occurs around the test area, sending a massive cloud of fire and black smoke into the air. A few seconds later, we see the gel torsos burning in the flaming wreckage.

"Yeah!" Geoff and Max cheer as Dr. Dorian claps.

_The Pumpkin Bomb is a deadly weapon, and our team's investigation of the aftermath confirms it._

"This is one of the deadliest explosive weapons I've ever seen," Desmoulin admits. "Look at that guy; his entire chest cavity is gone!" he says, pointing to an unfortunate gel torso.

"No question about it; these guys are all dead," Dr. Dorian says. "Nothing could survive an explosion like what we just saw."

_But despite the Pumpkin Bomb's power, our experts aren't impressed._

"That's quite the powerful bomb," Commissioner Gordon says, clapping slowly. "But you said it yourself—if you handle it even slightly incorrectly, it'll blow up in your hand. And if that happens, you're a goner."

"Plus, the Penguin's got explosives, too," Huntress says.

_The Penguin also uses an unconventional explosive weapon:_

We see a crowd of people gather around a strange-looking bird figurine that is squawking rapidly. Suddenly, the bird explodes, sending the people flying.

_The **Penguin Robot Bomb**: an innocent-looking toy bird that packs a deadly surprise._

Huntress is now out on the firing range with Max, Geoff and Dorian. By her side is a knee-high penguin statue, and she begins to explain to the guys what it is:

"This is a very deceiving weapon," Huntress says. "It looks just like a little toy penguin, but it's actually packed with a lethal dose of Semtex plastic explosive. Penguin can activate it from afar, and it's got enough blast power to kill anybody within a 15-foot radius."

"All right, it's a covert weapon," Max admits. "But let's see if it can kill as far as you say it can."

Huntress is now seen setting up the Penguin Robot Bomb in another spot on the range, with three foam torsos surrounding it at various distances.

_To test the Penguin Bomb, our team has set up three targets at five, ten, and fifteen feet away. Shock patches on the targets will determine if the blast from the bomb has killed them._

Huntress races back to the safe area, where the Commissioner and our hosts are already positioned.

"All right, Doc, let 'er rip!" Geoff says.

Dr. Dorian presses the button, and the little Penguin Bomb begins squawking slowly and flapping its flippers. The team watches as the squawking and flapping gets louder and faster, and after about ten seconds, the Penguin Bomb explodes, sending shrapnel out about fifteen feet in all directions and blowing a chunk of one of the foam torsos' heads off.

"Yeah!" Geoff cheers as Max and Dr. Dorian clap.

_A nasty b__last—but was it enough to kill all the targets?_

"All right, let's see here," Desmoulin says to the others as they appear on the scene to analyze the damage done. "No need to analyze this first guy—half his face is gone. This guy's dead for certain. Let's go check the second guy out…the 100G patch is tripped, so the shock wave got this guy, too. And let's see here, the third guy…well, the 50G patch is tripped, but the 100G patch is not. This guy's disoriented, possibly has a popped eardrum from the noise, but he survived this blast."

"He's a lucky one, is all," Huntress replies.

"Well, we tested two really powerful explosive weapons, and both of them are absolutely effective," Geiger summarizes.

_But which explosive weapon gives its villain a nasty edge in battle?_

"I don't like the fact that the Pumpkin Bombs are so dangerous," Geoff admits. "Goblin has to be extra careful with 'em, or they could blow up in his hand. The Penguin Bomb is a much more stable weapon, but even so, it's stationary, and I don't like that."

"I agree," Max says. "The Pumpkin Bomb gives you options, and I think its advantages outweigh its disadvantages. Edge goes to the Green Goblin here."

_For explosive weapons, the edge goes to the Green Goblin for the Pumpkin Bombs._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested in this episode.

_The testing is now complete. Max will now load all the data into a battle simulation program that will determine our winner._

**Close-range weapons edge: Penguin, for the Umbrella Sword  
****Medium-range weapons edge: Penguin, for the Umbrella Gun  
****Special weapons edge: Green Goblin, for the Goblin Glider  
****Explosive weapons edge: Green Goblin, for the Pumpkin Bombs**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky blow, Max will simulate the battle one thousand times. It will be a battle of opposites: sanity…_

We see the Penguin making a peaceful transaction with a rival criminal underboss, passing money to him in a dimly lit room.

_Versus _in_sanity._

We see the Goblin laughing maniacally as he tosses a Pumpkin Bomb into a crowd, and the people run for cover.

"I think I've got all the factors plugged in," says Max to Geoff and Dr. Dorian nearby. "Shall I go ahead and start the battle?"

"Of course," Geoff encourages.

Max presses a button on the laptop, and the screen becomes covered in a _Matrix_-like background, giving way to the battle.

**The Battle**

The battle takes place in Gotham City around noon. As the camera zooms in on the Gotham City Bank, we hear the alarms inside blaring. A few seconds later, the Penguin emerges from the front doors with a group of his thugs, each one carrying a big bag of money they have stolen from the vault inside. The rotund villain cackles as he and his men casually stroll down the steps and climb into a waiting getaway car, where his men pack the money and themselves in the backseat. Penguin climbs into the passenger's seat, shuts the door, and tells his driver to take off. The car speeds down the road as we now cut to a nearby alley, where the Green Goblin is lurking in the shadows, having watched the robbery unfold. He jumps on top of his Goblin Glider and follows the car down the street, preparing a Pumpkin Bomb in the process. The driver of the car looks out the rear-view mirror at the strange green creature following them, and mentions to his boss about it. Penguin snarls as he looks in the side mirror and sees the Goblin—as well as the jack-o'-lantern-shaped grenade that crashes through the back window of the long car. Penguin correctly recognizes the smoking pumpkin as an explosive, and opens the door as he barrels out of the car just as the bomb detonates, destroying the car and killing many of Penguin's men. As the few survivors scatter, Penguin squawks in anger as he looks up at the Goblin, who laughs as he pulls out a gas-filled Pumpkin Bomb. As Goblin throws the bomb down at Penguin, the gangster jumps out of the way again just in time. The Goblin zooms away on his Glider before Penguin activates a helicopter inside his umbrella, whizzing off after the fleeing Goblin. Green Goblin lands atop a tall building and looks around in search of the Bumbershoot Bandit, but the Penguin ducks into an alley nearby and aims another of his umbrellas at the Goblin, firing the rifle built into it. The bullet strikes the Goblin in the leg, causing Osborn to flinch in pain. Goblin shakes it off and mounts his Glider again, taking off in search of the Penguin.

Seeing an opportunity, Cobblepot fires another shot from his Umbrella Gun—at the Glider. The Glider turns end-over-end, sending the Goblin careening off it and straight into a dumpster in the alley where the Penguin is. Penguin squawks with glee for a few seconds, until Green Goblin bursts from the dumpster, roaring as he rushes toward the tuxedoed gangster with his arms flailing madly, punching him in the face and sending him back into the block wall behind him. The Goblin smirks as he cracks his knuckles, the electricity sparking from his gloves. He sends an electric shock at the Penguin, but the Penguin dodges and stabs Goblin in the leg with his umbrella sword. The Goblin screams in pain as the Penguin distances himself, then flies away on his umbrella helicopter. The Goblin shakes his head and roars in frustration as he mounts his Goblin Glider and gives chase. Goblin shakily retrieves a pair of Razor Boomerangs from his side and throws them at the fleeing Penguin; Cobblepot dodges one boomerang, but the other slices him in the left arm, causing him to begin falling from the sky. He puts his hand to his mouth and whistles, however, and from out of nowhere comes a flock of crows, who bring Penguin down safely on the roof of a building. The Goblin throws another Razor Boomerang at Penguin; the Bumbershoot Bandit dodges it, but one of his crows isn't so lucky—the Boomerang slices the poor bird in half before returning to the Goblin. The Goblin laughs at the bird's misfortune, enraging the Penguin, who rushes forward and punches Goblin in the face, then kicks him in the chest, knocking him down. Surprised at the little man's quickness, the Green Goblin recovers and throws two Razor Boomerangs at Penguin, but the Penguin dodges them both and rushes toward Goblin with his Umbrella Sword. The Goblin begins to prepare his last Pumpkin Bomb, though, and the Penguin re-thinks his strategy, ducking behind a partition as the bomb explodes. The Penguin begins fumbling in his pocket, finally finding what he's looking for—a Penguin Robot Bomb. The Penguin heads through the door to the stairs leading inside the building, planting the bomb inside. He then opens the door and fires his Umbrella Gun at the wall next to him. The Goblin takes the bait, growling as he rushes toward where the shot came from. He opens the door—only to be grabbed by the Penguin and heaved against the wall of the stairway. The Penguin heads back out onto the roof and jams the door shut behind him with his umbrella, hoping this will work. Back inside, Goblin starts to follow the Penguin outside, but the door won't budge. He looks back at the robot on the stairs curiously as it starts quacking: slowly at first, but then faster and faster. As the squawks reach the pinnacle of their speed, the Goblin suddenly realizes what's going on, and desperately tries to open the jammed door. He looks at the penguin figurine in horror just before it explodes, sending the Goblin crashing through the door and onto the roof outside. The Penguin peeks out from behind an air unit before he cautiously approaches the downed Goblin, and pokes him with his umbrella a few times. Satisfied that the Goblin is dead, the Penguin smiles evilly, and activates his Umbrella helicopter before whizzing away.

**Winner: Penguin**

"Out of a thousand battles, the Penguin emerged victorious about 53% of the time," Max explains. "It was definitely a close fight, but the Penguin took it because he was actually sane—the Goblin's maniacal, unstable nature caused him to make rash decisions and zone out in the heat of the battle, and that enabled the Penguin to surprise the Green Goblin with his unconventional bird- and umbrella-based weaponry."

_In a close contest, Penguin won 533 battles, his deadliest weapon being his umbrella gun._

**Penguin Kills: 533  
**Birds: 155  
Umbrella Gun: 221  
Umbrella Sword: 59  
Penguin Robot Bomb: 98

_The Goblin wasn't that far behind with 467 kills. Three of his weapons scored kills in the triple digits, but they weren't enough._

**Green Goblin Kills: 467  
**Goblin Glider: 146  
Razor Boomerang: 125  
Electro Gloves: 13  
Pumpkin Bomb: 183

"I've gotta admit, I'm a little surprised," Geoff said. "I guess the Penguin is a lot more than some chubby little man with an umbrella. His weapons really work, and they can surprise the hell out of you a lot of times."

"I'm not convinced," Urich says. "In real life, the Green Goblin would massacre that silly little birdman."

"The Penguin is a despicable man, but he deserves respect," Gordon comments. "He's proven time and time again that he's a force to be reckoned with, and he sure proved it today."

We now see The Penguin standing in the streets, his hands outstretched as a flock of pigeons fly out from him. He lets out a squawky cackle as the show comes to a close.

Chapter 9 is in the history books, and DC pulls ahead again as our total now comes to 4-5. But don't lose hope, Marvel fans…some of the best fights are yet to come! Next time, we're back to team battles, as two of the most secretive criminal cults face off against one another in a fight to the finish. Marvel's HYDRA takes on DC's H.I.V.E. in our next chapter. Don't miss it!


	10. Chapter 10: HYDRA vs HIVE

Hi guys—miss me? Hard to believe it's been almost a year since I've updated this. Sometimes real life takes precedence, unfortunately. Anyhow, let's get to it!

**NOTE**: I don't own Marvel, DC, or _Deadliest Warrior_—if I owned the latter; the show would never have been cancelled. Everyone in this story is fictional save the three _DW_ hosts. Any questions or suggestions can be PM'd straight to me. You have my word that I will get back with you.

Anything spoken by the Narrator (known to _300_ fans as David Wenham) is henceforth in _ITALICS_.

**Deadliest Villain: HYDRA vs. H.I.V.E.**

As the show begins, we see a man in a green jumpsuit accentuated with yellow lines, a green helmet, and goggles with red lenses. He fires several rounds from a light machine gun at the camera.

_HYDRA: the despicable terrorist organization who will stop at nothing to reshape the world in their own image._

We see a group of HYDRA troopers opening fire on a group of police with various firearms.

We now see another man in a black-and-gold uniform with an 'H' on the front, and a gold helmet with large blue eyeguards. He points a futuristic-looking yellow-and-black gun at the camera.

_The H.I.V.E.: the covert criminal organization bent on eliminating the world's superheroes one by one._

We see a team of H.I.V.E. troopers locked in hand-to-hand combat with some members of the Teen Titans.

_WHO…IS…DEADLIEST?_

We now see a montage of various weapons being tested.

_To find out, our world-class fighters are testing __the villains' most lethal weapons. __Using 21st-century science, we'll see what would happen if the two villains went toe-to-toe—no rules, no safety, no mercy. Supervillain vs. Supervillain. Marvel vs. DC. It's a duel to the death, to decide who is…_

_**THE DEADLIEST VILLAIN!**_

As the title sequence ends, we find ourselves in the old familiar fight club.

_Welcome to the fight club, a high-tech battle arena where the very foundations of space and time intertwine, causing reality and the comic book world to meet. Here, we've assembled scientists, doctors, computer experts, and a weapons arsenal for the ages. It's all to create a true-to-life battle between two legendary covert organizations: HYDRA, the dastardly group hell-bent on establishing a fascist new world order, versus the H.I.V.E., the covert cult-like organization determined to rid the world of its superhuman protectors._

**HYDRA Stats  
**First appearance: 1965  
Allegiance: Baron Strucker  
Gear: 10 lbs  
Armor: Combat helmet, shielded goggles  
Members: Approximately 5,000

**H.I.V.E. Stats  
**First appearance: 1980  
Allegiance: Queen Bee  
Gear: 12 lbs  
Armor: Kevlar helmet, goggles  
Members: Unknown

_Biomedical scientist Geoff Desmoulin rigs the mechanisms that will test each weapon and tactic._

"Today, we have two very secretive criminal organizations facing off against one another," Desmoulin says. "Most of what these guys are all about is shrouded in mystery, but today, we're concentrating solely on the weapons and armor these guys use."

_E.R. doctor Armand Dorian will analyze the killing power each strike possesses._

"These guys use some nasty weapons, so I've got a feeling I'll be getting my gloves out for pretty much all the tests today," Dr. Dorian tells us.

_And computer programmer Max Geiger will input all the data into a battle simulation program to simulate a 5-on-5 battle between the two factions._

"Not much is known about these two factions that we're pitting against one another today," Geiger explains. "As such, we're relying on what our experts tell us, and we'll plug this into the computer and run it a thousand times. I'm sure we'll get a close fight out of this one."

We now see a muscular, bald African-American man with a patch over his left eye*. He's wielding a shotgun, firing several rounds at targets off-camera.

_Providing tactical analysis for HYDRA: Nick Fury. Nick is the head of a covert government organization known as S.H.I.E.L.D., which deals with superhuman threats like HYDRA._

"HYDRA ain't afraid of anybody," Nick tells us. "They're absolute psychos that will kill you with no remorse for what they do."

We now see a beautiful woman with flaming red hair dressed in a black leather outfit. She swings a long sword at the camera.

_Testing HYDRA's weapons is current S.H.I.E.L.D. operative and assassin Black Widow, who has crossed paths with HYDRA on many occasions._

"HYDRA is one of the most secretive groups of opponents I've ever faced," Black Widow says. "They will stop at nothing to kill their opponents."

_Instructed by criminal mastermind Red Skull to form a fascist power base in the Far East, Baron von Strucker developed a partnership with a Japanese subversive group which eventually grew to become HYDRA. After World War II, the group attempted to overthrow world governments and destabilize currency markets, but was apparently destroyed by S.H.I.E.L.D. HYDRA reformed, however, taking a much more terroristic approach to their policies, utilizing everything from kidnappings to biological warfare._

"There's a reason they're called HYDRA," Nick explains. "Just like the Greek monster, if you cut off one head, there's three more that grow back in its place. You just can't kill it!"

_That's news to our H.I.V.E. experts, who say that they'll be chopping off and burning HYDRA's heads today._

We see a young woman with dark brown hair inspecting a table full of firearms.

_Representing the H.I.V.E.: Talia al-Ghul. Talia is a former member of the villainous organization, and knows their tactics and strategies well._

"The H.I.V.E. is deadly because they function like their namesake," Talia explains. "There's a leader—a queen, if you will—and hundreds of drones, whose only purpose is to serve their leader, fight, and if need be, die for their organization."

We now see a burly African-American man with numerous robotic parts all over his body. He's inspecting a light machine gun.

_Testing the H.I.V.E.'s weapons and tactics: Cyborg. A former member of the Teen Titans, Cyborg has fought the H.I.V.E. before, and is very familiar with their fighting styles._

"The H.I.V.E. fight as a unit," Cyborg explains. "They function just like a swarm of bees—if you kill one member, there are about fifty or sixty more waiting to blow your brains out."

_Not much is known about the history of the H.I.V.E., which stands for Hierarchy of International Vengeance and Extermination. Some sources claim that it was formed by a man known only as the H.I.V.E. Master, who gathered together many villains and criminal scientists. Their goal: to take over the world by eliminating the world's superheroes. The H.I.V.E eventually grew to be a force to be reckoned with, recruiting such famous villains as Gorilla Grodd and Deathstroke._

"HYDRA has no chance today," Talia boasts. "The H.I.V.E. will destroy them because they are the most elite of the elite…they don't fight for themselves, they fight for the good of the organization."

_Both of these teams have members that would die for what they feel is a greater cause, but which one would come out on top in a five-on-five foot-trooper battle? Our experts have differing opinions._

"My initial edge goes to HYDRA," Desmoulin says. "They've been around longer, and they've got some nasty in-close fighting styles."

"I don't know much about either of these two groups," Dr. Dorian admits. "But if there's one thing I've learned, it's to expect the unexpected on this show. So in this case, I'm going with the fresh and the new, and that's the H.I.V.E."

_Both these groups are incredibly secretive, and not much is known about what kind of weaponry and fighting styles they utilize. However, one of the most-confiscated weapons from HYDRA is a deadly long-distance killing machine._

We see a group of HYDRA troopers firing on a group of armed police officers with machine guns.

_The __**Stoner 63 Light Machine Gun**__: a gas-operated monster that mows down anything in its path._

Our experts are outside on the firing range, and Fury has the Stoner in his hands as he explains to the guys about its benefits:

"This is a tried-and-true weapon that we've confiscated off HYDRA many times," Fury explains. "It's not the most modern machine gun, but Strucker once owned a portion of the Dutch firm that manufactured these in the late 1960s, so he could get 'em cheap and distribute them to his workers."

"This indeed looks like a formidable LMG—you could probably use it as an assault rifle, too," Geoff observes. "But to get an accurate measure of its true power, we need to see it in action."

_To test the Stoner, Geoff sets up a test of accuracy and speed. Fury will attempt to take out six targets at increasing distances._

"Alright, Fury, we've got six foam targets out there," Geoff says, pointing at an area off in the distance with several plywood hiding areas. "Some are stationary, and some are gonna pop up behind those structures we've built. You'll be timed, and we'll see how long it takes you to take 'em all out."

Fury only nods as a response.

We now see Fury with the Stoner 63, ready to advance on the targets in the test. Geoff, Max and Dr. Dorian are standing off to the side.

"Alright, Fury, we'll start the timer when you advance on 'em," Geoff says. "Three, two, one—have at it!"

On Geoff's word, Fury heads toward the plywood structures and guns down a stationary foam target positioned behind a plywood wall in a volley of bullets. He keeps going and shoots another stationary target in the head, then empties his 20-round magazine on a third, moving target. He ducks behind a plywood wall as he reloads his gun with another 20 rounds, then heads out again to finish off his targets. He hits the fourth overall and final stationary target a few seconds later, and cuts the final target in half with bullets as it crosses behind a low plywood wall.

"Time!" Geoff shouts when Fury defeats the last target. "1:22—okay, nice job!"

_An impressive time, but did Fury kill all his targets?_

"Well, this first guy's been hit several times right above the heart—that's almost certainly a kill strike," Dr. Dorian says as he and the team examine the targets. "Next guy…well, his head's been blown clean off, so that's self-explanatory there. And this third guy has two shots in his neck; that's gonna bleed like spit, and if he doesn't stop it, he'll die in a few minutes. Let's go over here and look at these last two."

They all head to the far end of the target range to look at the final two targets. "Okay, great work—let's actually look at the last guy you hit here," Dr. Dorian begins. "You sprayed him right across the abdomen, almost cut him in half. This guy's a dead goner. And this other guy, you hit right in the side here multiple times, right in the liver. This isn't an insta-kill, but that's about the only good thing about it. As a doctor, I can tell you that giving this guy a liver transplant would be the only thing we could do to save his life, and if he doesn't get to a hospital like right now, he's dead."

"Four definite kills and one mortal wound," Geoff says. "Not bad at all."

_Despite the impressive showing, our H.I.V.E. experts aren't worried._

"Pretty nice shooting," Cyborg says. "But we've got an LMG that makes that thing you're holding look like a toy."

We see a H.I.V.E. trooper firing a round from a machine gun into an innocent bystander, killing him instantly.

_The __**M249 Light Machine Gun**__: a variation of a Belgian weapon, guaranteed to cause havoc wherever it goes._

Everyone's still on the firing range as Cyborg begins to explain the perks of the M249 to Geoff and Max:

"This gun was manufactured in Belgium," he says. "It's gas-operated, air-cooled, and it's very quick to change barrels if it overheats."

"The M249 is also used by U.S. Armed Forces, if I'm not mistaken," Geoff says. "But let's see if it can stack up to what the Stoner did."

Cyborg is standing at the front of the same area Fury used for the Stoner 63's target testing, the M249 loaded and ready to go.

"Alright, Cyborg, you've got the same targets Fury had," Geoff shouts. "You'll be on the clock, so make it count. Ready?"

"Ready!" Cyborg shouts.

"On three, two, one—GO!"

On Geoff's word, Cyborg rushes toward the plywood area, mowing down the first target in a volley of machine gun fire. He advances into the maze of plywood, taking out another stationary target a few seconds later, and blows a moving target's head completely off with another blast of gunfire. He ducks behind a low plywood wall to reload the empty gun, taking several seconds less than Fury did with the Stoner 63, then pops back up to mow down the remaining two targets with a shower of bullets.

"Time!" Geoff shouts. "Okay, 1:05! You beat Fury's time, but let's check the targets to see how many you killed."

Everyone moves in to assess the damage.

"Okay, this first guy has about five or six bullet holes in his chest, so that's a given," Dr. Dorian says as he examines the torsos. "Next guy…right through the heart, that's also an insta-kill. Guy #3—well, he has no head anymore. Moving on…"

Everyone heads to the opposite side of the course to examine the last two targets. "Well, you didn't have to advance on these targets as much as Nick did, but you actually did more damage than he did. This first guy has two wounds in his stomach, three in his chest, and one right through his eye—he's done like dinner. And this last guy, you hit him about three times, but this shot right to his neck would go right through his trachea, his larynx, and right out the back of the neck. This guy's also dead."

"Five kills out of five," Max says, nodding. "Impressive shooting."

"No sweat, fro-boy," Cyborg replies, ruffling the smaller Geiger's hair.

_Both machine guns pack a deadly punch, but which one will give its team an edge in combat?_

"The Stoner's a little lighter, and it's less prone to jamming," Geoff says. "However, I think that's where its advantages end. The M249 has higher-caliber bullets, can hit from a longer distance, and it takes less time to reload. So in this case, I think I have to give a _very_ slight edge to the M249."

_It's unbelievably close, but the edge goes to the H.I.V.E. for the M249. But this match has only just begun, as our factions now pull out their close-quarters weaponry. And HYDRA soldiers are often known to carry a weapon originally introduced by Baron Strucker himself._

We see a HYDRA soldier stabbing a police officer through the neck with a long machete-shaped sword.

_The __**Falchion Sword**__: a three-foot blade that can hack a man's head off with a single swipe._

Black Widow holds the sword in her hands as she explains to Geoff and Dr. Dorian its benefits.

"This is an eastern European weapon that Baron Strucker always carried around with him," Black Widow says. "He mass-ordered them in the 1970's, and now even the lowest-ranking grunts of HYDRA own one."

"That's certainly a nasty-looking weapon, and you certainly make it look all the more intimidating," Geoff says, flirting slightly with Black Widow. "Let's go test it out and find out if it can live up to its appearance."

_The falchion will be tested on the closest thing to human flesh: a pig carcass._

"Are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Black Widow says as she stands before the hanging pig with the falchion at the ready.

"On three, two, one…GO!"

On Geoff's signal, Black Widow swings the sword at the pig, leaving its hindquarters hanging from the carcass. She keeps hacking away at the pig, slicing open its chest and stomach, spilling out entrails and blood onto the floor with every slash. To finish up, she thrusts the sword through the pig's neck.

"Whoa!" Geoff shouts as Max and Dr. Dorian look on at the carnage.

"That…was impressive," Dr. Dorian says as he inspects the pig. "Just one swipe of that sword cut the pig's spine in half—that takes a lot of force. And look at this thrust through the neck: severing the jugular and carotid. This sword is an effective killing weapon."

Cyborg and Talia now enter the scene. Cyborg is shaking his head.

"Well, who walks around with swords these days?" he says. "That thing's like, what, four or five feet long? The H.I.V.E. troopers would see that coming a mile away!"

"Plus, they've got a weapon that's much smaller, but just as deadly," Talia affirms.

_The H.I.V.E. rely on a weapon half the size of the falchion for close-quarters combat._

We now see a H.I.V.E. trooper sneaking up behind a S.H.I.E.L.D. officer and slicing him across the throat with a long knife.

_The __**V-42 Stiletto**__: an 18-inch carbon steel blade that can slice through flesh like butter._

Talia has a V-42 in her hands as she stands opposite the DW hosts and explains to them its benefits.

"This is a go-to tool for many H.I.V.E. troopers. It's lightweight, easily concealed, easily cleaned, and can cause impressive destruction."

"We've tested a retractable version of the stiletto on our show before," Geoff says, "and though it seemed impressive at first, it came up short in our simulation. Would you care to prove us wrong this time?"

Talia only nods and smiles.

_Our team brings in a ballistics gel torso to see what the V-24 can do._

Talia stands in front of the gel torso, awaiting Geoff's signal.

"Three, two, one, SLASH IT!"

On Geoff's word, Talia slices the gel torso across the neck with the knife, cutting its jugular vein and causing blood to spill from the wounds. She then jabs the torso in both eyes with the V-42, and finishes by stabbing the unfortunate gel-man in the chest, leaving the knife embedded there.

"Awesome!" Geoff and Max shout as Dr. Dorian steps forward to assess the damage done.

"Alright, no question about it—this guy's dead," the doctor says. "You cut right through the jugular with your first slice there, and that would cause him to bleed out very quickly. Then you jabbed him in the eyes, and that would cause massive hemorrhaging and eventual death. Then, this strike—right through his heart, that's an insta-kill without a doubt. Nice job, Talia."

_Despite the carnage done by the V-42, Team HYDRA seems unimpressed._

"Yeah, nice showing, but who says the H.I.V.E.'s gonna be able to get close enough to use that knife?" Fury asks.

"HYDRA would cut their head off with this falchion before they could even say 'oh, sh**," Black Widow taunts.

_Falchion or V-42 Stiletto: which blade takes the edge?_

"No question," Max says. "Falchion, all the way."

"Agreed," Geoff says. "I think we learned our lesson with Stiletto vs. Bowie Knife. Bigger and more lethal beats out smaller and more concealable any day of the week. Edge to the Falchion."

_For close-range weapons, the edge goes to HYDRA for the falchion sword. But our villains have yet to unveil their signature medium-range firearms. And for HYDRA, nothing dispatches enemies better than:_

We see a HYDRA trooper firing at a group of oncoming S.H.I.E.L.D. operatives with a pump-action shotgun.

_The __**Remington 870 Shotgun**__: an American-made pump-action gun perfect for blowing an enemy to kingdom come._

Geoff, Dr. Dorian and Max are now back outside on the firing range. Fury and Black Widow stand on one side of them, and Cyborg and Talia are on the other. Fury holds the Remington in his hands as he begins to explain its perks:

"This gun? Most people use it for sport shooting, but it's been confiscated off captured HYDRA personnel time and time again," he says. "It's lightweight, easy to load, and definitely packs a punch when it hits."

"We've had firsthand experience with the Remington on the show before, and it definitely does pack a wallop," Geoff says.

_The H.I.V.E. also have a powerful shotgun at their disposal._

We now see a H.I.V.E. trooper opening fire on a group of police officers with a pump-action gun of his own.

_The __**Mossberg 500 Shotgun**__: an age-old tool for destruction used by the U.S. Army…and international terrorists._

Cyborg stands on the other side of the team with the Mossberg as he elucidates on why it's 'better' than the Remington:

"This gun's also used for sport shooting," Cyborg says, "but it's also used by law enforcement and the U.S. military. It's pump-action, uses several calibers of bullets, and can hit from a longer distance than the Remington."

"We've seen the Mossberg in action on this show, too," Max says. "But we've never had the two go head-to-head before. This should be really interesting."

We now see a team of stagehands setting up a series of targets on the range.

_To test the two shotguns, we've set up a series of increasingly tough targets for our experts to take aim at._

"Alright, we'll be testing your accuracy and killing power with each shotgun," Geoff says to Fury and Cyborg. "We've given you each 16 shots. First, we'll measure accuracy—you'll load the gun, stand behind that platform there and take aim at those eight blood-filled splatter balls in front of you, forty yards away. Next, you'll reload, move to the area next door, and try to take out five targets with the shots you have left."

_First, Commander Fury takes aim with the Remington 870._

"Ready, Nick?" Geoff asks.

"Always," Fury replies.

"On three, two, one—FIRE!"

On Geoff's word, Fury begins firing at the eight blood-filled splatter balls in front of him. He aims for the smaller ones first, only taking out two, but he hits all four of the larger ones. He then quickly reloads the gun and heads over to the other side of the range, where he takes aim at the five ballistics gel torsos standing before him, emptying all eight of his shots on the five torsos. When he's finished, the gel torsos hardly resemble human bodies at all, and there's blood and gel strewn everywhere.

"WHOO HOO!" Max shouts. "Awesome!"

_The power of the Remington speaks for itself._

"Okay, not bad," Geoff says as he examines the results of the target test first. "You took out all of the large balls and half of the small balls. Let's see how you did with the gel bodies—whoa, these first two guys literally have no head anymore. Moving on, you can see the huge cavity in the third one that I can actually fit my fist in, and these last two have received multiple injuries to the gut and chest. These guys are all dead, no question about it."

_Next, Cyborg steps up to the plate with the Mossberg shotgun._

"Ready, Cyborg?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" the half-robot hero replies.

"Three, two, one—FIRE!"

As soon as Geoff says 'fire', Cyborg unloads with the shotgun, taking out all four of the large splatter balls, and three of the smaller ones. He then reloads and moves over to the ballistics gel bodies, where the scene is very similar to Fury's performance with the Remington. Blood, gel and pieces of synthetic bones fly everywhere as Cyborg blasts the torsos, and when he's finished, four torsos are significantly destroyed, and one literally has half its body gone.

"YEAH!" Geoff cheers.

"Alright, go!" Max agrees.

_The Mossberg also proves to be a formidable tool of destruction._

"Alright, very nice," Geoff says as they all head in to examine the carnage. "You went seven out of eight on the target test, one more than Fury did. And the gel bodies—well, just by looking at them, I can tell these first four would definitely be dead. And the fifth? Um…"

"Yeah, we gotcha," Max says as he picks up a piece of gel from the now-headless and chestless gel torso.

_Both guns are powerful, but which shotgun is a better killer?_

"I can't decide which one is better here," Geoff admits to his two buddies. "Both guns are quick and efficient at killing their targets, and they're both pretty accurate for close-range firearms. They're literally neck-and-neck."

"I'm with you," Max says. "These two weapons are equally effective in the heat of battle. I'd call it a draw in this case."

_For medium-range weapons, the villains are dead-even. But there's still some fight left in both factions, as HYDRA and H.I.V.E. unleash their most secret and deadliest weapons of all. And for HYDRA, this just might be the deadliest weapon known to the Marvel universe._

We see a group of HYDRA soldiers throwing a grenade filled with red powder into a large room, and then retreating. A few seconds later, everyone in the room is on the floor dead.

_**Death Spores**__: execution by inhalation._

The team, along with Black Widow, is now standing in front of a table filled with HYDRA's weapons. Black Widow has a small, tightly sealed vial of red powder with her.

"This may well be the most deadly weapon ever devised by humankind," she says, handling the vial carefully. "These Death Spores are a potent virus that work like a nerve agent on steroids. Anyone ever heard of Novichok?"

Dr. Dorian nods. "Novichok was invented by the Russians in the 1970's, and it's one of the deadliest biological agents ever. Basically, it causes all the muscles in your body to contract at once, and that leads to cardiac arrest and death."

"Normally, Novichok would take about three minutes to kill someone," Black Widow says. "The Death Spores take about five seconds."

"That's incredible," Max says. "So incredible that I don't know if we can even test something that dangerous on this show."

"I think I may have an idea," Geoff says. "Come on."

Geoff leads the team to a small glass container, about the size of a large fish tank. The tank is filled with several potted plants, as well as a robotic arm holding a tiny vial of Death Spores.

_Geoff has designed a unique test for the Death Spores that won't endanger anyone's life._

"Okay," Geoff says, "we've filled this tank with several of my mom's potted plants, then we've sealed, double-sealed and triple-sealed it. Right there in the center is a little arm holding a vial of Death Spores. At the press of a button, it'll release the Spores, and we'll see how fast it affects these plants. Then, we can dispose of the plants and the spores safely."

The team stands at a safe distance from the glass tank while still remaining close enough to see the Spores in action.

"Alright, Doc, release the Spores!" Geoff says, and Dr. Dorian presses a button. The robotic arm inside the tank uncorks the vial of spores and releases them into the tank. Within a few seconds, the plants begin to die—they shrivel up and their leaves drop off, and one smaller plant almost totally disintegrates.

"Whoa…" Max says as he watches the plants die before his very eyes.

"Incredible," Dr. Dorian says. "That literally took about five seconds for those plants to start dying. I'm not a botanist, but I think it's safe to say that anything that kills a plant that quickly can kill an animal or human just as fast."

"The only problem is, my mom's gonna kill me for destroying her plants," Geoff says, shaking his head and frowning.

_Despite the Death Spores' awesome power, our H.I.V.E. experts seem unimpressed._

"The Death Spores? You could wind up killing _yourself_ with that stuff!" Cyborg says. "For taking someone out, the H.I.V.E. use something a lot more devious."

_The H.I.V.E. also have a tool for turning the tide of a battle in their favor._

We see a H.I.V.E. soldier throwing a vial of yellow powder at a group of people on the streets. Seconds later, the group of people all stand at attention.

_**Hypno-Pollen**__: mind-controlling powder that is the H.I.V.E.'s calling card._

The team is now standing in front of a table full of H.I.V.E. weapons. Talia has a vial full of yellow powder, handling it carefully as she begins to speak:

"This pollen was specially made by the evil scientists that once made up the H.I.V.E.," she says.

_To test the Hypno-Pollen, our team has brought back an old friend._

"Everybody, I've got some good news—Yoshi's back," Geoff says as he leads our black-clad ninja pal into the fight club. "We had a little disagreement a few episodes back, but after testing his luck with the folks at Deadliest Fictional Warrior**, he's come back home."

"Tough luck with the live grenade tests, huh?" Max asks Yoshi.

Yoshi says something in Japanese, and subtitles at the bottom of the screen say "It's a living".

Yoshi stands nervously in front of Talia as she wields a vial of Hypno-Pollen.

"Alright, Talia, are you ready?" Geoff asks.

"Ready!" Talia responds.

"Yoshi, are you ready?"

Yoshi nods as he closes his eyes in anticipation of what is about to happen.

"On three, two, one—POWDER HIM!"

When Geoff gives the signal, Talia opens the vial of Hypno-Pollen and throws it in Yoshi's face. Our black-clad ninja friend sputters for a few seconds as he tries to wipe the Pollen out of his eyes. When the dust has settled, Talia approaches Yoshi and whispers something in his ear. Yoshi gets a blank look on his face, and walks over to a nearby ballistics gel torso. He pulls his mask off and begins making out with the torso. Everybody laughs uproariously at Yoshi until Talia snaps her fingers, and the ninja snaps out of his trance. He drops the gel body and runs to a corner, sinks down and gets into the fetal position.

"He'll be fine," Max says, shaking his head. "We've upped his salary, so he'll go buy a new kusarigama or something and shrug this off."

_The Hypno-Pollen can be used to make the victim do anything the applicant suggests—including commit suicide._

Fury and Black Widow approach the area, and Fury shakes his head.

"You honestly believe that Pollen can compete with HYDRA's Death Spores?" Fury asks, somewhat angrily. "The Death Spores kill anything they touch instantly. That Pollen is nothing but a cheap novelty act."

_Both weapons can definitely turn the tide of a battle, but which team's biological bombshell gives them the killing edge?_

"There's no doubt…both weapons are effective," Geoff says. "Still, both our factions have to be careful, as both the Death Spores and the Hypno-Pollen can potentially affect their users as well."

"Yeah, but just like we saw with Green Goblin's Pumpkin Bombs, that's a calculated risk," Max says. "And I think just going on sheer killing potential alone, I'd have to go with the Death Spores."

"I agree," Dr. Dorian says. "If there are still HYDRA operatives left, they can come to their hypnotized comrade's rescue. No one can save the H.I.V.E. troopers if they breathe in those Death Spores."

"Looks like it's unanimous then," Geoff says. "Death Spores get the edge."

_For special weapons, the edge goes to HYDRA for the Death Spores._

We now see a montage of all the weapons that have been tested in this episode.

_The testing is now complete. It's now time to find out once and for all which villainous organization is deadliest: HYDRA or H.I.V.E._

**Close-range weapons edge: HYDRA, for the Falchion sword  
****Mid-range weapons edge: Both HYDRA's Remington 870 shotgun and H.I.V.E.'s Mossberg 500 shotgun  
****Long-range weapons edge: H.I.V.E., for the M249 light machine gun  
****Special weapons edge: HYDRA, for the Death Spores**

_To keep the battle from being won by a single lucky shot, the computer will simulate one thousand battles between five-man squadrons._

"I believe we have all the data we need for a good, down-and-dirty fight…what say we fire this bad boy up?" Max asks Geoff and Dr. Dorian.

"Be my guest," Geoff encourages.

Max presses the button, and the Matrix-esque intro gives way to the battle scene.

**The Battle**

The battle begins at midday, when we see a HYDRA trooper cautiously peeking around a brick fence. Before him, he sees a massive building with a huge metal door, and nods slowly. He looks behind him and motions for someone to follow him, and he and four more HYDRA troopers in full uniform file around the corner, carrying Stoner 63s and Remington shotguns. Meanwhile, in an upstairs room, five H.I.V.E. troopers are inspecting their weapons, preparing for their next invasion. Back outside, the lead HYDRA man plants an explosive on the door of the H.I.V.E. headquarters and sets a timer before signaling for his comrades to take cover. They all give the bomb some distance, and a few seconds later, the doors to the H.I.V.E. building are blown off, setting off an alarm and alerting the five H.I.V.E. troopers inside. As the H.I.V.E. troop heads to the foyer, the HYDRA squadron moves in, intent on capturing the building for their own purposes. Soon, though, the H.I.V.E. troopers file down the stairs, and the first one down opens fire with his M249 machine gun, hitting a HYDRA soldier in the chest and killing him.

**HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 5**

As an instinctive reaction, the HYDRA men open fire at the advancing H.I.V.E. squadron with their Stoner 63s, and one H.I.V.E. trooper is gunned down by the volley of bullets.

**HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 4**

The four remaining H.I.V.E. troopers take cover behind the walls and furniture, firing their M249s and Mossberg shotguns as a huge gunfight ensues. Suddenly, the H.I.V.E. captain's M249 jams, leaving him defenseless. "Retreat!" he shouts to his troop, and the men flee down a nearby hallway. "After them!" the HYDRA captain yells, and HYDRA gives chase. As three of the H.I.V.E. members later disappear around a corner in the hall, one H.I.V.E. trooper stays behind, waiting for the HYDRAs to show themselves. As soon as the HYDRA captain appears on the other side of the winding hallway, the H.I.V.E. man opens fire with his M249, hitting the HYDRA captain in the arm, causing him to drop his Stoner 63. However, one of the captain's men rounds the corner a split-second later and guns down the H.I.V.E. trooper with his own Stoner 63.

**HYDRA: 4 H.I.V.E.: 3**

The two other HYDRA soldiers arrive on the scene, and they check on their captain. When he assures them that he's fine, they all resume their pursuit of H.I.V.E. The remaining members of H.I.V.E. emerge in a small conference room, and one man heads to the wall and presses the elevator button. But before the elevator can arrive, the HYDRA soldiers enter the room and begin firing their shotguns, and the H.I.V.E. squadron dives for cover. As one H.I.V.E. trooper waits for the elevator behind a chair, he pulls a small vial of Hypno-pollen from his pocket, and just as the elevator arrives, he uncorks the vial and blows the pollen in the face of an approaching HYDRA soldier. As the HYDRA soldier coughs, trying to get the pollen out of his face, the other two H.I.V.E. soldiers board the elevator. The third H.I.V.E. member stays behind as he sneaks up and quickly whispers something in the HYDRA soldier's ear. The HYDRA soldier suddenly gets a blank look on his face, and then takes out his Remington shotgun. He points the gun at his head, and pulls the trigger, blowing his head clean off.

**HYDRA: 3 H.I.V.E.: 3**

The H.I.V.E. trooper snickers sadistically as he sees the headless HYDRA grunt on the ground, but upon turning around, a Death Spore-filled grenade hits him in the chest. The man staggers back into a chair as the three remaining HYDRAs scramble out a nearby door. The H.I.V.E. trooper tries to follow them, but he coughs violently and sinks to the floor, where he succumbs to the Death Spores a few seconds later.

**HYDRA: 3 H.I.V.E.: 2**

The three HYDRAs make their way up the stairs of the building as the remaining two H.I.V.E. members emerge on the building's second floor from the elevator. The H.I.V.E. captain orders his underling to hide in a room while the captain takes cover behind a large potted plant. The HYDRAs emerge from the elevator onto the same floor, and are met with a volley of shotgun fire on both sides of them. Braving the bullets, the three men take out their shotguns and start returning fire as they attempt to take cover behind a nearby couch; however, one HYDRA soldier is struck in the side, sending him down to the floor as his two teammates take cover. Both teams continue to fire at one another until all their shotguns run out of bullets, and the DC terrorists retreat down the hall. As the two healthy HYDRA members give chase, the third one weakly tries to crawl after them, but he soon succumbs to his wound.

**HYDRA: 2 H.I.V.E.: 2**

The HYDRA operatives soon locate the H.I.V.E. members in a small lounge. The HYDRA underling rushes into the room, but the H.I.V.E. are waiting. The last H.I.V.E. underling rushes from behind a chair with his V-42 Stiletto, jamming it in the HYDRA man's neck and killing him.

**HYDRA: 1 H.I.V.E.: 2**

All alone, the HYDRA captain pulls out the last weapon he has—a falchion sword given to him personally by Baron Strucker for just such an emergency. He taps on the wall, trying to lure his opponents back into the hall. Sure enough, the last H.I.V.E. grunt takes the bait, peering out into the hall. He looks to his right, and the last thing he sees is the HYDRA captain's sword swinging in his direction—one swipe sends the H.I.V.E. man's head rolling to the floor.

**HYDRA: 1 H.I.V.E.: 1**

Stepping over his dead comrade's headless body, the H.I.V.E. captain enters the hallway with a stiletto of his own, and the two men clash with their bladed weapons. The H.I.V.E. captain pushes the smaller HYDRA captain back before slashing him across the face, sending the HYDRA leader staggering back into the wall. The H.I.V.E. leader roars as he rushes forward with his V-42, but the HYDRA leader elbows him in the stomach, sending his enemy reeling backwards. The HYDRA scrambles to his feet as the H.I.V.E. man recovers and rushes toward his opponent with his stiletto. However, the HYDRA captain ducks a slash from the dagger and in retaliation, thrusts his falchion into the H.I.V.E. leader's chest. The H.I.V.E. leader watches in horror as his own blood spills out onto the floor, and looks up just in time to see the HYDRA captain push him back into the wall, sending the man sliding down the wall to the floor. As he watches his enemy draw his last breath, the HYDRA leader holds his bloody sword in the air and shouts "Hail HYDRA!"

**Winner: HYDRA**

"Out of the course of 1,000 battles, HYDRA emerged as our winner with 54.2% of the total kills," Max says. "It was definitely a close fight, but HYDRA's superior close-range weaponry, plus their usage of biological warfare with their Death Spores, really gave them a killing edge here."

_In another close contest, HYDRA scored 542 kills, most of it coming from their Stoner 63 light machine gun and Remington shotgun._

**HYDRA Kills: 542  
**Stoner 63: 289  
Falchion Sword: 32  
Remington Shotgun: 118  
Death Spores: 103

_H.I.V.E. scored 458 kills. Their most efficient weapon by far was their M249 light machine gun, but even it couldn't fell HYDRA._

**H.I.V.E. Kills: 458  
**M249: 303  
V-42 Stiletto: 1  
Mossberg Shotgun: 123  
Hypno-Pollen: 31

"I'm not really that surprised," Geoff says. "HYDRA had superior biological weaponry and the brutality that they needed to net them victory today."

"I am indeed surprised," Talia says. "If we had encountered a foe such as HYDRA when _I_ was in the H.I.V.E., we would have undoubtedly decimated them."

"There's nobody tougher than HYDRA," Fury attests. "They're tough, and they'll stop at nothing to get rid of anything that gets in their way. That's what makes them the deadliest villains."

We now see the HYDRA captain holding his falchion high and shouting "Cut one head off, and three more grow in its place!" as the show comes to a close.

*Yeah, I know…this is the "Ultimate" version of Nick Fury, the one that was in the _Avengers_ movie. Though this version of him hasn't really encountered HYDRA, I'm using him here instead of the older, Caucasian Nick Fury because I like this version of him better. Get over it…

**"Deadliest Fictional Warrior" is property of Poseidon Productions.

Chapter 10 is complete, and Marvel now ties up this season's score 5-5. But if you think the villainy is all over for this season, think again: in our next chapter, we have perhaps the two most psychotic bad guys in comic book history squaring off. The unhinged scientific genius Dr. Doom takes on the insane clown prince of crime, the Joker, in our next chapter! See you again soon!


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